PART TWO: A Simple Forgiveness Exercise

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In last week’s blog, we talked about the need to forgive everyone, including people who have hurt us deeply. In this message, we discuss a simple forgiveness process that can be practiced all the time and has the infinite potential to heal everyone and everything, beginning with you. Since the process that is described at the end of the blog is exquisitely simple, the following points are intended to help you to open your mind and heart to the blessings of forgiveness:

 

Honor Your Feelings. Express your anger and resentment by beginning with a catharsis. Trying to forgive someone without first venting your feelings of pain is like trying to seal a potential volcanic eruption with a band-aid. There is usually a great deal of energy that needs to be released before the wound can heal. Some constructive ways you can do this are to: Give yourself permission to cry or even scream (best done in the car or somewhere where no one else can hear you!), talk with someone who is a compassionate listener, write your feelings down on paper, or engage in physical exercise. It is easy to stay stuck in this stage of expressing your feelings, so be sure to commit yourself to moving on to the next step of taking responsibility.

 

Take responsibility for the part that you have played in creating the situation. This is probably the most self-empowering step in the process of forgiveness. Since our thoughts create our reality, it is important that you remember that you have played a role in the creation of every experience you have ever had. By taking responsibility for your part, you are no longer a victim. If you created it, you can also change it!

 

Let go the need to judge who is “right” and who is “wrong.” Chances are that each person involved is absolutely certain he or she is right. This is why there is a conflict in the first place! Continuing to think this way only perpetuates more pain and suffering and resolves nothing.

 

Forgive yourself. You can only do for another that which you can do for yourself. This is truly an act of self-love. You are not forgiving yourself for being “wrong.” You are forgiving yourself for making choices that were not aligned with your personal values and self-respect. You are also forgiving yourself for continuing to punish yourself by constantly re-living painful memories.

 

See the Other Person’s Point of View – Remember that forgiveness is a two-way street. We need to also ask for forgiveness for our own transgressions against others. It is much easier to remember who has hurt us; yet many times the best way to move away from the self-perception of being an innocent victim is to realize that we have also hurt other people.

 

Be thankful for every experience. Every person you meet and every situation you have experienced is teaching you to be more whole. Our greatest lessons many times come through our most painful times. Choosing to be thankful for what you have learned from both the pleasant and unpleasant situations in life is the most effective way to move out of old pain behaviors. Gratitude is an emotion that sends out a frequency that attracts positive people and creates healthy situations.

 

Now, here is a shortcut that incorporates all of the above suggestions.

 

You can use this forgiveness process for every person and in every situation in your life. It is a derivation of an ancient Hawaiian healing process, H’oponopono, and is rooted in the intention of freeing one’s soul. You do not even need to be in the physical presence of someone whom you need to forgive. By merely focusing on the following thoughts, you are transmitting the energy of unconditional love.

 

A SIMPLE FORGIVENESS EXERCISE

 

1. I love myself and I forgive myself.

 

2. I take responsibility for the part that I have played in creating this situation.

 

3. Please forgive me for anything I have done to hurt you. (Imagine the person or people whom you need to forgive.)

 

4. Thank you for the lessons I have learned.

 

5. I love you! (This is  not about human passionate love – it is the unconditional, neutral love of spirit that honors the soul of every living being. This is the part of the forgiveness exercise that has the magical power to heal everyone and everything in ways that transcend human understanding.)

 

Remember, it does not matter if you do not feel these statements when you begin this process. What you are doing is setting intentions, and intentions precede feelings. As you consistently continue to send out these thoughts, you will begin to feel what you are saying because you are working in harmony with universal love.

 

Forgiveness is a habit. Like all habits, the more you practice it, the easier it becomes. Be kind to yourself and stick with it. Because forgiveness is unconditional love, it has the infinite potential to transform everyone and everything.

 

YOU have the power to heal yourself and others by making the choice to forgive.

 

Love and Light

 

Sandra

 

 

Click this link to order the downloadable audio meditation, “Free Yourself Through Forgiveness,” narrated by Sandra Brossman.

 

 

How Can We Forgive People Who Have Hurt Us Deeply? PART ONE

 

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Sometimes the words and actions of people who have hurt you may feel so vicious that the thought of forgiving them seems like an impossible human feat.  No matter how hard you try, you may feel that you cannot reconcile your feelings about them, nor understand how anyone could act in such unkind ways. It is only human to feel angered and upset when we are on the receiving end of someone’s cruel words and actions.  What is self-destructive is not that we have these feelings – it is that we hold onto them.  Most of us tend to hold the illusion that forgiveness is something that we are being asked to give to an undeserving person, so one of the best ways to prepare yourself to be a forgiving person is to see forgiveness in a more truthful light.

 

Forgiveness always begins with self.

 

 

Believe it or not, the person you most need to forgive for any situation in which you have been hurt is yourself – not because you are “wrong,” but because you have made choices which have not been aligned with your soul’s need for inner truth and self-respect. By forgiving yourself, it becomes easier to forgive others and to move out of the victimhood perception.  It’s all part of our spiritual growth.

 

 

Forgiving someone does not mean you are endorsing

anyone’s harmful behavior.

 

 

You may find it very liberating to realize that you do not need to feel warmly toward people who have hurt you, nor do you need to understand their actions, in order to forgive. You may even make a healthy decision that it is not in your best interest to be in the physical presence of people who have hurt you deeply.

 

The way people act is a reflection of how they feel about themselves,

NOT YOU!

 

When someone behaves in a harmful, manipulative way, it is very important to understand that they are projecting from THEIR reservoir of fears.  The way they are treating you is exactly the way they feel about themselves.  This is why self-love is so essential in that it forms the foundation for how we treat everyone around us.  When we focus on someone else’s negative behavior by responding the same way, we compound the problem by reinforcing their fears and our own.  We then step into the darkness of the other person’s world of fear, rather than bringing illumination to the situation.  Instead of inviting the other person to our space of peace, we hurt ourselves by stepping into their chaos.

 

 

We learn and grow from our relationships.

 

No matter how angry we may feel toward someone, there are no accidents; there is a reason for every single interaction we have with anyone, whether pleasant or not.  They are teaching us, and we are teaching them.  We can perceive even our most painful experiences as growth opportunities by asking ourselves, “What am I experiencing through this person that I need to learn?”  The things that irritate us about someone else are a reflection of something we need to see within ourselves in order to mature in our spirituality.  We may realize that this person is reminding us our need to develop more self-esteem or exposing our own need to be more patient and forgiving. It could also be that we recognize that what this person is doing that is causing us pain is the same thing we have to someone else in the past.  The important thing is that when we view our relationship issues in this way, we are learning from, rather than judging the other person.

 

 

When you withhold forgiveness, you are likely to repeat

negative relationship patterns.

 

 

When you withhold forgiveness and choose to ignore the messages that are coming to you in the form of relationships, the universe will continue to present you with people and circumstances based on the same theme until you become aware of what you need to know.  It is as though you are in a play and the same actor exits and comes back on stage again wearing a new outfit.  Once you accept the lessons you are learning through your relationships, you are likely to free yourself from living through the same painful emotional patterns over and over again.

 

When you forgive someone,
you no longer allow them to control your life.

 

If you are holding back on forgiving someone, chances are you are making them the center of your attention.  This means that you continue to re-experience the self-damaging emotions of pain, anger, and resentment every time you think of that person, which is probably most of the time.  Why give anyone that kind of power over your life?  Take back your power to live your life with all the potential that exists in present time.

 

Forgiveness is a form of neutral, unconditional love.

 

Forgiveness is not a warm, fuzzy emotion.  It is a neutral, compassionate emotion that acknowledges that we are all connected as one human family.  When you choose to forgive someone, you are acknowledging that every single person on earth, no matter who they are or how they conduct themselves, is part of humanity and, therefore, a part of who you are.  In other words, you stop focusing on the objectionable physical actions of others by looking at a soul level, beneath their negative behavior.

 

The bottom line is that forgiveness is something we do for OURSELVES!  It is the most effective way we can free ourselves from self-defeating old patterns from the past and step into the infinite potential that we can only discover in present time.  When we do this, we are blessing ourselves and everyone in our lives by placing a greater priority on love and inner peace than on revenge and self-righteousness.

 

In next week’s blog, Part 2, we will discuss a simple exercise that will empower you to make forgiveness a part of your daily life.

 

Love and Light

 

Sandra

 

 

Click this link to order the downloadable audio meditation, “Free Yourself Through Forgiveness,” narrated by Sandra Brossman.

 

 

How Do We Let Go of the Past?

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In order to heal our lives and move forward, we need to let go of the past.  How many times have we heard this statement?  Yet, most of us feel at least a little resistance at the thought of letting go of the past.  In truth, most people feel a great deal of reluctance to “let go of the past.”  

 

 

 

Why do we resist?

 

 

 

Many times we hold on to the past simply because we are afraid of change. We have an amazing propensity to hold onto the familiar–even if it is causing us harm.  How often have we clung to a destructive relationship, a job we have long outgrown, or even a consistently poor performing financial investment just because we are afraid of change?  Generally speaking our greatest fear is of the unknown.  Since the very nature of life is change, we are powerless to remain in the status quo.  Our choice is to be victimized by the changes that are naturally evolving all around us or to make conscious choices that coincide with the quality of life we want to be living in present time.

 

 

 

Isn’t it important to remember the past?

 

 

 

Of course it is.  Healing our lives does not require that we forget the past. But remembering is not the same thing as becoming entrapped in old patterns of behavior simply because we are afraid to make changes. Past experiences, both positive and negative, serve us well when we learn from them and use these lessons as a springboard from which to launch new thought patterns that promote our health and growth. 

 

 

 

What we need to let go of is our tendency to continue to focus on the painful memories of the past.  Since whatever we focus on is what we create, every time we give our attention to a painful situation from the past, we give our energy to repeating the same patterns of behavior.  For example, if you habitually focus on childhood abandonment, you are likely to find yourself in many relationships where you are abandoned.  Just as importantly, it is essential to realize that every time you focus your attention on painful memories of the past, you re-create the stressful mind and body responses that you associate with that memory, such as grief, depression, and heartache.  
 
 

How Do We Let Go of the Past?

 

 

 

Forgive Yourself – Free yourself from your bondage to the past by forgiving yourself for the many choices you made that you now perceive as “mistakes.”  Sure, in retrospect, you might have done things differently.  Remember, you have gotten wiser with every experience you have had, so back then you didn’t have the same basis of knowledge that you now have.  

 

 

Forgive The People Who Have Hurt You – Take back your power!  Every time you blame someone for painful experiences in the past you are allowing them to rule your thoughts!

 

(You may find the blog on “Forgiveness, The Greatest Gift We Give Ourselves,” April 23, 2013, to be very helpful.)

 

 

Be Conscious of Your Thinking – Become aware of when your thoughts are focused on negative past events and situations.  Simply acknowledging where you are giving your attention empowers you to return your thoughts to present time.

 

 

Express gratitude for the lessons learned – Focus on how you have learned and grown with every experience you have had.

 

 

Choose to be in present time – Savor every moment of your life journey.  Since the past is over and the future is not yet here, the only time that is “real” is NOW.   

 

 

 

Where you are in life right now is the result of your thoughts from the past.  Being fully present empowers you to make new choices that can change your reality.  In fact, whatever you are thinking in this moment is creating your future!

 

 

 

Love and Light,

 

 

 

Sandra

 

 

 

You can access more insights to letting go of the past by ordering the book, The Power of Oneness, Live The Life You Choose™.

 

 

 

Do you have any experiences you would like to share that have prepared you to live in present time?  As always, I welcome your thoughts.

 

 

How To Remain Balanced While Helping Others

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One of the most sensitive balancing acts we experience in our spiritual growth process is that of helping others in a way that supports them without decreasing our own energy.  There is so much suffering in the world, and most of us truly want to reach out and alleviate some of the pain–especially when we see it within our family members and friends.  However, unless we help others in a mindful way, we are likely to deplete ourselves by draining our own personal energy, rather than being a conduit for channeling the limitless energy of spirit through us and to those whom we are helping.

 

 

Odd as it may seem, we can best help others by first helping ourselves.  We do this by honoring our own needs for spiritual nourishment.  If we try to help someone without being in a position of emotional strength ourselves, we can quickly become drawn into someone else’s drama.  When this happens, not only can we not help anyone, we are actually adding to the collective pain of the world by taking on the negative issues of others.

 

 

When people share with me their pain and aggravation over complicated emotional issues in their lives, I frequently ask them, “What part of this belongs to you?”  While this may seem like a surprising question, it is astonishing how often we waste our energy by getting emotionally entangled in other people’s emotional dramas, rather than being a support system.  Of course, we are greatly impacted by the pain of people whom we care about, and we always have our own lessons to learn or we wouldn’t be involved at all.  But we need to remember that we support others by reinforcing them with our strength–not by imposing our judgment on them or participating in their anger and pain.

 

 

Trying to save someone by getting involved in their emotional issues is like trying to rescue a friend who has slipped onto the edge of a cliff by going out onto the edge with them.  When we do this, not only have we not helped our friend, we have actually added to the problem in that both of us are now in a precarious space and in need of assistance.  Of course, we want to help others, but helping others does not mean self-sacrifice.  There are other, much more effective ways by which you can support others without draining your own energy.

 

 

The following are some guidelines for remaining balanced while helping others:

 

 

1.  Regenerate Yourself – It is crucial that you remain balanced and centered by accessing the flow of spiritual energy that is always available to you at all times.  You can do this by consistently engaging in any practices that you find to be regenerating, such as:  prayer, meditation, yoga, walking in nature, spending time with positive people, playing with children and your animal friends.

 

 

2.  Ask Your Friend/Family Member If They Want Your Help – So many times we waste our time and energy trying to change someone’s situation because it is something WE want for them, not something they want for themselves.  It is pretty tough to assist someone’s recovery if they are resisting us while we are doing it.  You may find that the person to whom you are offering assistance is not ready to receive your help.  The time may not be correct or perhaps the person is simply not willing to embrace the lesson(s) at hand.  How and when we each learn our life lessons is a personal choice.

 

 

3.  Honor The Lessons of Others –  We each create our own reality.  It is important to remember that, at some level, our friend/family member created the situation with which they are struggling and that they need to learn from the painful issues they are experiencing.  We each have to discover our own personal lessons that come through in the form of life’s challenges.  When we try to short-circuit this process for someone else, we are robbing them of an opportunity to learn something they need to know for their own spiritual growth.

 

 

4.  Stay Out of the Drama –  Learn to be an unconditional observer of someone else’s drama, rather than getting emotionally trapped by your own fears.  Staying neutral and non-judgmental allows you to see the situation from a much higher perspective, which places you in a position of strength to offer guidance, compassion, and clear insights, and constructive choices.

 

 

5.  Offer Tools That Empower Others – The most constructive way to help someone else is not to do for them, but to empower them to do for themselves.  You can offer choices that will inspire your friend to help themselves, such as:  doing research on doctors or healers who could be of support, suggesting specific books, being a non-judgmental listener (you don’t have to provide the answers), providing ongoing encouragement of their healing.

 

 

Most importantly, we need to remember that the most powerful support we can give to anyone is by the way we model our own choices and behaviors.  The healing of others is not done by us but through us.  When we tap into our universal spiritual source, we receive all the energy, love, guidance, and strength we need to help others.  In fact, helping people in this way is actually energizing–not just for them, but for ourselves as well.

 

 

Do you have any suggestions or questions regarding how you have coped with helping others?

 

 

Love and Light,

 

Sandra

What is the Difference Between Conditional Love and Unconditional Love?

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Love – This is a word that is very frequently used in every language to describe our emotions ranging from something as relatively trite, such as, “I love your shoes,” to something as deeply significant as a mother saying, “I love you” to a child in the most vulnerable moment.

 

 

Is there really a difference between conditional love and unconditional love? 

 

 

The answer is, yes.

 

 

What is conditional love?

 

 

Conditional love is a polarized emotion, meaning that it has an opposite emotion.  The opposite extreme of love is hatred.  Conditional love comes from ego and  generally focuses on someone (like a romantic partner, child, parent, friend)  or some thing (like a house, a car, or a job).  When we love someone conditionally, we tend to want them to look, act, and think in ways that fit our own paradigms and expectations.  We hold others accountable to our expectations in order to qualify for our affection.  If they act the way we want them to, we express our approval; if they act contrary to our wishes, we withhold our expression of acceptance of them, usually in some form of anger.  Conditional love polarizes our internal thought process to believe, “I am right, and you are wrong, so I think you should see things my way.”  As soon as begin to judge someone as being right or wrong, it is our cue that we are not in a space of unconditional love because we are perceiving that we are the authority for someone else’s life.  This ultimately results in a power play for everyone involved because it focuses on control, which typically elicits a defensive reaction from the people whom we are trying to change.

 

 

Another version of conditional love is passion, a term we use for the sexual feelings we have when we meet someone with whom we have “chemistry.”  The term “falling in love” is a revealing expression indicating that we sometimes lose ourselves when we are involved in a passionate romantic relationship based on conditional love. Possibly, this is because we are looking for another person to complete us rather than looking to share our whole self with another. “Looking for our other half” is a statement that strongly indicates we are seeking to make ourselves whole through someone else, rather than working on ourselves to become more of who we truly are.

 

 

When someone acts in a way that vastly deviates from our expectations or does something to hurt us or someone we care about, we can transform the emotion of conditional love to the complete opposite end of the spectrum – hatred.  Hatred is a very strong emotion that is rooted in fear.  Hatred is extremely destructive and wreaks havoc on our mental, emotional, and physical well being.

 

 

What is Unconditional Love?

 

 

Unconditional love is neutral and has no opposite polarity.  The source of unconditional love is Spirit; therefore it is available to everyone without discernment, and there is absolutely nothing we need to do to qualify for it.  Unconditional love comes through to us at a soul level, beginning at the level of self-acceptance and self-forgiveness, and radiates divine light to everyone and everything.  When we make a conscious decision to choose thoughts based on unconditional love, it does not mean that we agree with everyone and everything.  It means that we consciously commit ourselves to expressing respect, kindness, and cooperation to everyone and everything in our environment.

 

 

Unconditional love is not something that happens to us or outside of us.  It is the life force of energy within our very being and is ingrained in every cell of our bodies.  We don’t have to search for love–we ARE, each one of us, the physical embodiment of unconditional love.  Because unconditional love is life energy, it is formless, infinite, constantly in motion, and unconditionally available to us 24/7!

 

 

Unconditional love has a positive effect on our physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual state of being, creating truth, joy, beauty, health, harmony, and everything in the world that is in our greatest good.  The benevolent, compassionate nature of universal love flows through us and blesses everyone and everything it touches.

 

 

When we open our hearts to receiving and expressing the love of the universe, we feel expansive and radiant.  We automatically rise above the limitations of fear because unconditional love is infinitely more powerful than fear; in fact, unconditional love is the most powerful force in existence.  There is no amount of darkness that can blot out light; yet the tiniest amount of light can overcome darkness. This means that no matter how dark and chaotic our lives may seem at times, we can find comfort in knowing that our earthly world is always held within an infinitely larger context of universal love and light.

 

 

Remembering that we are each created in the energy of divine love gives us great inspiration and renewed hope that we each have the power to bring our own unique expression of unconditional love to the world, which brings healing to everyone and everything we touch.

 

 

Love and Light,

 

Sandra