Tag Archives: compassion

Looking Through the Eyes of Love

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This is the image of two hands coming together with the sky in the background making the shape of a heart

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Have you ever had times when every one and every thing is agitating you and you feel like what you most need is a vacation from people in general?

 

On a typical day, we all have an infinite number of opportunities to react to situations that trigger our own fears and insecurities. The driver who suddenly cuts in front of your car may spark you to react with an angry gesture; a work associate who adamantly disagrees with you may cause you to be overtly defensive of your own point of view; being on the receiving end of someone hurling cruel words may cause you to retaliate with a vengeful response; or experiencing a food server with a negative attitude may cause you to respond in an unkind, judgmental manner.

 

When you react to someone else’s fearful words and actions with the same defensive energy, you are perpetuating separation and adding to the negative energy of the situation.  This ultimately results in everyone’s feelings being hurt, as well as a serious breakdown in communication.  When you find yourself in a reactive mode and feeling pulled into other people’s dramas, it is a sure sign that it is time to expand your perspectives to focus on more than just your own personal reality.

 

Perspective is the overall viewpoint from which we see our world. We don’t actually see our perspectives.  We look at life through our perspectives, much the same as we see through a pair of eyeglasses. While we cannot control everything that happens in our lives, each of us is responsible for choosing how we want to interpret and respond to life events and situations.  If we change one letter in the spelling of the word responsible–to responseABLE–we are reminded that we are able to choose our responses to life. Since our responses are based on our perspectives, we are each able to change how we experience life in an instant by changing the lens through which we view our life experiences.  Ultimately, we have a choice:  We can view life from the perspective of fear, which results in mindlessly and defensively reacting to the negative energy of people and situations; or we can learn and grow from every person we meet and every situation we encounter by changing our view of life to see through the eyes of love.

 

Looking through the eyes of love is a conscious choice to perceive people and their situations with compassion and understanding. When you exercise compassion, you are empathetic because you are able to sense the feelings that are motivating another person’s actions, rather than judging their obvious outward behavior. Rather than focusing only on your own personal situation, compassion enables you to see a situation from the other person’s perspective as well. It is through compassion and understanding that you can resonate with another person’s feelings by remembering that, just like you, every single human being you will ever meet is also experiencing pain, sickness, and loss in their lives. You also begin to stop taking people’s reactions so personally – the way someone acts is a projection of how they feel about themselves – not an evaluation of your self-worth.

 

Choosing to perceive life through compassion and understanding, rather than judgment and defensive reaction, opens us up to a whole new vista of life.  It is like looking through a special pair of eyeglasses that enables you to have an emotional x-ray vision that can see the issues of fear that are motivating someone’s negative and offensive behaviors. The person who cuts in front of your car may be going through a divorce; the work associate who relentlessly argues with you may have a serious mental imbalance; the person who is speaking to you with unkind words may have just lost her job; and the restaurant server who had a negative attitude may have just gone through the loss of a loved one.

 

I experienced the value of perceiving a situation in a compassionate way a couple of years ago when I was waiting in the checkout line of a local grocery store. The cashier appeared to be rude as she haphazardly threw the purchased items into bags and never once looked up to smile or greet any of the customers.  I was fourth in line, and the annoyance and judgment of each person who preceded me intensified as the line progressed forward.  When it was my turn to be waited on, I gently asked a simple question:  “Are you having a difficult day?”  The woman who was cashiering looked up and stared at me, her eyes brimming with tears.  “It is more than a difficult day – I am so upset I can hardly breathe. Today marks the one-year anniversary of the day my daughter was killed in a car crash.  She was only 4 years old.  I don’t know how I can even live through today.”  My heart ached for this woman, and I found myself giving her a long, spontaneous hug.  “Thank you for understanding,” she replied. As I left the grocery store, I was so thankful that I had not judged the cashier and had taken an extra minute to ask her that simple question.

 

When we choose to look at people and situations through the eyes of love, we are acknowledging that we are all emotionally vulnerable and that every one of us is  experiencing tremendous challenges in negotiating our spiritual journey here on earth. Not only are we being kind to others, it is also one of the most self-fulfilling ways to honor our own soul.

 

I welcome you to share ways in which you are aware that your perspective has greatly influenced your relationships with others.

 

Love and Light

 

Sandra

 

Having the Strength to Be Vulnerable

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An image of a puppy and a cat happily sitting together

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Vulnerability is a word that tends to have a very negative connotation in our society.  The associations that come to mind when we think of vulnerability are: susceptible to being wounded or hurt; being open to attack and criticism.  Vulnerability is one of those words that society (and the dictionary) has labeled as a “negative emotion” and one to avoid at all costs.

 

 

As a result of these perceptions, the automatic response that most of us have to the mere thought of being vulnerable is to shield ourselves from any potential attack on our energy by putting up an emotional wall around ourselves. We may even think that if we can protect ourselves from being hurt by someone else’s thoughts, words, and actions, eventually we won’t feel any pain.

 

 

This seemingly self-protective strategy ultimately backfires because when we become numb to pain, we also become numb to experiencing the flow of joy and love in our lives. Putting emotional armor around ourselves actually creates a disconnect between the head and the heart.  Every human being is vulnerable because we all want and need to be loved and accepted.  If we deny our own vulnerability, how can we possibly have empathy and compassion for other human beings?  Empathy and compassion are not experienced in our heads; rather, these self-empowering emotions can only be fully experienced through the heart.

 

 

When you try to avoid being vulnerable,
you are judging yourself for not being perfect. 

 

 

When you judge yourself, you feel afraid that others will judge you as well.  In an effort to “protect” yourself from having your perceived weaknesses being seen by others, you then have to hide all the parts of yourself that you don’t like by stuffing these fearful emotions somewhere into your mind and body. Ironically, in this futile attempt to “protect” yourself from others, you actually hurt yourself. By not bringing these hidden fears into the light of awareness, eventually your repressed feelings will surely erupt into mental, emotional, and physical pain and suffering.

 

 

 
Everyone has a “shadow side,” which is simply the love that is
trapped inside of us that we are afraid to express.

 

 

When we choose to express our complete, authentic self, we bring our “shadow side” to the conscious light of awareness, thereby creating the space to heal all the parts of ourselves. The following are some healthy ways in which we can allow ourselves to express our vulnerability:

 

1.  Lighten up with humor – We tend to take ourselves so seriously.  There are times when it is entirely appropriate to laugh at our own “mistakes.”

 

2.  Admit when you don’t understand something – Many times we repeat the same unproductive patterns  because we are afraid we will be judged as “stupid” if we ask more questions.

 

3.  Express your honest feelings in a kind, respectful way –  This applies equally to situations where you think that what you have to say is not going to be popular.

 

4.  Tell the truth –  even if it is something so small that no one would know the difference.  Complete honesty creates self-respect and encourages others to do the same.

 

5.  Ask for help when you feel you can’t handle the work load – We don’t need to sacrifice our health and well being to prove to the world that we are capable or indestructible.

 

6.  Take responsibility for your thoughts, words, and actions – When you feel you have hurt someone, face up to it by offering an apology.  You will feel better, and so will the other person.

 

 

Vulnerability does not mean rolling over and allowing yourself to be kicked around.  Expressing your vulnerability is actually an amazing strength that involves standing up for yourself by completely accepting all the parts of who you are – the beautiful and the unattractive parts, the strong and the weak aspects, as well as the successes and the failures that you have experienced.

 

 

If we do not judge ourselves harshly, then it follows that we will not be critical of others. When we accept our Whole Self – warts and all – we open the path for genuine communication in all of our relationships because it sends the signal to others that it is OK for them to be imperfect as well.  It is an acknowledgment of the truth that we accept something we humans all have in common – we are each here on earth to learn and to grow.

 

 

When we are willing to be vulnerable, we are giving ourselves permission to be seen in our entirety. Through this complete acceptance of self, we begin to comprehend the true meaning of unconditional love – for ourselves and others.

 

 

Unconditional love is, indeed, the ultimate in self-protection. 

 

 

Love and Light,

 

Sandra

Letting Go of Our Judgment of Others

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This is a vintage image of a glamorous women being judged

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Nothing creates separation and discord among human beings more than when we judge each other.  While this is true, judge is a word that causes confusion for many of us.

 

 

On one hand, for centuries humanity has received countless messages through spiritual masters from all walks of life instructing us not to judge. Two of the most well-known are the biblical verses citing Jesus as saying,

 

 

“Judge not, lest ye be judged,” and, 

“Let he who is without sin among you be the first to throw a stone.” 

 

 

On the other hand, most of us would agree that we certainly need to use our judgment skills to navigate through this very complicated, polarized physical world of experience.

 

 

No wonder we are confused!  In the strictly literal sense, some of the definitions of judge are:

 

  • a person qualified to decide on the relative worth of anything
  • to criticize or censure
  • a person designated to determine the winner

 

Wow!  When we apply these definitions to how we engage with other people, it brings up a lot of questions.  For example, who among us is the one person who is supremely qualified to decide on the worth of anything?  Who among us appreciates being criticized or censured? And, how about, who among us is the ultimate judge of who is a winner?

 

 

In order to understand what is meant by letting go of judgment of others, we need to adopt a more neutral interpretation of the word judge. Rather than construing the word judge in a polarized way that involves attacking or assessing the value of another person, we can rise to a higher perspective by perceiving judgment as an act of discernment. We need to use our skills of judgment to discern situations, opportunities, agreements, and decisions to determine what is in our greatest good.

 

 

How do we differentiate between the polarized perception of judge versus the more enlightened, neutral interpretation?  

 

 

A good point of reference to determine this is to ask ourselves, “What is the source of my judgment?”  If it is coming from an intuitive space guiding us to make choices that are in our greatest good, we are most likely coming from a space of spiritual integrity.  When we judge from this neutral perspective, we are assessing and evaluating objective things, such as a baseball game, a career opportunity, deciding on a financial investment, or choosing which college to attend.  If we find ourselves subjectively judging another person, then the source of our judgment is coming from ego in that we have determined our superiority over some else.  When we do this, we are, in essence, proclaiming ourselves to be the expert in someone else’s life. The ego perspective implies that we think we have the answers to someone else’s problems.  Judging others is usually a sign that we have decided someone else needs to act the way we want them to.  We are saying we are right, and someone else is wrong, which almost always creates conflict.

 

 

How can we let go of judging others? 

 

 

We begin by reaching into our hearts (not our heads) to remember compassion. Compassion is a deep level of kindness in which we are open to trying to understand where other people are coming from by putting ourselves in their shoes.   We acknowledge that we have not experienced their victories, their losses, their relationships, and their pain.  We draw on our own experiences to understand other people more than we seek for others to understand us.  We practice treating other people the way we want to be treated. We also take responsibility for the fact that when we judge another, we are also judging ourselves. Whatever we find annoying in another person is an aspect that, to a greater or lesser degree, we need to heal within ourselves.

 

 

Being non-judgmental requires that we choose to look beneath the behaviors we are witnessing and focus on the soul level of our fellow humans. There is a principle called the “Pygmalion Effect” (from the popular book of the same name or the movie, “My Fair Lady”) that exemplifies this state of grace.  This principle states that if we expect the best from another and communicate such to them, they will respond by adjusting their behavior to match. The main idea concerning The “Pygmalion Effect” is that if you believe that someone is capable of achieving greatness, then you have created a space of potential for that person to achieve greatness. Stated simply, when we let go of judging others, we focus on the goodness (Godness) within everyone, rather than what is wrong with them.  When we practice being non-judgmental, we offer others the opportunity to find themselves and to meet us partway.

 

 

The famous Sufi poet, Rumi, expressed this truth so eloquently when he said:

 

 

“Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing there is a field.  I’ll meet you there.”

 

 

Love and Light,

 

Sandra

 

I welcome your comments, insights, and experiences on how we can let go of judgment of others.

10 Steps for Living a Sacred Life

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This is the image of the word love written three times with colorful finger-paints

©Yanush/shutterstock

 

 

Our true life purpose is to live a sacred life by consistently expressing our spiritual values in all that we think, say, and do. 

 

 

 

10 Steps for Living a Sacred Life

 

 

1.   Honor the divinity within yourself, everyone, and everything.

 

Everyone and everything was created in divine love. Accordingly, align your thoughts, words, and deeds with kindness, respect, and cooperation.

 

 

2.   Accept people as they are without trying to change them to conform to your expectations.

 

The only way we can change others is through our own positive example.

 

 

3.   Forgive yourself and others.

 

Be compassionate toward yourself and others – It takes a great deal of courage for any one of us to be here.

 

 

4.   Recognize that we all have the same spiritual purpose – to receive and express unconditional love. 

 

You will remember this in your own unique way and in your own time. So will everyone else.

 

 

5.   Understand that it is not in your greatest good to judge or criticize anyone.

 

Whatever you criticize about someone else is an aspect, to a greater or lesser degree, that you need to heal within yourself.

 

 

6.   See life as a process of growth.

 

There are no failures. Every situation you experience and every person you meet is an opportunity for growth and greater insight to universal truth and love.

 

 

7.   Develop an attitude of gratitude.

 

Being thankful for everything and everyone is the most effective way to create peace and prosperity in your life.

 

 

8.   Remember we are all a part of the whole of existence.  

 

What affects one of us affects all of us. Take responsibility for the fact that your thoughts, words, and actions, and even your underlying motivations, are constantly impacting the entire world.

 

 

9.   Respect everything in the environment.

 

The way we take care of the earth is the way it takes care of us.

 

 

10.  Forgive yourself whenever you forget any of the above.

 

 

 

Excerpt from “The Power of Oneness, Live The Life You Choose”

Mother’s Day – A Perfect Day for Healing

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This is an image of a mother holding her child above her head at sunset

© Konstantin Sutyagin/shutterstock

 

 

Mother’s Day is just around the corner.  Mother’s Day, a holiday proclaimed by President Woodrow Wilson in 1914,  is a day of celebration in which we honor mothers, motherhood, and maternal bonds. The power and influence of mothers and maternal figures in our personal lives and in our society is beyond measure.  Mothers and grandmothers are the core strength of the home, the creators of life, the nurturers of children, our first teachers, our female role models, and our indispensable companions. Most importantly, when we think of a mother’s love, we frequently think of the unconditional boundless love that is the closest human expression of divine love.

 

 

Mother’s Day, like all holidays, elicits different feelings for each one of us.  Whether we think our mothers did a “good” job or a “bad” job of raising us, the truth is that our mothers played an enormous role in helping us to form our system of values, sense of self, foundation of security, and, in general, the initial foundation for all of our perceptions in life.

 

 

Some of us were fortunate to be raised by mothers or mother figures who were confident, strong, and a model of unconditional love.  If this is the case, the mere mention of the word “mother” conjures up feelings of warmth, nurturing and safety. If you are one of these people, Mother’s Day is a joyful day where you are inspired to cherish and appreciate your mother and buying a card, giving a hug, and saying “I love you”  feels completely natural.

 

 

If your mother has passed on, this may be an especially sad time of year as you recognize that losing a mom creates a void that no one else can fill in your life.  Who could ever understand you, unconditionally accept you, and always love you the way your mother did?

 

 

And then there are others who have had a vastly different experience. There are many people who attribute the root cause of most of their pain and problems to their mothers. In working with clients over many years in my spiritual healing practice, I discovered that blaming our mothers for our shortcomings is the deepest underlying issue for almost every major healing issue: mental, emotional, and physical.  In fact, I observed that our mothers have so much influence in our lives that when a mother would heal a painful issue, the child (whether young, middle age, or old) was automatically positively affected; and, conversely, when the child (of any age) would heal, the mother would also be positively affected.

 

 

From a spiritual perspective, the soul of a child chooses his or her mother, and the mother chooses the child.  Because our life journey is all about becoming whole, we choose parents from whom we learn what we most need to know – we fulfill these lessons in both positive and negative ways.  If, for example, our mothers did not praise us very much, it could be that our souls needed to remember that we get our genuine validation from within ourselves – not from external sources.  On the other side of the coin, mothers learn just as much from their children.  For example, a child with learning differences may be teaching a mother all about patience and acceptance.

 

 

The single most important factor that affects our relationships with our mothers is our own attitude.  As children, we typically had great expectations of all the qualities we wanted our mothers to have — we wanted her to be our Rock of Gibraltar, the model of an ideal woman, have the patience of Job, and express the love of an angel.  As we mature, we need to accept that our mothers are human and that they have had to deal with issues that were passed on to them by their parents. I truly believe that most mothers love to the best of their capacity and want the very best for their children.  I also think most mothers would agree that motherhood is simultaneously the both most difficult and rewarding job in all the world.

 

 

Unconditionally accepting our mothers for who they are (or were) is our greatest lesson in compassion and forgiveness. Since we are inextricably connected with our mothers, forgiving them for their shortcomings and for falling short of our expectations is the same thing as forgiving ourselves for carrying forward any unhealthy patterns which need to be healed.  And when you think about it, who better than our mothers to teach us this magnificent lesson.

 

 

Happy Mother’s Day!

 

 

Love and Light,

 

Sandra
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