Having the Strength to Be Vulnerable

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Vulnerability is a word that tends to have a very negative connotation in our society.  The associations that come to mind when we think of vulnerability are: susceptible to being wounded or hurt; being open to attack and criticism.  Vulnerability is one of those words that society (and the dictionary) has labeled as a “negative emotion” and one to avoid at all costs.

 

 

As a result of these perceptions, the automatic response that most of us have to the mere thought of being vulnerable is to shield ourselves from any potential attack on our energy by putting up an emotional wall around ourselves. We may even think that if we can protect ourselves from being hurt by someone else’s thoughts, words, and actions, eventually we won’t feel any pain.

 

 

This seemingly self-protective strategy ultimately backfires because when we become numb to pain, we also become numb to experiencing the flow of joy and love in our lives. Putting emotional armor around ourselves actually creates a disconnect between the head and the heart.  Every human being is vulnerable because we all want and need to be loved and accepted.  If we deny our own vulnerability, how can we possibly have empathy and compassion for other human beings?  Empathy and compassion are not experienced in our heads; rather, these self-empowering emotions can only be fully experienced through the heart.

 

 

When you try to avoid being vulnerable,
you are judging yourself for not being perfect

 

 

When you judge yourself, you feel afraid that others will judge you as well.  In an effort to “protect” yourself from having your perceived weaknesses being seen by others, you then have to hide all the parts of yourself that you don’t like by stuffing these fearful emotions somewhere into your mind and body. Ironically, in this futile attempt to “protect” yourself from others, you actually hurt yourself. By not bringing these hidden fears into the light of awareness, eventually your repressed feelings will surely erupt into mental, emotional, and physical pain and suffering.

 

 

 
Everyone has a “shadow side,” which is simply the love that is
trapped inside of us that we are afraid to express.

 

 

When we choose to express our complete, authentic self, we bring our “shadow side” to the conscious light of awareness, thereby creating the space to heal all the parts of ourselves. The following are some healthy ways in which we can allow ourselves to express our vulnerability:

 

1.  Lighten up with humor – We tend to take ourselves so seriously.  There are times when it is entirely appropriate to laugh at our own “mistakes.”

 

2.  Admit when you don’t understand something – Many times we repeat the same unproductive patterns  because we are afraid we will be judged as “stupid” if we ask more questions.

 

3.  Express your honest feelings in a kind, respectful way –  This applies equally to situations where you think that what you have to say is not going to be popular.

 

4.  Tell the truth –  even if it is something so small that no one would know the difference.  Complete honesty creates self-respect and encourages others to do the same.

 

5.  Ask for help when you feel you can’t handle the work load – We don’t need to sacrifice our health and well being to prove to the world that we are capable or indestructible.

 

6.  Take responsibility for your thoughts, words, and actions – When you feel you have hurt someone, face up to it by offering an apology.  You will feel better, and so will the other person.

 

 

Vulnerability does not mean rolling over and allowing yourself to be kicked around.  Expressing your vulnerability is actually an amazing strength that involves standing up for yourself by completely accepting all the parts of who you are – the beautiful and the unattractive parts, the strong and the weak aspects, as well as the successes and the failures that you have experienced.

 

 

If we do not judge ourselves harshly, then it follows that we will not be critical of others. When we accept our Whole Self – warts and all – we open the path for genuine communication in all of our relationships because it sends the signal to others that it is OK for them to be imperfect as well.  It is an acknowledgment of the truth that we accept something we humans all have in common – we are each here on earth to learn and to grow.

 

 

When we are willing to be vulnerable, we are giving ourselves permission to be seen in our entirety. Through this complete acceptance of self, we begin to comprehend the true meaning of unconditional love – for ourselves and others.

 

 

Unconditional love is, indeed, the ultimate in self-protection. 

 

 

Love and Light,

 

Sandra

Choosing to Have the Courage to Be Yourself

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Ironically, one of the greatest fears we humans have is that we will be vulnerable if we express our true self to the world.  In an attempt to “protect” ourselves, we many times project emotions which we do not authentically feel, display behaviors which are designed to please others, and say things we don’t really mean.

 

 

Why do we do this? 

 

 

We live in a society in which we are conditioned to focus primarily on outer stimulation. From earliest childhood, many of us were taught by well-intentioned parents, teachers, and caregivers to define ourselves by what other people think of us.  Seeking the approval of others quickly became the major motivation for most of our behavior patterns, starting very early in the lives of many of us.  As a result, we may have developed a belief system that our self-worth is determined by the opinions of others rather than learning to develop our own sense of self-esteem based on inner values.  Unless we became aware of this perception and chose to change it, we most likely continued to perpetuate this belief into adulthood.  

 

 

Why does this cause pain in our lives?

 

 

One of the tenets of the Universal Law of Manifestation is that we attract what we project.  Accordingly, if we do not project our authentic selves, we will not attract responses from other people that align with who we truly are.  For example, most of us have been in numerous life situations where we have knocked ourselves out trying to please someone by being the selfless mother, father, spouse, sibling, or friend.  We emotionally gave and gave until eventually we felt depleted.  We were desperately seeking approval for our heroic deeds.  When we did not get back what we considered an appropriate response, we felt totally unappreciated and, perhaps, even rejected.  This seemingly selfless approach is far from selfless because it cultivates an environment where everyone is looking to everyone else to feel regenerated.

 

 

Does it take courage to express our true self?

 

 

Of course it takes courage to live an authentic life in which we are projecting our honest self, rather than hiding behind layers of veneers that we have designed to deflect the hurtful thoughts and actions of others. It is important to remember that  “courage”  (root word cuer, meaning heart) does not mean the absence of fear; indeed, we all have fears.  Having courage means that we make a conscious choice to live from the heart by choosing thoughts, words, and actions that are aligned with our spiritual values of kindness, cooperation, and respect for self and others. Interestingly, when we are being who we truly are, we are actually able to detach from needing approval from everyone else because there is an inner peace and sense of confidence that comes from living in integrity.

 

 

The only real “safety” any of us has in life is the security of being our authentic selves.  Every single one of us is amazingly special.  NO ONE ELSE CAN BE YOU!  No other human being has your particular personality, your one-of-a-kind brain, your special body, and your extraordinary soul. YOUR UNIQUENESS is a contribution to all of humanity.

 

 

When you express your TRUE SELF to the world, you are sharing the physical expression of the Love and Light of your soul. What could be more “safe?”

 

 

Love and Light,

 

Sandra

What is the Difference Between Conditional Love and Unconditional Love?

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Love – This is a word that is very frequently used in every language to describe our emotions ranging from something as relatively trite, such as, “I love your shoes,” to something as deeply significant as a mother saying, “I love you” to a child in the most vulnerable moment.

 

 

Is there really a difference between conditional love and unconditional love? 

 

 

The answer is, yes.

 

 

What is conditional love?

 

 

Conditional love is a polarized emotion, meaning that it has an opposite emotion.  The opposite extreme of love is hatred.  Conditional love comes from ego and  generally focuses on someone (like a romantic partner, child, parent, friend)  or some thing (like a house, a car, or a job).  When we love someone conditionally, we tend to want them to look, act, and think in ways that fit our own paradigms and expectations.  We hold others accountable to our expectations in order to qualify for our affection.  If they act the way we want them to, we express our approval; if they act contrary to our wishes, we withhold our expression of acceptance of them, usually in some form of anger.  Conditional love polarizes our internal thought process to believe, “I am right, and you are wrong, so I think you should see things my way.”  As soon as begin to judge someone as being right or wrong, it is our cue that we are not in a space of unconditional love because we are perceiving that we are the authority for someone else’s life.  This ultimately results in a power play for everyone involved because it focuses on control, which typically elicits a defensive reaction from the people whom we are trying to change.

 

 

Another version of conditional love is passion, a term we use for the sexual feelings we have when we meet someone with whom we have “chemistry.”  The term “falling in love” is a revealing expression indicating that we sometimes lose ourselves when we are involved in a passionate romantic relationship based on conditional love. Possibly, this is because we are looking for another person to complete us rather than looking to share our whole self with another. “Looking for our other half” is a statement that strongly indicates we are seeking to make ourselves whole through someone else, rather than working on ourselves to become more of who we truly are.

 

 

When someone acts in a way that vastly deviates from our expectations or does something to hurt us or someone we care about, we can transform the emotion of conditional love to the complete opposite end of the spectrum – hatred.  Hatred is a very strong emotion that is rooted in fear.  Hatred is extremely destructive and wreaks havoc on our mental, emotional, and physical well being.

 

 

What is Unconditional Love?

 

 

Unconditional love is neutral and has no opposite polarity.  The source of unconditional love is Spirit; therefore it is available to everyone without discernment, and there is absolutely nothing we need to do to qualify for it.  Unconditional love comes through to us at a soul level, beginning at the level of self-acceptance and self-forgiveness, and radiates divine light to everyone and everything.  When we make a conscious decision to choose thoughts based on unconditional love, it does not mean that we agree with everyone and everything.  It means that we consciously commit ourselves to expressing respect, kindness, and cooperation to everyone and everything in our environment.

 

 

Unconditional love is not something that happens to us or outside of us.  It is the life force of energy within our very being and is ingrained in every cell of our bodies.  We don’t have to search for love–we ARE, each one of us, the physical embodiment of unconditional love.  Because unconditional love is life energy, it is formless, infinite, constantly in motion, and unconditionally available to us 24/7!

 

 

Unconditional love has a positive effect on our physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual state of being, creating truth, joy, beauty, health, harmony, and everything in the world that is in our greatest good.  The benevolent, compassionate nature of universal love flows through us and blesses everyone and everything it touches.

 

 

When we open our hearts to receiving and expressing the love of the universe, we feel expansive and radiant.  We automatically rise above the limitations of fear because unconditional love is infinitely more powerful than fear; in fact, unconditional love is the most powerful force in existence.  There is no amount of darkness that can blot out light; yet the tiniest amount of light can overcome darkness. This means that no matter how dark and chaotic our lives may seem at times, we can find comfort in knowing that our earthly world is always held within an infinitely larger context of universal love and light.

 

 

Remembering that we are each created in the energy of divine love gives us great inspiration and renewed hope that we each have the power to bring our own unique expression of unconditional love to the world, which brings healing to everyone and everything we touch.

 

 

Love and Light,

 

Sandra