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What is the Difference Between “Giving Up” and “Letting Go?”

Posted on August 6, 2013 by Sandra Brossman

This is an image of a beautiful and happy women with open arms

Most of us have been barraged throughout our lives with messages about the importance of “never giving up,” so the thought of ever “letting go” might seem weak and powerless. In fact, you might perceive that these two concepts are totally opposite.

So what IS the difference between “never giving up” and “letting go?” Actually, I believe they are different sides of the same coin.

Never Give Up

Many of us associate the phrase, “never give up” with a perception of having a relentless, uncompromising, pre-conceived idea of how we view things should be, as well as maintaining a dogged determination to make it happen. This interpretation feeds into the illusion that we have control over other people and outer circumstances and can prove to be very exhausting and frustrating.

I believe that the loving, spiritual meaning beneath this phrase

is never give up on YOURSELF.

In order to stay true to yourself, it is healthy to never give up on:

1. Remembering that you have the power to co-create with the Universe. You do this by praying, imagining, clarifying dreams, holding visions, and setting goals that serve to take you in the direction of creating the qualities of life you choose to live.

2. Persisting to have the enormous amount of courage it takes in order to face your fears head-on.

3. Mustering up the inner strength required to handle the many set-backs that occur when things do not turn out in the specific ways you have imagined.

4. Rising above the criticism that you face from people who do not support you in your dreams, visions, and goals.

5. Committing to take action on the infinite numbers of things you need to do to cooperate with the Universe to make your dreams of a better life come true.

6. Having the faith to believe that every experience you have is taking you in the direction of Wholeness, no matter how it looks in your physical world.

7. And that’s where “letting go” comes in.

Letting Go

Many of us associate the phrase “letting go” with giving up, resignation, quitting, and “losing.” Far from the truth! Actually, “letting go” is an attitude of tremendous inner spiritual strength. It means that after we take full responsibility for honoring our personal roles in co-creating with the Universe by “never giving up” on ourselves (items 1 to 6 above) – we then “let go” of trying to control how everything manifests in our lives.

Simply stated, “letting go” means letting go of our personal attachment to outcomes. When we “let go,” we are not sacrificing anything. Indeed, we are creating a vastly larger space to allow for the Infinite Potential of the Universe to create magnificent outcomes that far transcend our human perceptions. This is because we are choosing to put the limitation of our egos aside and accept that Divine Love is at work in manifesting how our thoughts, words, and actions appear to us in our physical world – even when the outcomes don’t coincide with our personal ideas. “Letting go” is having the faith to accept that the Universe is totally cooperating with us through the power of unconditional love.

When seen from this higher spiritual perspective, we can see that “never giving up” on ourselves and “letting go” of our attachment to outcomes are two dynamics that actually work in perfect harmony!

Love and Light,

Sandra

Letting Go of Our Judgment of Others

Posted on July 2, 2013 by Sandra Brossman

This is a vintage image of a glamorous women being judged

Nothing creates separation and discord among human beings more than when we judge each other. While this is true, judge is a word that causes confusion for many of us.

On one hand, for centuries humanity has received countless messages through spiritual masters from all walks of life instructing us not to judge. Two of the most well-known are the biblical verses citing Jesus as saying,

“Judge not, lest ye be judged,” and,

“Let he who is without sin among you be the first to throw a stone.”

On the other hand, most of us would agree that we certainly need to use our judgment skills to navigate through this very complicated, polarized physical world of experience.

No wonder we are confused! In the strictly literal sense, some of the definitions of judge are:

a person qualified to decide on the relative worth of anything
to criticize or censure
a person designated to determine the winner

Wow! When we apply these definitions to how we engage with other people, it brings up a lot of questions. For example, who among us is the one person who is supremely qualified to decide on the worth of anything? Who among us appreciates being criticized or censured? And, how about, who among us is the ultimate judge of who is a winner?

In order to understand what is meant by letting go of judgment of others, we need to adopt a more neutral interpretation of the word judge. Rather than construing the word judge in a polarized way that involves attacking or assessing the value of another person, we can rise to a higher perspective by perceiving judgment as an act of discernment. We need to use our skills of judgment to discern situations, opportunities, agreements, and decisions to determine what is in our greatest good.

How do we differentiate between the polarized perception of judge versus the more enlightened, neutral interpretation?

A good point of reference to determine this is to ask ourselves, “What is the source of my judgment?” If it is coming from an intuitive space guiding us to make choices that are in our greatest good, we are most likely coming from a space of spiritual integrity. When we judge from this neutral perspective, we are assessing and evaluating objective things, such as a baseball game, a career opportunity, deciding on a financial investment, or choosing which college to attend. If we find ourselves subjectively judging another person, then the source of our judgment is coming from ego in that we have determined our superiority over some else. When we do this, we are, in essence, proclaiming ourselves to be the expert in someone else’s life. The ego perspective implies that we think we have the answers to someone else’s problems. Judging others is usually a sign that we have decided someone else needs to act the way we want them to. We are saying we are right, and someone else is wrong, which almost always creates conflict.

How can we let go of judging others?

We begin by reaching into our hearts (not our heads) to remember compassion. Compassion is a deep level of kindness in which we are open to trying to understand where other people are coming from by putting ourselves in their shoes. We acknowledge that we have not experienced their victories, their losses, their relationships, and their pain. We draw on our own experiences to understand other people more than we seek for others to understand us. We practice treating other people the way we want to be treated. We also take responsibility for the fact that when we judge another, we are also judging ourselves. Whatever we find annoying in another person is an aspect that, to a greater or lesser degree, we need to heal within ourselves.

Being non-judgmental requires that we choose to look beneath the behaviors we are witnessing and focus on the soul level of our fellow humans. There is a principle called the “Pygmalion Effect” (from the popular book of the same name or the movie, “My Fair Lady”) that exemplifies this state of grace. This principle states that if we expect the best from another and communicate such to them, they will respond by adjusting their behavior to match. The main idea concerning The “Pygmalion Effect” is that if you believe that someone is capable of achieving greatness, then you have created a space of potential for that person to achieve greatness. Stated simply, when we let go of judging others, we focus on the goodness (Godness) within everyone, rather than what is wrong with them. When we practice being non-judgmental, we offer others the opportunity to find themselves and to meet us partway.

The famous Sufi poet, Rumi, expressed this truth so eloquently when he said:

“Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing there is a field. I’ll meet you there.”

Love and Light,

Sandra

I welcome your comments, insights, and experiences on how we can let go of judgment of others.

From Clutter to Clarity

Posted on March 24, 2013 by Sandra Brossman

This is an image of a clear deck overlooking green grass and a clear blue sky

Time to spring clean our lives?

Happy spring! This is the time of year when nature demonstrates the miracle of regeneration and renewal. The days are brighter and longer, and we begin to see new growth everywhere as brown grass turns green, bare trees regain their leaves, and flowers push through the soil and blossom. Sensing the invigorating energy of spring reminds many of us of the need to revitalize our personal environment. It may very well be the time to do some spring cleaning within our lives!

About two years ago I made a conscious commitment to simplify my life and decided to do a major downsize of all my material possessions. I had thought about it for many years, but I knew the time had come to move past feeling overwhelmed and take action. I was actually feeling physically bogged down by all the stuff that had accumulated during the 23 years my husband and I lived in our home. Our house was clean and organized, but I constantly had the cumbersome awareness that we had too much of everything. While I knew that de-cluttering and downsizing would involve a lot of time and energy, I had no idea what an enormous impact this project would have on my life; emotionally, mentally, physically, and spiritually.

The process of de-cluttering, downsizing, and simplifying my life was such a life transforming experience that I would like to share with you some of the many things I learned in the process. Hopefully, my recount of this experience will inspire you to stop procrastinating and take action on that long overdue decision to move out of clutter and into clarity.

Consciously surround yourself with things

that make you feel good.

Emotionally: I came to realize that clearing space can help to heal emotions. Material things actually hold energy of past memories and events. Sorting through your things is the ideal time to acknowledge the many emotions that are associated with the material objects surrounding you. I found that allowing myself to feel the nostalgia was very healing and allowed me the choice to let go of the past and become more available to the present moment. Downsizing and de-cluttering affords you the opportunity to consciously decide to surround yourself with things that make you feel good. I also discovered that sorting through my “stuff” was a very special time to express profound gratitude for everything and anything. I realized that both the positive and negative experiences helped to make me who I am. Then there was the wonderful quality of generosity in donating and sharing items that I no longer wanted or needed. Words cannot describe the joy I felt in asking my children to choose what was special to them; driving around and dropping off items at homeless shelters; and donating furniture, blankets, clothes, bedding, and towels to veterans organizations, animal shelters, and thrift shops.

Mentally: I became aware that we need to clear our minds, as well as our physical surroundings, in order to be peaceful. Though we tend to associate clutter with material things, we live in a world where our minds are immersed in an endless sea of communication overload: emails, voicemails, text messages, faxes, computer games, and the list goes on and on. It feels like everywhere we turn, we are inundated with information, requests for an immediate response, and overall mental stimulation. I decided to create some time every day, away from technology, to be with nature; or, at the very least, to sanction an hour each day to be in a peaceful, quiet space where I can simply take some deep breaths and clear my head.

Physically: I became aware that it was much more relaxing to be in a room with “less stuff.” The things that I had chosen to take with me to my new home were only the things that I either liked, needed, or wanted. When I sorted through my belongings, I asked myself three questions:

1. Do I need this?

2. Do I like this?

3. Have I used or looked at this within the past two years?

If the answer to any one of these questions was, “no,” I knew I was kidding myself about needing to hold onto it. I also came to realize just how temporary situations in life tend to be. Sorting through massive amounts of paperwork was a particularly poignant example of this. Many papers that at one time contained important information had become obsolete. If also felt good to get these papers out of my personal space and back into the mainstream through the process of recycling.

Getting rid of clutter frees the soul.

Spiritually: I discovered that getting rid of clutter frees the soul. Clearing your physical space actually brings in more light and opens you to a whole new world of possibilities. Whether we are aware of it or not, it takes a lot of time and energy to maintain, look at, use, move around, and store “our stuff.” Freeing up this energy creates a void. Since the nature of life is to fill voids, open space is the optimal environment in which to be creative. Without so many visual distractions, we can look at life from a new point of view. It is literally easier to breathe in a clear, uncluttered environment.

While I have shared all the positive aspects of de-cluttering my life, I must, in full disclosure, share that this process of downsizing and moving was one of the most physically demanding projects I have ever tackled. It was a huge undertaking because I chose to truly downsize (I donated, recycled, or trashed about 2/3 of my physical belongings) to move to a smaller, more manageable home. Even the enormity of the project proved to be a spiritual lesson because I realized the power of teamwork and cooperation. Many of my friends and family members pitched in to give me tremendous assistance. Note: Do NOT attempt to downsize by yourself!

That being said, deciding to downsize and de-clutter my life is proving to be one of the most healthy choices I have ever made. Because I don’t have to clean, maintain, and deal with so many things, I have more time to spend with friends and to do things I enjoy. I feel more healthy, more creative, and free. Most importantly, when I wake up in the morning, I no longer feel that awful cloud above my head reminding me to clean up my life. I have finally honored my commitment to myself to “lighten up.” Like spring, I am in the cycle of regeneration and renewal.

Love and Light,

Sandra