express yourself | Self-Help Books

This is the image of a little girl holding her beloved cat who offers unconditional love for her to share her feelings

In last week’s blog, we discussed how we all experience different versions of pain in our lives and that it is extremely essential for your well being that you allow yourself to express your feelings.

While this is true, it also realistic to say that our daily routines are typically so demanding that we find ourselves in many situations and places where we need to suppress our hurtful feelings. It is socially acceptable to laugh and smile in public, but what about all the “negative” emotions we have, like: anger, sadness, depression, and anxiety?

It is certainly not appropriate to cry, scream, or be physically aggressive when we are in school, at work, during social occasions, or in public places. When we are at home, we are preoccupied with a myriad of other responsibilities, such as: parenting, housework, errands, and, let us not forget, being emotionally and physically available to our spouses and partners. It seems like just having the time and space to express our negative feelings is a luxury. As a result, we typically “stuff down” the anger we feel about an argument we had with a friend or family member, the grief we feel about the loss of a loved one, the betrayal we feel when we have not been supported by loved ones during a very stressful time, and the list goes.

Where do all these repressed emotions go? I believe we store them in a mental file which I call, “feelings to be dealt with at another time.” Of course, unless we create the time to get these feelings out of our minds the energy of our negative feelings accumulates and eventually manifests as mental and physical disorders.

So how do we constructively manage our feelings? The following are some suggestions on how to manage your emotions in healthy ways:

Create a daily quiet time and space for yourself– This can be for as little as 10 minutes a day – perhaps the first thing in the morning or the last thing before you go to bed. This is time that you are sanctioning as a healing time for yourself. If you do not declare a daily “healthy me” time and space, you can be quite sure that everything and everyone else in your life will take priority.

Close your eyes and breathe – Inhale deeply into your lungs to the count of 5, hold the breath to the count of 5, then slowly exhale to the count of 10. Repeat this at least 5 times. This automatically calms down your “fight or flight” response.

Identify your feelings – Many times we are unaware of what emotions we are holding in. Ask yourself, “What am I feeling?” Is it grief? Feeling unimportant? Abused? Becoming conscious of your feelings is important because you are the only one who can access the emotion(s) that you need to express.

Accept whatever you are feeling – Just observe whatever you are sensing with absolutely no judgment. Feelings are not “right” or “wrong.” It is just energy which, by its very definition, is constant motion. Feelings are not meant to be stored – they are meant to be expressed. Pain is actually blocked energy.

Interpret the connection – Is this a familiar feeling that is based on a present time situation, or do you sense that it is linked to a previous event? Perhaps you are having a major response to a minor situation because you are associating it with an event in the past that caused great trauma. For example, if you are breaking up a friendship, is this the same feeling of abandonment you had when your parents got divorced? If so, the time has come to deal with the underlying source of your emotional trigger.

Pay attention to how your body is feeling – Mentally scan your body. Are you feeling this emotion in your heart? Is your throat tight? Is your head pounding? Then inhale a deep breath of energy into your heart and exhale it out into the areas where you are feeling the pain. You may discover you are holding the pain in many parts of your body. Take your time – there is no rush. What you are doing is unblocking the energy by creating movement through your breath.

Express your feelings verbally – It may help you to journalize your feelings, talk to a compassionate friend, or seek the services of of a spiritual healer or professional counselor.

Express feelings physically – Spending time in nature and playing with a beloved animal companion are wonderful ways to balance your energy. Physical exercise is also a very effective way to vent your feelings in a constructive way. Some other effective outlets for pent up energy: Find a private place and cry as much as you want; or, if you are angry, get in your car, find a place that is away from the crowd and scream your head off! Honestly, as strange as this may seem, screaming can be a very cathartic, healing experience.

Review your options – Ultimately, there are only a few ways we can manage any situation that is causing pain: Sometimes we can remove ourselves from the situation or away from the person. If not, we can change our perception about the situation. If neither of the above is possible, we can choose to accept things as they are. Anything else is a choice to stay stuck!

These are just a few ideas for honoring yourself by giving yourself permission to express your true feelings.

Remember it is human to feel a huge range of emotions. Our stress is not caused by the actual events and situations we experience; rather it is how we choose to respond to our life challenges.

I welcome your input on how you have effectively managed some of the many challenging experiences that have come into your life.

Love and Light

Sandra

Click to read last week’s blog, Give Yourself Permission to Feel Your Feelings: Part 1 of 2

A portion of this message is an excerpt from the book, The Power of Oneness, Live the Life You Choose. To learn more about how you can align your life with spiritual truth, order the book at http://www.thepowerofoneness.com/products/

Sign with clouds behind that says, "Self-Worth

Do you constantly long for wonderful things in your life that just don’t seem to be happening? Perhaps you are hoping for more love in your relationships, greater financial abundance, a career you truly enjoy, and better health. You have worked hard, may have thought about the quality of life you desire in countless ways, imagined it, and prayed for it – and still, it just doesn’t seem to be manifesting into your reality!

So why aren’t your hopes and dreams for a better life coming true?

In your pure state of spirituality, there is a higher aspect of yourself that already knows you deserve to be loved, joyful, healthy, peaceful and living in abundance. This is the natural way of being your Essential Self, or often times referred to as your Higher Self, that is connected to spiritual truth. When your thoughts are in harmony with your truth, you remember that you DESERVE to receive all of these blessings.

There is also another aspect of yourself, which is the ego part of your mind, that dwells on thoughts of fear. All thought is creative, so whatever you are experiencing is a giant mirror reflecting your predominant thoughts. When you focus on fear, you create fearful circumstances. When you choose to focus on unconditional love, you create loving experiences. Since fear is the opposite of love, when you choose thoughts of fear, you are blocking the flow of blessings that naturally flow to you through the energy of unconditional love.

One major way in which we block the flow of blessings manifesting into our physical reality is through guilt and shame.

When we hold on to these self-defeating fearful emotions, we are basically sending out a conflicting message to the Universe: “Yes, I ask for all these blessings to come into my life; but no, I can’t accept them because I am not deserving.” By doing this, we are separating our Spiritual Self from our Physical Self and are standing in our own way of receiving, Not surprisingly, we don’t feel like we are in the flow of life.

If you are feeling guilty or shameful, you are most likely dwelling on the past and judging yourself for all the things you have said or done to hurt yourself and others. Perhaps the rationalization you are using for holding onto guilt and shame is that you feel the need to punish yourself for the many things you may have said or done in the past that you now perceive as “wrong.” The problem is that this type of self-flagellation does not heal anyone or anything. In truth, holding onto guilt and self-punishment is a form of ego that confirms victimhood. If not expressed and transformed, chances are that your feelings of guilt and shame will turn into long-term resentment, bitterness, and anger because you are not being kind to yourself.

Express your feelings

Feeling guilty and shameful at times is human and appropriate. This is why it is important to be honest with yourself about your feelings and express them in a constructive way. Talking with a non-judgmental friend or professional health practitioner, spending time with people you love, participating in physical activity, and being with nature are just a few ways to let out your emotions. Expressing your feelings of guilt and shame is healthy – on the other hand, making these feelings a permanent foundation for your beliefs about yourself is extremely damaging. It can become a constant excuse for denying yourself the quality of life you want to live.

Forgive Yourself

After you express your feelings, FORGIVE YOURSELF. Forgiving yourself does not mean that you just forget about everything. Forgiveness is a choice to stop living in the past and adjust your thoughts to focus in present time, where all possibilities exist. Forgiving yourself actually requires that you take full responsibility to choose healthier thoughts and actions. Since the past is already behind you, you now have a choice: you can drag along the pain and sorrow of your past experiences, or you can carry forward the lessons and growth that you have gained from dealing with the many challenges in your life. While this may seem like an oversimplification, this single decision will have a healing effect on your thoughts, your feelings, and your actions – in other words, it will change your whole reality!

Then make a commitment to yourself to be as honest and kind as you know to be to yourself and others from this point forward. This intention, based on forgiveness of self and others, requires an enormous amount of practice every day in every way. It is more than worth it because it harmonizes your thoughts with the frequency of Universal Love and will clear the way for you to receive the infinite blessings you DESERVE.

Love and Light,

Sandra

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Give Yourself Permission to Feel Your Feelings: Part 2 of 2

Sandra

You Are Worthy!