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Having the Strength to Be Vulnerable

Posted on August 13, 2013 by Sandra Brossman

An image of a puppy and a cat happily sitting together

Vulnerability is a word that tends to have a very negative connotation in our society. The associations that come to mind when we think of vulnerability are: susceptible to being wounded or hurt; being open to attack and criticism. Vulnerability is one of those words that society (and the dictionary) has labeled as a “negative emotion” and one to avoid at all costs.

As a result of these perceptions, the automatic response that most of us have to the mere thought of being vulnerable is to shield ourselves from any potential attack on our energy by putting up an emotional wall around ourselves. We may even think that if we can protect ourselves from being hurt by someone else’s thoughts, words, and actions, eventually we won’t feel any pain.

This seemingly self-protective strategy ultimately backfires because when we become numb to pain, we also become numb to experiencing the flow of joy and love in our lives. Putting emotional armor around ourselves actually creates a disconnect between the head and the heart. Every human being is vulnerable because we all want and need to be loved and accepted. If we deny our own vulnerability, how can we possibly have empathy and compassion for other human beings? Empathy and compassion are not experienced in our heads; rather, these self-empowering emotions can only be fully experienced through the heart.

When you try to avoid being vulnerable,

you are judging yourself for not being perfect.

When you judge yourself, you feel afraid that others will judge you as well. In an effort to “protect” yourself from having your perceived weaknesses being seen by others, you then have to hide all the parts of yourself that you don’t like by stuffing these fearful emotions somewhere into your mind and body. Ironically, in this futile attempt to “protect” yourself from others, you actually hurt yourself. By not bringing these hidden fears into the light of awareness, eventually your repressed feelings will surely erupt into mental, emotional, and physical pain and suffering.

Everyone has a “shadow side,” which is simply the love that is

trapped inside of us that we are afraid to express.

When we choose to express our complete, authentic self, we bring our “shadow side” to the conscious light of awareness, thereby creating the space to heal all the parts of ourselves. The following are some healthy ways in which we can allow ourselves to express our vulnerability:

1. Lighten up with humor – We tend to take ourselves so seriously. There are times when it is entirely appropriate to laugh at our own “mistakes.”

2. Admit when you don’t understand something – Many times we repeat the same unproductive patterns because we are afraid we will be judged as “stupid” if we ask more questions.

3. Express your honest feelings in a kind, respectful way – This applies equally to situations where you think that what you have to say is not going to be popular.

4. Tell the truth – even if it is something so small that no one would know the difference. Complete honesty creates self-respect and encourages others to do the same.

5. Ask for help when you feel you can’t handle the work load – We don’t need to sacrifice our health and well being to prove to the world that we are capable or indestructible.

6. Take responsibility for your thoughts, words, and actions – When you feel you have hurt someone, face up to it by offering an apology. You will feel better, and so will the other person.

Vulnerability does not mean rolling over and allowing yourself to be kicked around. Expressing your vulnerability is actually an amazing strength that involves standing up for yourself by completely accepting all the parts of who you are – the beautiful and the unattractive parts, the strong and the weak aspects, as well as the successes and the failures that you have experienced.

If we do not judge ourselves harshly, then it follows that we will not be critical of others. When we accept our Whole Self – warts and all – we open the path for genuine communication in all of our relationships because it sends the signal to others that it is OK for them to be imperfect as well. It is an acknowledgment of the truth that we accept something we humans all have in common – we are each here on earth to learn and to grow.

When we are willing to be vulnerable, we are giving ourselves permission to be seen in our entirety. Through this complete acceptance of self, we begin to comprehend the true meaning of unconditional love – for ourselves and others.

Unconditional love is, indeed, the ultimate in self-protection.

Love and Light,

Sandra

10 Steps for Living a Sacred Life

Posted on June 18, 2013 by Sandra Brossman

This is the image of the word love written three times with colorful finger-paints

©Yanush/shutterstock

Our true life purpose is to live a sacred life by consistently expressing our spiritual values in all that we think, say, and do.

10 Steps for Living a Sacred Life

1. Honor the divinity within yourself, everyone, and everything.

Everyone and everything was created in divine love. Accordingly, align your thoughts, words, and deeds with kindness, respect, and cooperation.

2. Accept people as they are without trying to change them to conform to your expectations.

The only way we can change others is through our own positive example.

3. Forgive yourself and others.

Be compassionate toward yourself and others – It takes a great deal of courage for any one of us to be here.

4. Recognize that we all have the same spiritual purpose – to receive and express unconditional love.

You will remember this in your own unique way and in your own time. So will everyone else.

5. Understand that it is not in your greatest good to judge or criticize anyone.

Whatever you criticize about someone else is an aspect, to a greater or lesser degree, that you need to heal within yourself.

6. See life as a process of growth.

There are no failures. Every situation you experience and every person you meet is an opportunity for growth and greater insight to universal truth and love.

7. Develop an attitude of gratitude.

Being thankful for everything and everyone is the most effective way to create peace and prosperity in your life.

8. Remember we are all a part of the whole of existence.

What affects one of us affects all of us. Take responsibility for the fact that your thoughts, words, and actions, and even your underlying motivations, are constantly impacting the entire world.

9. Respect everything in the environment.

The way we take care of the earth is the way it takes care of us.

10. Forgive yourself whenever you forget any of the above.

Excerpt from “The Power of Oneness, Live The Life You Choose”

What We See in Others is a Reflection of Ourselves

Posted on May 28, 2013 by Sandra Brossman

Cute image of an orange tabby kitten with a reflection of him in water

You may have heard it before, but it is such a strong statement: “We can only see things within others that we see within ourselves.” I think this is one of the most challenging spiritual lessons we are here to learn. When I first read this statement in a spiritual book many years ago, it seemed very odd to me. Like most people, my first response was, “Surely, I do not act like a lot of people who annoy me and push my buttons.” Interestingly, I find that when I facilitate spiritual classes, this statement typically elicits the same response from most others.

Everyone you meet is your mirror. Why is that?

We come to understand ourselves best through our relationships with other people. We can only be triggered by something we have experienced ourselves. The traits we tend to dislike in others are usually the traits we do not like about ourselves. We then tend to judge and criticize these characteristics. This calls to mind the analogy of pointing a blaming finger at someone. One finger is pointing at another person, and three are pointing back to ourselves.

When certain characteristics in someone’s personality trigger a negative reaction from you, there is something within you that is coming up because it is ready to be healed. Usually, it represents issues from your past that have gone unresolved. An example of this would be constantly attracting people who betray you in close relationships because you have not dealt with a parental abandonment issue from your past. What you are seeing is a manifestation of your belief that you cannot trust anyone with your feelings. Here is another example: You are someone who has a constant need to prove to others that you are “right.” Chances are you will attract people who strongly disagree with you because they also have the need to convince others to see life from their perspective. Also, if you dislike controlling people, most likely you dislike some bossy tendencies within yourself.

Every person we meet in life is showing up at the perfect time in our lives to reflect something we need to heal within ourselves. The people with whom you interact are showing you who you are and ultimately providing you with an opportunity to love yourself. Since our mission is to discover what we don’t love and learn to love it, the people who get on our nerves the most are among our greatest teachers.

When you find yourself triggered by a person or situation, ask yourself the following questions:

“What is this person teaching me that I need to learn to become more whole?”

“Do I behave like this now?”

“Did I behave like this in the past?”

Believe it or not, forgiving YOURSELF is the most effective way to disengage from negative interactions with people. We can only love and accept others to the degree that we love and accept ourselves. When you make it a habit to learn from your relationships, eventually you will discover that you can observe negative traits within others without judgment and without getting hooked into someone else’s drama. If you discover that you are in a relationship with someone who habitually abuses you in some way, it is sometimes healthy to limit your exposure to that person or to avoid their company completely. This serves you well only after you have embraced the lessons that you have seen reflected to you through the relationship, followed by choosing to forgive yourself and the other person.

The good news is that the desirable behaviors we see in others is also a reflection of ourselves. When we predominantly choose thoughts of love, we live in a reality of love. In other words, as we focus on our light within, we bring out the light within others.

We came to this earth to return to the remembrance that we are ONE. Everyone we meet has come into our path to help us to remember this.

Do you find it challenging to believe that what you see in others is a reflection of you? I welcome your thoughts.

Love and Light,

Sandra

Mother’s Day – A Perfect Day for Healing

Posted on May 8, 2013 by Sandra Brossman

This is an image of a mother holding her child above her head at sunset

Mother’s Day is just around the corner. Mother’s Day, a holiday proclaimed by President Woodrow Wilson in 1914, is a day of celebration in which we honor mothers, motherhood, and maternal bonds. The power and influence of mothers and maternal figures in our personal lives and in our society is beyond measure. Mothers and grandmothers are the core strength of the home, the creators of life, the nurturers of children, our first teachers, our female role models, and our indispensable companions. Most importantly, when we think of a mother’s love, we frequently think of the unconditional boundless love that is the closest human expression of divine love.

Mother’s Day, like all holidays, elicits different feelings for each one of us. Whether we think our mothers did a “good” job or a “bad” job of raising us, the truth is that our mothers played an enormous role in helping us to form our system of values, sense of self, foundation of security, and, in general, the initial foundation for all of our perceptions in life.

Some of us were fortunate to be raised by mothers or mother figures who were confident, strong, and a model of unconditional love. If this is the case, the mere mention of the word “mother” conjures up feelings of warmth, nurturing and safety. If you are one of these people, Mother’s Day is a joyful day where you are inspired to cherish and appreciate your mother and buying a card, giving a hug, and saying “I love you” feels completely natural.

If your mother has passed on, this may be an especially sad time of year as you recognize that losing a mom creates a void that no one else can fill in your life. Who could ever understand you, unconditionally accept you, and always love you the way your mother did?

And then there are others who have had a vastly different experience. There are many people who attribute the root cause of most of their pain and problems to their mothers. In working with clients over many years in my spiritual healing practice, I discovered that blaming our mothers for our shortcomings is the deepest underlying issue for almost every major healing issue: mental, emotional, and physical. In fact, I observed that our mothers have so much influence in our lives that when a mother would heal a painful issue, the child (whether young, middle age, or old) was automatically positively affected; and, conversely, when the child (of any age) would heal, the mother would also be positively affected.

From a spiritual perspective, the soul of a child chooses his or her mother, and the mother chooses the child. Because our life journey is all about becoming whole, we choose parents from whom we learn what we most need to know – we fulfill these lessons in both positive and negative ways. If, for example, our mothers did not praise us very much, it could be that our souls needed to remember that we get our genuine validation from within ourselves – not from external sources. On the other side of the coin, mothers learn just as much from their children. For example, a child with learning differences may be teaching a mother all about patience and acceptance.

The single most important factor that affects our relationships with our mothers is our own attitude. As children, we typically had great expectations of all the qualities we wanted our mothers to have — we wanted her to be our Rock of Gibraltar, the model of an ideal woman, have the patience of Job, and express the love of an angel. As we mature, we need to accept that our mothers are human and that they have had to deal with issues that were passed on to them by their parents. I truly believe that most mothers love to the best of their capacity and want the very best for their children. I also think most mothers would agree that motherhood is simultaneously the both most difficult and rewarding job in all the world.

Unconditionally accepting our mothers for who they are (or were) is our greatest lesson in compassion and forgiveness. Since we are inextricably connected with our mothers, forgiving them for their shortcomings and for falling short of our expectations is the same thing as forgiving ourselves for carrying forward any unhealthy patterns which need to be healed. And when you think about it, who better than our mothers to teach us this magnificent lesson.

Happy Mother’s Day!

Love and Light,

Sandra