PART TWO: A Simple Forgiveness Exercise

This is the image of a gold, glitter heart on a black background

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In last week’s blog, we talked about the need to forgive everyone, including people who have hurt us deeply. In this message, we discuss a simple forgiveness process that can be practiced all the time and has the infinite potential to heal everyone and everything, beginning with you. Since the process that is described at the end of the blog is exquisitely simple, the following points are intended to help you to open your mind and heart to the blessings of forgiveness:

 

Honor Your Feelings. Express your anger and resentment by beginning with a catharsis. Trying to forgive someone without first venting your feelings of pain is like trying to seal a potential volcanic eruption with a band-aid. There is usually a great deal of energy that needs to be released before the wound can heal. Some constructive ways you can do this are to: Give yourself permission to cry or even scream (best done in the car or somewhere where no one else can hear you!), talk with someone who is a compassionate listener, write your feelings down on paper, or engage in physical exercise. It is easy to stay stuck in this stage of expressing your feelings, so be sure to commit yourself to moving on to the next step of taking responsibility.

 

Take responsibility for the part that you have played in creating the situation. This is probably the most self-empowering step in the process of forgiveness. Since our thoughts create our reality, it is important that you remember that you have played a role in the creation of every experience you have ever had. By taking responsibility for your part, you are no longer a victim. If you created it, you can also change it!

 

Let go the need to judge who is “right” and who is “wrong.” Chances are that each person involved is absolutely certain he or she is right. This is why there is a conflict in the first place! Continuing to think this way only perpetuates more pain and suffering and resolves nothing.

 

Forgive yourself. You can only do for another that which you can do for yourself. This is truly an act of self-love. You are not forgiving yourself for being “wrong.” You are forgiving yourself for making choices that were not aligned with your personal values and self-respect. You are also forgiving yourself for continuing to punish yourself by constantly re-living painful memories.

 

See the Other Person’s Point of View – Remember that forgiveness is a two-way street. We need to also ask for forgiveness for our own transgressions against others. It is much easier to remember who has hurt us; yet many times the best way to move away from the self-perception of being an innocent victim is to realize that we have also hurt other people.

 

Be thankful for every experience. Every person you meet and every situation you have experienced is teaching you to be more whole. Our greatest lessons many times come through our most painful times. Choosing to be thankful for what you have learned from both the pleasant and unpleasant situations in life is the most effective way to move out of old pain behaviors. Gratitude is an emotion that sends out a frequency that attracts positive people and creates healthy situations.

 

Now, here is a shortcut that incorporates all of the above suggestions.

 

You can use this forgiveness process for every person and in every situation in your life. It is a derivation of an ancient Hawaiian healing process, H’oponopono, and is rooted in the intention of freeing one’s soul. You do not even need to be in the physical presence of someone whom you need to forgive. By merely focusing on the following thoughts, you are transmitting the energy of unconditional love.

 

A SIMPLE FORGIVENESS EXERCISE

 

1. I love myself and I forgive myself.

 

2. I take responsibility for the part that I have played in creating this situation.

 

3. Please forgive me for anything I have done to hurt you. (Imagine the person or people whom you need to forgive.)

 

4. Thank you for the lessons I have learned.

 

5. I love you! (This is  not about human passionate love – it is the unconditional, neutral love of spirit that honors the soul of every living being. This is the part of the forgiveness exercise that has the magical power to heal everyone and everything in ways that transcend human understanding.)

 

Remember, it does not matter if you do not feel these statements when you begin this process. What you are doing is setting intentions, and intentions precede feelings. As you consistently continue to send out these thoughts, you will begin to feel what you are saying because you are working in harmony with universal love.

 

Forgiveness is a habit. Like all habits, the more you practice it, the easier it becomes. Be kind to yourself and stick with it. Because forgiveness is unconditional love, it has the infinite potential to transform everyone and everything.

 

YOU have the power to heal yourself and others by making the choice to forgive.

 

Love and Light

 

Sandra

 

 

Click this link to order the downloadable audio meditation, “Free Yourself Through Forgiveness,” narrated by Sandra Brossman.

 

 

Letting Go of Our Judgment of Others

This is a vintage image of a glamorous women being judged

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Nothing creates separation and discord among human beings more than when we judge each other.  While this is true, judge is a word that causes confusion for many of us.

 

 

On one hand, for centuries humanity has received countless messages through spiritual masters from all walks of life instructing us not to judge. Two of the most well-known are the biblical verses citing Jesus as saying,

 

 

Judge not, lest ye be judged,” and, 

Let he who is without sin among you be the first to throw a stone.” 

 

 

On the other hand, most of us would agree that we certainly need to use our judgment skills to navigate through this very complicated, polarized physical world of experience.

 

 

No wonder we are confused!  In the strictly literal sense, some of the definitions of judge are:

 

  • a person qualified to decide on the relative worth of anything
  • to criticize or censure
  • a person designated to determine the winner

 

Wow!  When we apply these definitions to how we engage with other people, it brings up a lot of questions.  For example, who among us is the one person who is supremely qualified to decide on the worth of anything?  Who among us appreciates being criticized or censured? And, how about, who among us is the ultimate judge of who is a winner?

 

 

In order to understand what is meant by letting go of judgment of others, we need to adopt a more neutral interpretation of the word judge. Rather than construing the word judge in a polarized way that involves attacking or assessing the value of another person, we can rise to a higher perspective by perceiving judgment as an act of discernment. We need to use our skills of judgment to discern situations, opportunities, agreements, and decisions to determine what is in our greatest good.

 

 

How do we differentiate between the polarized perception of judge versus the more enlightened, neutral interpretation?  

 

 

A good point of reference to determine this is to ask ourselves, “What is the source of my judgment?”  If it is coming from an intuitive space guiding us to make choices that are in our greatest good, we are most likely coming from a space of spiritual integrity.  When we judge from this neutral perspective, we are assessing and evaluating objective things, such as a baseball game, a career opportunity, deciding on a financial investment, or choosing which college to attend.  If we find ourselves subjectively judging another person, then the source of our judgment is coming from ego in that we have determined our superiority over some else.  When we do this, we are, in essence, proclaiming ourselves to be the expert in someone else’s life. The ego perspective implies that we think we have the answers to someone else’s problems.  Judging others is usually a sign that we have decided someone else needs to act the way we want them to.  We are saying we are right, and someone else is wrong, which almost always creates conflict.

 

 

How can we let go of judging others? 

 

 

We begin by reaching into our hearts (not our heads) to remember compassion. Compassion is a deep level of kindness in which we are open to trying to understand where other people are coming from by putting ourselves in their shoes.   We acknowledge that we have not experienced their victories, their losses, their relationships, and their pain.  We draw on our own experiences to understand other people more than we seek for others to understand us.  We practice treating other people the way we want to be treated. We also take responsibility for the fact that when we judge another, we are also judging ourselves. Whatever we find annoying in another person is an aspect that, to a greater or lesser degree, we need to heal within ourselves.

 

 

Being non-judgmental requires that we choose to look beneath the behaviors we are witnessing and focus on the soul level of our fellow humans. There is a principle called the “Pygmalion Effect” (from the popular book of the same name or the movie, “My Fair Lady”) that exemplifies this state of grace.  This principle states that if we expect the best from another and communicate such to them, they will respond by adjusting their behavior to match. The main idea concerning The “Pygmalion Effect” is that if you believe that someone is capable of achieving greatness, then you have created a space of potential for that person to achieve greatness. Stated simply, when we let go of judging others, we focus on the goodness (Godness) within everyone, rather than what is wrong with them.  When we practice being non-judgmental, we offer others the opportunity to find themselves and to meet us partway.

 

 

The famous Sufi poet, Rumi, expressed this truth so eloquently when he said:

 

 

“Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing there is a field.  I’ll meet you there.”

 

 

Love and Light,

 

Sandra

 

I welcome your comments, insights, and experiences on how we can let go of judgment of others.