How To Remain Balanced While Helping Others

Image of two men on a mountain - one trying to pull the other one to the top.

© ollyy/shutterstock

 

 

One of the most sensitive balancing acts we experience in our spiritual growth process is that of helping others in a way that supports them without decreasing our own energy.  There is so much suffering in the world, and most of us truly want to reach out and alleviate some of the pain–especially when we see it within our family members and friends.  However, unless we help others in a mindful way, we are likely to deplete ourselves by draining our own personal energy, rather than being a conduit for channeling the limitless energy of spirit through us and to those whom we are helping.

 

 

Odd as it may seem, we can best help others by first helping ourselves.  We do this by honoring our own needs for spiritual nourishment.  If we try to help someone without being in a position of emotional strength ourselves, we can quickly become drawn into someone else’s drama.  When this happens, not only can we not help anyone, we are actually adding to the collective pain of the world by taking on the negative issues of others.

 

 

When people share with me their pain and aggravation over complicated emotional issues in their lives, I frequently ask them, “What part of this belongs to you?”  While this may seem like a surprising question, it is astonishing how often we waste our energy by getting emotionally entangled in other people’s emotional dramas, rather than being a support system.  Of course, we are greatly impacted by the pain of people whom we care about, and we always have our own lessons to learn or we wouldn’t be involved at all.  But we need to remember that we support others by reinforcing them with our strength–not by imposing our judgment on them or participating in their anger and pain.

 

 

Trying to save someone by getting involved in their emotional issues is like trying to rescue a friend who has slipped onto the edge of a cliff by going out onto the edge with them.  When we do this, not only have we not helped our friend, we have actually added to the problem in that both of us are now in a precarious space and in need of assistance.  Of course, we want to help others, but helping others does not mean self-sacrifice.  There are other, much more effective ways by which you can support others without draining your own energy.

 

 

The following are some guidelines for remaining balanced while helping others:

 

 

1.  Regenerate Yourself – It is crucial that you remain balanced and centered by accessing the flow of spiritual energy that is always available to you at all times.  You can do this by consistently engaging in any practices that you find to be regenerating, such as:  prayer, meditation, yoga, walking in nature, spending time with positive people, playing with children and your animal friends.

 

 

2.  Ask Your Friend/Family Member If They Want Your Help – So many times we waste our time and energy trying to change someone’s situation because it is something WE want for them, not something they want for themselves.  It is pretty tough to assist someone’s recovery if they are resisting us while we are doing it.  You may find that the person to whom you are offering assistance is not ready to receive your help.  The time may not be correct or perhaps the person is simply not willing to embrace the lesson(s) at hand.  How and when we each learn our life lessons is a personal choice.

 

 

3.  Honor The Lessons of Others –  We each create our own reality.  It is important to remember that, at some level, our friend/family member created the situation with which they are struggling and that they need to learn from the painful issues they are experiencing.  We each have to discover our own personal lessons that come through in the form of life’s challenges.  When we try to short-circuit this process for someone else, we are robbing them of an opportunity to learn something they need to know for their own spiritual growth.

 

 

4.  Stay Out of the Drama –  Learn to be an unconditional observer of someone else’s drama, rather than getting emotionally trapped by your own fears.  Staying neutral and non-judgmental allows you to see the situation from a much higher perspective, which places you in a position of strength to offer guidance, compassion, and clear insights, and constructive choices.

 

 

5.  Offer Tools That Empower Others – The most constructive way to help someone else is not to do for them, but to empower them to do for themselves.  You can offer choices that will inspire your friend to help themselves, such as:  doing research on doctors or healers who could be of support, suggesting specific books, being a non-judgmental listener (you don’t have to provide the answers), providing ongoing encouragement of their healing.

 

 

Most importantly, we need to remember that the most powerful support we can give to anyone is by the way we model our own choices and behaviors.  The healing of others is not done by us but through us.  When we tap into our universal spiritual source, we receive all the energy, love, guidance, and strength we need to help others.  In fact, helping people in this way is actually energizing–not just for them, but for ourselves as well.

 

 

Do you have any suggestions or questions regarding how you have coped with helping others?

 

 

Love and Light,

 

Sandra

The Joy of Spring – A Time For Change and New Beginnings

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Spring is a glorious time of rebirth and renewal. The fact that all of nature is always in the process of transformation is most apparent in spring.

 

Everywhere we turn we see evidence of the cycle of new beginnings. The earth thaws and becomes soft again, giving way to the emergence of new growth. The latent force within seeds awakens, allowing buds and blossoms to slowly appear and then explode into new life. The rhythm of the seasons demonstrates to us that the life force of creation is constant change and growth.

 

So it is with our own energy in spring. The seasonal surge moves into and through us, creating the impetus to make a fresh start. It is a perfect time to renew ourselves and break out of our old “earth patterns” to reach higher levels of consciousness. So how do we do this?

 

We can only change ourselves

 

First, and most importantly, we need to remember that the only person we have the power to change is ourselves. In the words of Mahatma Gandhi, “We need to BE the change we want to see.” Change is something we tend to want everyone else to do. When we avoid taking responsibility for changing ourselves, we are placing virtually everyone else in charge of our lives, which is many times the very thing we fear the most.

 

“Spring” is not just a noun – it is also a verb. 

 

Second, I encourage you to embrace the full meaning of “spring.” It is not just a noun – it is also a verb, meaning to leap forward over obstacles. So what is our greatest obstacle in moving forward? As usual, it is fear, but fear of what? Generally our greatest fear is that of the unknown. Or to put it another way, most of us are afraid of change. This is, indeed, a real “catch 22” because change and growth are qualities that are inherent to the energy of life. Change is inevitable, but how we choose to experience it is a choice! We can accept it or we can resist it.

 

Since what we resist persists, one of the most effective ways I know to open up to change is to become conscious of what we are resisting.  Once we become aware of why we are resisting change, we have the power to transcend our perceptions of fear and open our minds to the natural flow of change.

 

Following are some of the rationalizations we use to resist change:

 

We want to feel safe: We need to ask ourselves, safe from what? Are we really safe when we cling to the familiar? It is our spiritual nature to be the expression of perpetual growth and expansion. If we accept change, we can move forward in harmony with the flow of life. If we resist it, we are bound to experience tremendous difficulties. Resisting change keeps us locked into mental, emotional, and physical patterns based on the past. The safest place to be is in present time, which frees us to create healthy, new perceptions.

 

We don’t have the courage or strength: Courage (root word cuer, meaning heart) does not mean the absence of fear. Indeed, we all have fears. Having courage means we have the heart to face our fears and to make changes for the better, even when we are afraid. Does it take strength to make changes? Of course it does, but it takes a lot more of our strength to withstand the turmoil of going against the natural current of change. If we think about the times our strength has felt most depleted, has it been when we used our energy to adjust to new challenges, or when we desperately tried to stay in the same space?

 

We want to be comfortable: If we are not moving forward, we eventually become stuck in the status quo. Is it comfortable to feel stuck? Even though we may feel a little insecure about moving out of familiar spaces, it is really quite healthy to experience the discomfort that comes from growth. Discomfort is caused by bumping up against the boundaries we have outgrown, indicating that this is time for our mind’s knowledge to catch up with our soul’s wisdom. When we feel the world around us is beginning to close in, we can’t resolve the situation by making ourselves smaller; however, we can choose to create more expansive perspectives.

 

We don’t want to experience confusion: Change does cause confusion, and what a blessing it is for us! Confusion scrambles the fixated thought patterns we have locked into so that we can rearrange them into a new system of ideas. If we think about it, the most wonderful events in our lives, such as moving to a new house, receiving a promotion, getting married, or having a baby, all create a temporary state of chaos. Eventually things quiet down, but as we look around, we see that we are in an entirely new space.

 

We want to avoid pain: In our attempt to avoid the pain of change, we many times hold on to the past. Ironically, the parts of the past to which we remain most attached are the very ones that typically elicit the most painful memories. For example, the parent who abandoned us, the spouse who was unfaithful, the employer who cheated us, and the friend who betrayed us. Holding on to these types of memories frequently breeds self-defeating feelings of guilt and unworthiness that fuel the illusion that we are imprisoned in a life with no choices. Most of the pain we experience in our lives does not come from moving forward. It comes from holding ourselves back.

 

If you resonate with any of the above rationalizations to avoid change, simply forgive yourself – it is time to move on!  The good news is that when we shed the light of awareness on the illusion of these self-limiting rationalizations, we free ourselves to accept change and to make new choices.  This allows you to greet life with fluidity and to see life as a process of growth. We all have the capacity to spring into action to embrace the joy of change.  Welcome new beginnings!

 

 

 

I welcome you to share any insights or experiences you would like to offer that would encourage others to embrace their process of change.

 

Love and Light,

 

Sandra