heal yourself | Self-Help Books

This is the image of a little girl holding her beloved cat who offers unconditional love for her to share her feelings

In last week’s blog, we discussed how we all experience different versions of pain in our lives and that it is extremely essential for your well being that you allow yourself to express your feelings.

While this is true, it also realistic to say that our daily routines are typically so demanding that we find ourselves in many situations and places where we need to suppress our hurtful feelings. It is socially acceptable to laugh and smile in public, but what about all the “negative” emotions we have, like: anger, sadness, depression, and anxiety?

It is certainly not appropriate to cry, scream, or be physically aggressive when we are in school, at work, during social occasions, or in public places. When we are at home, we are preoccupied with a myriad of other responsibilities, such as: parenting, housework, errands, and, let us not forget, being emotionally and physically available to our spouses and partners. It seems like just having the time and space to express our negative feelings is a luxury. As a result, we typically “stuff down” the anger we feel about an argument we had with a friend or family member, the grief we feel about the loss of a loved one, the betrayal we feel when we have not been supported by loved ones during a very stressful time, and the list goes.

Where do all these repressed emotions go? I believe we store them in a mental file which I call, “feelings to be dealt with at another time.” Of course, unless we create the time to get these feelings out of our minds the energy of our negative feelings accumulates and eventually manifests as mental and physical disorders.

So how do we constructively manage our feelings? The following are some suggestions on how to manage your emotions in healthy ways:

Create a daily quiet time and space for yourself– This can be for as little as 10 minutes a day – perhaps the first thing in the morning or the last thing before you go to bed. This is time that you are sanctioning as a healing time for yourself. If you do not declare a daily “healthy me” time and space, you can be quite sure that everything and everyone else in your life will take priority.

Close your eyes and breathe – Inhale deeply into your lungs to the count of 5, hold the breath to the count of 5, then slowly exhale to the count of 10. Repeat this at least 5 times. This automatically calms down your “fight or flight” response.

Identify your feelings – Many times we are unaware of what emotions we are holding in. Ask yourself, “What am I feeling?” Is it grief? Feeling unimportant? Abused? Becoming conscious of your feelings is important because you are the only one who can access the emotion(s) that you need to express.

Accept whatever you are feeling – Just observe whatever you are sensing with absolutely no judgment. Feelings are not “right” or “wrong.” It is just energy which, by its very definition, is constant motion. Feelings are not meant to be stored – they are meant to be expressed. Pain is actually blocked energy.

Interpret the connection – Is this a familiar feeling that is based on a present time situation, or do you sense that it is linked to a previous event? Perhaps you are having a major response to a minor situation because you are associating it with an event in the past that caused great trauma. For example, if you are breaking up a friendship, is this the same feeling of abandonment you had when your parents got divorced? If so, the time has come to deal with the underlying source of your emotional trigger.

Pay attention to how your body is feeling – Mentally scan your body. Are you feeling this emotion in your heart? Is your throat tight? Is your head pounding? Then inhale a deep breath of energy into your heart and exhale it out into the areas where you are feeling the pain. You may discover you are holding the pain in many parts of your body. Take your time – there is no rush. What you are doing is unblocking the energy by creating movement through your breath.

Express your feelings verbally – It may help you to journalize your feelings, talk to a compassionate friend, or seek the services of of a spiritual healer or professional counselor.

Express feelings physically – Spending time in nature and playing with a beloved animal companion are wonderful ways to balance your energy. Physical exercise is also a very effective way to vent your feelings in a constructive way. Some other effective outlets for pent up energy: Find a private place and cry as much as you want; or, if you are angry, get in your car, find a place that is away from the crowd and scream your head off! Honestly, as strange as this may seem, screaming can be a very cathartic, healing experience.

Review your options – Ultimately, there are only a few ways we can manage any situation that is causing pain: Sometimes we can remove ourselves from the situation or away from the person. If not, we can change our perception about the situation. If neither of the above is possible, we can choose to accept things as they are. Anything else is a choice to stay stuck!

These are just a few ideas for honoring yourself by giving yourself permission to express your true feelings.

Remember it is human to feel a huge range of emotions. Our stress is not caused by the actual events and situations we experience; rather it is how we choose to respond to our life challenges.

I welcome your input on how you have effectively managed some of the many challenging experiences that have come into your life.

Love and Light

Sandra

Click to read last week’s blog, Give Yourself Permission to Feel Your Feelings: Part 1 of 2

A portion of this message is an excerpt from the book, The Power of Oneness, Live the Life You Choose. To learn more about how you can align your life with spiritual truth, order the book at http://www.thepowerofoneness.com/products/

This is an image of multi-ethnic hands all coming together as one

I have often shared with others my belief that forgiveness is the greatest gift we can ever give to ourselves. This many times surprises people, because it is a commonly held perception that forgiveness is something we do for others – almost like a favor that we are doing for someone. Sometimes we perceive our forgiveness as a reward we will give someone if they apologize first or change their behavior to accommodate our expectations.

It is extremely important that we understand the actual meaning of the word forgiveness. When trying to accurately interpret a word, it is many times helpful to go back to the original definition as it appears in the dictionary. According to Webster’s New World Dictionary, the actual definition of forgiving is allowing room for error or weakness; and the definition of forgive is to give up resentment. When we remember that we are all fallible and that the only thing we have to lose by forgiving anyone is the self-destructive resentment and judgment we are carrying, we begin to see more clearly that the person who benefits most from the process of forgiveness is self.

Let’s discuss just a few of the many reasons that help us to understand why forgiveness is essential for our OWN health and overall well-being:

Forgiveness is rooted in Self-Love – Self-love is the fundamental principle of all healing and the root of all compassion for self and others. When we hold on to anger and resentment with people from the past, we hurt ourselves by continuing to experience the emotions that are associated with these painful experiences. This takes a heavy toll on our mental, emotional, and physical health. It is also important to remember that life is a two-way street. Either knowingly or unknowingly, we too have hurt others through our unkind words and actions. We can only give to others that which we give to ourselves—so developing the attitude of being compassionate and kind to ourselves is a very healthy way to develop the habit of forgiveness.

Forgiveness creates harmony – It frees us from the need to be “right,” which automatically makes someone else “wrong.” This attitude breeds constant conflict with others and within ourselves. Every person who is in a disagreement thinks he or she is “right,” or there would be no discord in the first place. By letting go of our need to be right, we are not admitting we are “wrong.” We are simply being wise and compassionate enough to realize that we do not know what someone else is experiencing, what they are feeling, or why they have responded to a situation in a way that does not match our expectations. Simply stated, we are not the authority for how someone else thinks and acts, so it does not serve us well to criticize others. By judging others, we plant the seeds to remain entangled in an unproductive drama that intensifies the struggle, rather than focusing on the resolution.

Forgiveness creates inner peace – A peaceful mind is a quiet mind. Paradoxically, I think most of us would admit that we have cluttered minds. Forgiveness promotes mental clarity by cleansing our minds of unhealthy, resentful thoughts from the past. This creates the mental space for more expansive perceptions based on our spiritual values. Our society is extremely focused on physical fitness and cleansing diets for our bodies; yet we ignore our mental fitness and the critical need we have to houseclean our minds of the toxic thoughts that we constantly recycle in our minds based on our anger and resentment toward others.

Forgiveness frees us to be in present time – Blaming others keeps us stuck in the past and reinforces thought patterns that create the same dramas in the future. The only time in which we can create new realities is in the present. Since our thoughts create our personal reality, why not choose to forgive the past and adopt a new way of thinking? Why look backward? It’s not the direction you want to go.

Forgiveness shifts our self-perception – We can transform our perception of ourselves from being a victim of our circumstances, reacting to hurtful situations from the past, to one of being a student of life. Seeing ourselves as a student of life means choosing to interpret all the situations we have ever had and all the people whom we have ever met as lessons that help us to learn more about ourselves, others, and life in general. Since our perceptions determine how we experience everything in life, shifting from a self-image of being a victim to the more enlightened self-image of being a student of life empowers you to create new, more expansive realities that align with your desire to live the life YOU choose.

Forgiveness, like any form of thought, can be consciously chosen. While it can seem difficult at first, the more we practice forgiveness, the more natural it becomes. We begin to feel better about everyone—especially ourselves.

Do you have a challenging forgiveness situation that you would like to share? I welcome your comments and questions.

Love and Light,

Sandra

Tag Archives: heal yourself

Give Yourself Permission to Feel Your Feelings: Part 2 of 2

Sandra

Forgiveness – The Greatest Gift We Give To Ourselves