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Getting Unstuck

Posted on September 3, 2013 by Sandra Brossman

This is an image of a beautiful woman jumping for joy on the beach

We have all had times in our lives when we have felt “stuck.” What an uncomfortable feeling! It is like being sucked into a dark emotional whirlpool of indecision and total lack of direction! When this happens, we go round and round until we actually begin to believe that we are living a life with few or no options.

The state of occasionally feeling stuck is part of our spiritual growth and generally follows major shifts in our lives. It often follows a period of trauma, such as: getting divorced, losing a loved one, a health crisis, or financial loss. Interestingly, it is equally common to experience this feeling following “positive” changes in our lives, such as: getting married, the birth of a child, sending the last child off to school, getting a promotion at work, moving our home location, or retiring.

Often times we deal with the aftermath of going through these traumas and major transitions by “freezing,” which is actually the equivalent of an emotional aftershock. As always, we need to respect ourselves by honoring and expressing the feelings we have that accompany the shifts within our lives. We need to be aware of and express grief, anger, resentment, fear, and the myriad of emotions that each experience brings out within us. Also, this period of emotional plateauing is healthy in that we may require some time to stabilize ourselves in order to prepare for shifting into the new priorities that follow major life changes.

A problem arises only when we remain in this “frozen state” for long periods of time by continuing to focus on the past. Continuing to resist the changes in our lives, whether positive or negative, can cause a great deal of suffering and, over a prolonged period of time, can eventually cause depression. Depression causes a paralytic state of mind that blocks our creativity and ability to flow with change.

There is an underlying theme beneath the feeling of being stuck: When we experience major change in our lives, we tend to pause and question our purpose. In other words, as we end one stage of life and begin another, we are called upon to create new ideas of what we want to do with our lives. Major life transitions are intersections; and, just as we do when approaching a traffic intersection, we need to slow down in order to switch directions.

Here are some suggestions for getting unstuck and moving “into the flow:”

1. Express Your Feelings – Be aware of your emotions and express them to supportive people in your life. This helps your mind to process the changes you are experiencing with greater ease and helps to keep your heart open.

2. Forgive Yourself – Many times we beat ourselves up with the “I should have,” “I wish I had,” and “If only” statements. Some of the life shifts you are experiencing can feel like walloping blows to your sense of third dimensional security. Be kind to yourself by acknowledging that you are doing the best you know to do with what is going on in your life.

3. Develop the Habit of Self-Loving Dialogue – Consciously choose to talk to yourself as though you were your own best friend. By making this a regular practice, you will eventually reinforce your self-esteem.

4. Focus on the Lessons Learned Through the Changes – Every experience you have ever had has helped you to become wiser and more whole. When you glean the life lessons you most need to learn from your challenging experiences, you will not repeat the same unproductive patterns.

5. Express Gratitude for the Lessons – Expressing appreciation for both the ups and downs of life is a wonderful way to attract blessings and to live in a state of grace, no matter what you are experiencing.

6. Create a New Dream – The completion of each state of life offers the opportunity for the beginning of a new one. This is the perfect time to decide what you would like to do to expand your life through new adventures. (You may find it helpful to read my previous blog from August 27, “Creating Visions of Your Desired Reality.”)

7. Step Into Your Dream – The most effective way to break out of inertia is to take action. NOW is the time to take the first step toward fulfilling your visions of new beginnings. You do not have wait until the perfect time, the perfect place, or the perfect opportunity. There is no “right” or “wrong” when it comes to being the author of your own life. Every single action that you take toward realizing your new dream creates momentum. As the famous Nike slogan so aptly expresses, “Just Do It!”

The energy of life is dynamic, so change is inevitable. HOW we experience change is a choice. When we resist change, we feel stuck; when we accept it, we free ourselves to learn and grow and to experience inner peace, no matter what is going on in our outer world.

Love and Light,

Sandra

The Joy of Spring – A Time For Change and New Beginnings

Posted on April 9, 2013 by Sandra Brossman

©MitarArt/shutterstock

Spring is a glorious time of rebirth and renewal. The fact that all of nature is always in the process of transformation is most apparent in spring.

Everywhere we turn we see evidence of the cycle of new beginnings. The earth thaws and becomes soft again, giving way to the emergence of new growth. The latent force within seeds awakens, allowing buds and blossoms to slowly appear and then explode into new life. The rhythm of the seasons demonstrates to us that the life force of creation is constant change and growth.

So it is with our own energy in spring. The seasonal surge moves into and through us, creating the impetus to make a fresh start. It is a perfect time to renew ourselves and break out of our old “earth patterns” to reach higher levels of consciousness. So how do we do this?

We can only change ourselves

First, and most importantly, we need to remember that the only person we have the power to change is ourselves. In the words of Mahatma Gandhi, “We need to BE the change we want to see.” Change is something we tend to want everyone else to do. When we avoid taking responsibility for changing ourselves, we are placing virtually everyone else in charge of our lives, which is many times the very thing we fear the most.

“Spring” is not just a noun – it is also a verb.

Second, I encourage you to embrace the full meaning of “spring.” It is not just a noun – it is also a verb, meaning to leap forward over obstacles. So what is our greatest obstacle in moving forward? As usual, it is fear, but fear of what? Generally our greatest fear is that of the unknown. Or to put it another way, most of us are afraid of change. This is, indeed, a real “catch 22” because change and growth are qualities that are inherent to the energy of life. Change is inevitable, but how we choose to experience it is a choice! We can accept it or we can resist it.

Since what we resist persists, one of the most effective ways I know to open up to change is to become conscious of what we are resisting. Once we become aware of why we are resisting change, we have the power to transcend our perceptions of fear and open our minds to the natural flow of change.

Following are some of the rationalizations we use to resist change:

We want to feel safe: We need to ask ourselves, safe from what? Are we really safe when we cling to the familiar? It is our spiritual nature to be the expression of perpetual growth and expansion. If we accept change, we can move forward in harmony with the flow of life. If we resist it, we are bound to experience tremendous difficulties. Resisting change keeps us locked into mental, emotional, and physical patterns based on the past. The safest place to be is in present time, which frees us to create healthy, new perceptions.

We don’t have the courage or strength: Courage (root word cuer, meaning heart) does not mean the absence of fear. Indeed, we all have fears. Having courage means we have the heart to face our fears and to make changes for the better, even when we are afraid. Does it take strength to make changes? Of course it does, but it takes a lot more of our strength to withstand the turmoil of going against the natural current of change. If we think about the times our strength has felt most depleted, has it been when we used our energy to adjust to new challenges, or when we desperately tried to stay in the same space?

We want to be comfortable: If we are not moving forward, we eventually become stuck in the status quo. Is it comfortable to feel stuck? Even though we may feel a little insecure about moving out of familiar spaces, it is really quite healthy to experience the discomfort that comes from growth. Discomfort is caused by bumping up against the boundaries we have outgrown, indicating that this is time for our mind’s knowledge to catch up with our soul’s wisdom. When we feel the world around us is beginning to close in, we can’t resolve the situation by making ourselves smaller; however, we can choose to create more expansive perspectives.

We don’t want to experience confusion: Change does cause confusion, and what a blessing it is for us! Confusion scrambles the fixated thought patterns we have locked into so that we can rearrange them into a new system of ideas. If we think about it, the most wonderful events in our lives, such as moving to a new house, receiving a promotion, getting married, or having a baby, all create a temporary state of chaos. Eventually things quiet down, but as we look around, we see that we are in an entirely new space.

We want to avoid pain: In our attempt to avoid the pain of change, we many times hold on to the past. Ironically, the parts of the past to which we remain most attached are the very ones that typically elicit the most painful memories. For example, the parent who abandoned us, the spouse who was unfaithful, the employer who cheated us, and the friend who betrayed us. Holding on to these types of memories frequently breeds self-defeating feelings of guilt and unworthiness that fuel the illusion that we are imprisoned in a life with no choices. Most of the pain we experience in our lives does not come from moving forward. It comes from holding ourselves back.

If you resonate with any of the above rationalizations to avoid change, simply forgive yourself – it is time to move on! The good news is that when we shed the light of awareness on the illusion of these self-limiting rationalizations, we free ourselves to accept change and to make new choices. This allows you to greet life with fluidity and to see life as a process of growth. We all have the capacity to spring into action to embrace the joy of change. Welcome new beginnings!

I welcome you to share any insights or experiences you would like to offer that would encourage others to embrace their process of change.

Love and Light,

Sandra

From Clutter to Clarity

Posted on March 24, 2013 by Sandra Brossman

This is an image of a clear deck overlooking green grass and a clear blue sky

Time to spring clean our lives?

Happy spring! This is the time of year when nature demonstrates the miracle of regeneration and renewal. The days are brighter and longer, and we begin to see new growth everywhere as brown grass turns green, bare trees regain their leaves, and flowers push through the soil and blossom. Sensing the invigorating energy of spring reminds many of us of the need to revitalize our personal environment. It may very well be the time to do some spring cleaning within our lives!

About two years ago I made a conscious commitment to simplify my life and decided to do a major downsize of all my material possessions. I had thought about it for many years, but I knew the time had come to move past feeling overwhelmed and take action. I was actually feeling physically bogged down by all the stuff that had accumulated during the 23 years my husband and I lived in our home. Our house was clean and organized, but I constantly had the cumbersome awareness that we had too much of everything. While I knew that de-cluttering and downsizing would involve a lot of time and energy, I had no idea what an enormous impact this project would have on my life; emotionally, mentally, physically, and spiritually.

The process of de-cluttering, downsizing, and simplifying my life was such a life transforming experience that I would like to share with you some of the many things I learned in the process. Hopefully, my recount of this experience will inspire you to stop procrastinating and take action on that long overdue decision to move out of clutter and into clarity.

Consciously surround yourself with things

that make you feel good.

Emotionally: I came to realize that clearing space can help to heal emotions. Material things actually hold energy of past memories and events. Sorting through your things is the ideal time to acknowledge the many emotions that are associated with the material objects surrounding you. I found that allowing myself to feel the nostalgia was very healing and allowed me the choice to let go of the past and become more available to the present moment. Downsizing and de-cluttering affords you the opportunity to consciously decide to surround yourself with things that make you feel good. I also discovered that sorting through my “stuff” was a very special time to express profound gratitude for everything and anything. I realized that both the positive and negative experiences helped to make me who I am. Then there was the wonderful quality of generosity in donating and sharing items that I no longer wanted or needed. Words cannot describe the joy I felt in asking my children to choose what was special to them; driving around and dropping off items at homeless shelters; and donating furniture, blankets, clothes, bedding, and towels to veterans organizations, animal shelters, and thrift shops.

Mentally: I became aware that we need to clear our minds, as well as our physical surroundings, in order to be peaceful. Though we tend to associate clutter with material things, we live in a world where our minds are immersed in an endless sea of communication overload: emails, voicemails, text messages, faxes, computer games, and the list goes on and on. It feels like everywhere we turn, we are inundated with information, requests for an immediate response, and overall mental stimulation. I decided to create some time every day, away from technology, to be with nature; or, at the very least, to sanction an hour each day to be in a peaceful, quiet space where I can simply take some deep breaths and clear my head.

Physically: I became aware that it was much more relaxing to be in a room with “less stuff.” The things that I had chosen to take with me to my new home were only the things that I either liked, needed, or wanted. When I sorted through my belongings, I asked myself three questions:

1. Do I need this?

2. Do I like this?

3. Have I used or looked at this within the past two years?

If the answer to any one of these questions was, “no,” I knew I was kidding myself about needing to hold onto it. I also came to realize just how temporary situations in life tend to be. Sorting through massive amounts of paperwork was a particularly poignant example of this. Many papers that at one time contained important information had become obsolete. If also felt good to get these papers out of my personal space and back into the mainstream through the process of recycling.

Getting rid of clutter frees the soul.

Spiritually: I discovered that getting rid of clutter frees the soul. Clearing your physical space actually brings in more light and opens you to a whole new world of possibilities. Whether we are aware of it or not, it takes a lot of time and energy to maintain, look at, use, move around, and store “our stuff.” Freeing up this energy creates a void. Since the nature of life is to fill voids, open space is the optimal environment in which to be creative. Without so many visual distractions, we can look at life from a new point of view. It is literally easier to breathe in a clear, uncluttered environment.

While I have shared all the positive aspects of de-cluttering my life, I must, in full disclosure, share that this process of downsizing and moving was one of the most physically demanding projects I have ever tackled. It was a huge undertaking because I chose to truly downsize (I donated, recycled, or trashed about 2/3 of my physical belongings) to move to a smaller, more manageable home. Even the enormity of the project proved to be a spiritual lesson because I realized the power of teamwork and cooperation. Many of my friends and family members pitched in to give me tremendous assistance. Note: Do NOT attempt to downsize by yourself!

That being said, deciding to downsize and de-clutter my life is proving to be one of the most healthy choices I have ever made. Because I don’t have to clean, maintain, and deal with so many things, I have more time to spend with friends and to do things I enjoy. I feel more healthy, more creative, and free. Most importantly, when I wake up in the morning, I no longer feel that awful cloud above my head reminding me to clean up my life. I have finally honored my commitment to myself to “lighten up.” Like spring, I am in the cycle of regeneration and renewal.

Love and Light,

Sandra