The Healing Power of Human Touch

 

This is an image of two toddlers hugging each other.

© Nina Buday/shutterstock.com

 

We live in an age where technology can connect us with almost anyone anywhere, all in a matter of seconds, through texting, email, Facebook, Twitter, and Skype. Through social media, we now have the capacity to almost instantly message out updates of our lives, pictures of family and friends, opinions about people, political viewpoints, birth notices, death notices, jokes, and even pictures of what we have had for dessert. Technically speaking, we have never been more connected. . . . . or NOT!

 

Paradoxically, in the midst of all this instantaneous communication, enormous numbers of people are feeling desperately lonely. So what is missing? Perhaps we have become so preoccupied with living in our heads, that we are becoming disconnected from our body-mind connection. Indeed, in many ways, we are becoming a human-touch-deprived society.

 

Human touch is as vital to our health and happiness as food or water. From the time we are born to the time of our death, we crave human touch. Touch is a means of communication that is so critical that research shows that infants deprived of direct human contact grow slowly and even die.

 

Even as we grow into adulthood, scientific studies have proven that touching someone in a caring nurturing way has the capacity to help the body in many ways, such as:

 

• Decrease stress and anxiety
• Strengthen your immune system
• Lower blood pressure
• Increase endorphin levels (your feel-good hormones)
• Help you to sleep better

 

Beyond the obvious positive effects on our body, human touch also creates the ability to restore our minds and bodies with our spiritual connection. When we physically touch someone in a kind, loving way we are doing something which technology cannot do – we are communicating our feelings of love and acceptance at a level that is far deeper than words. Gently rubbing someone’s back, giving a hug, holding someone’s hand, and even a pat on the back can go a long way in nourishing that person’s soul, as well as your own; for when you touch another person in a kind way, you are blessed in return. Touch transmits love, and love has the power to heal everyone and everything.

 

The next time you feel lonely or in need of physical and emotional reassurance, find a person or an animal you care about and give them a hug! The power to heal another is literally at our fingertips!

 

Love and Light

 

Sandra

 

 

Sandra Brossman is the author of The Power of Oneness, Live the Life You Choose and the featured presenter in Live the Life You Choose DVD.  To learn more about how you can align your life with spiritual truth, order the book or DVD box set at  http://www.thepowerofoneness.com/products/

 

How Can We Overcome Loneliness?

This is a black and white photograph of a little boy alone on a swing in the park

© vladm/shutterstock

If you are struggling with loneliness, you are not alone.

Every person experiences feelings of isolation from time to time.

 

 

Being alone and being lonely are not the same thing.  It is very healthy for each of us to create some “alone time” every day, away from the external commotion and daily demands of family and work.  Alone time, in this sense, feels good because we are honoring our need to nurture and regenerate ourselves through our mind/body connection with Spirit and to feel the peace that lies within the silence.

 

 

Feeling lonely, on the other hand, generally does not feel pleasant.  It is accompanied by a sense of sadness and disconnection from other people and life in general.  Being around a lot of people is not necessarily an antidote to loneliness.  In fact, loneliness can feel even more intense when we are in a crowd of people or in an unhappy personal relationship.  Ironically, even in our present world of technology  where millions of people can connect 24/7 via email, Facebook, and Twitter, we can still find ourselves feeling intensely lonely.  How can this be?

 

In order to understand why we are lonely, it is important

to become aware of what is causing it. 

 

 

Sometimes people choose to be loners because of childhood developmental factors:

 

    • If one has been abandoned by one or both parents, there is a strong tendency to be reluctant to commit to intimate relationships.

 

    • Being raised by critical or unaffectionate parents may cause a person to be emotionally withdrawn.

 

    • If one has been raised in a family environment of substance abuse, there is a likely tendency to become distrustful of others.

 

Even without these factors, some people feel innately disconnected and simply never learn to communicate well or have a low self-esteem and avoid socializing for fear of being rejected.

 

There are also many situational factors in life that can cause us to feel alone:

 

    • It could be that you are experiencing the deep, irreplaceable loss that comes with the death of a loved one.

 

    • Suffering from a disability or long-term disease can cause one to feel that no one else could possibly understand how much courage and endurance  it takes to just survive on a daily basis.

 

    • You may be experiencing the huge void that frequently comes with divorce, or you may be feeling alone in your exhaustive, seemingly never-ending search to find the ideal partner.

 

    • It can also feel very isolating to change jobs or to relocate to a new area, perhaps causing you to leave family and familiar friends and co-workers.

 

    • A financial set-back may leave you feeling that you are alone in a world with fewer choices than you once had.  Maybe some social setbacks have caused you to believe that no one else would be interested in your company.

 

Understanding the many factors that cause loneliness helps us to understand why all of us, at one time or another, feel like we are all by ourselves in a sea of humanity.  While any one and all of these situations and conditions are compelling reasons for feeling lonely, they are merely symptomatic of a much deeper loneliness that is being felt at a soul level by humanity at large.  We are longing, at a core level, to connect with something infinitely larger than ourselves and return to the Oneness of Spirit.

 

 The only way we can ultimately fill the void within our hearts

is through the energy of unconditional love.

 

 

So how can we heal our loneliness?

 

Pray and Meditate – Commit yourself to create at least 20 minutes of silence every day to pray and meditate.  This is essential in order to remember that, no matter what you are experiencing, you are unconditionally connected with Universal Love.       

 

Be compassionate and kind to yourself –  Let go of the self-judgment and allow yourself to just BE.  Every person on earth has “their story” of the infinite ways in which they are being challenged.  Life is not a pass/fail contest – it’s all about becoming whole.

 

Change what you can change – Be your own best friend and ask yourself what you most need to feel less lonely.  Would it help you to schedule more social time with friends?  Join a special interest organization?  Attend church?  Join a spiritual community?  Go to the health club?  Volunteer with a local charity?  Spend more time in nature?  Get an animal companion?  Whatever it is, be conscious of ways that you can best help yourself to enjoy life more and then act on it.

 

Accept what you cannot change –   While it is true that we don’t get to pick all the circumstances that challenge us in life, we can always choose the attitude with which we experience this spiritual journey.  Cultivating an attitude of focusing on the lesson rather than the problem will help you to maintain a positive attitude that will attract other people who have optimistic outlooks.

 

 

Most importantly, remember that you are NEVER ALONE.  We are all brothers and sisters walking this earth together, and we all have the same mission – to integrate our minds and bodies with the love of Spirit. Each of us is doing the best we know to do for now – in our own time – and in our own way.

 

 

Love and Light,

 

Sandra

 

Is Anyone Listening to Me? How to Hold a Loving Space for Communication

© Pagina/shutterstock

 

 

It seems that everywhere we turn, most people are

 

talking and very few are actually listening.

 

 

 

A few days ago a dear friend called me to say, “Hello.” Shortly into the conversation, I sensed a twinge of pain in the tone of her voice. When I asked her if everything was okay, she opened up and expressed that she was feeling a lot of frustration from speaking to her sister on the phone the previous day. My friend explained that she had called her sister to discuss an emotionally challenging situation. “My sister just talked over me and never heard a word I said,” lamented my friend. “What hurts most is that I just wanted to talk through my situation with someone who loves me and who could acknowledge my feelings.”

 

 

Does this sound familiar?

 

 

It is understandable that most people are not clear enough to listen because the majority of us are walking around with unexpressed feelings. Coping with the ordinary and extraordinary challenges of life can tap us out emotionally, mentally, and physically. Since it is not socially acceptable to cry at work, hit someone with whom we are angry, or to scream in public, many times we just bury our feelings. The problem with this is that repressing our feelings can create a reservoir of pain that can eventually fuel an emotional outburst at an inappropriate time and place that is not even relevant to the original situation. Or, even worse, we can continue to keep our feelings locked inside, which many times results in some form of dis-ease.

 

 

What most of us are really craving is simply to be heard! 

 

 

I have come to the conclusion that listening is an art, and like most artistic expression, it needs to be developed and practiced in order to become good at it. Creating a non-judgmental, open space of communication that allows one person to talk while the other just listens is spiritually referred to as “holding the space.” In the world of psychological counseling, it is referred to as “reflective listening.”

 

Listening without judgment is an act of self-love.

 

Holding a non-judgmental space to listen to another person’s expression of feelings is not an act of selflessness.  In fact, it is an act of self-love that helps to free you from being attached to other people’s issues.  It is an exercise in letting go of our own ego, rising above the drama, and extending the utmost respect for others by acknowledging that we each have the inner wisdom to provide the answers to our own questions.  Since what we project is what we attract, chances are that when you practice being a good listener, someone will be there to hear you in your time of need.

 

 

The following are guidelines to assist you in holding the

 

space for another by being a good listener. 

 

 

1. Make an agreement between yourself and the speaker. Only one person talks at a time while the other simply listens. Give your complete, undivided attention to the person who is talking. If this is an in-person discussion, it is ideal to maintain eye contact.

 

 

2. Be fair to yourself. Agree that there will be no personal attacks – you are there to listen to feelings, not to be verbally abused.

 

 

3. Tap into an inner sense of stillness that enables you to be an observer of the conversation, rather than a participant in the drama.

 

 

4. Neutralize the space by choosing not to interpret anything that is being said as a personal attack. This is easy to do when you remember the truth that what people project onto others is a reflection of how they feel about themselves – not you.

 

 

5. Let go of all judgement. There is no need for you to “fix” anything. The person who is expressing their feelings is usually not seeking any answers from you. In fact, many times the person who is talking becomes aware of their own resolutions after they have had an opportunity to clear their emotions through expression.

 

 

6. When you have allowed a period of listening time that is fair for both you and the other person, bring the conversation to a gentle close by summarizing aloud your perceptions of the feelings that have been expressed to you. For example, you could say something like, “So I am hearing you say that you feel sad, frustrated, angry, etc.” This reinforces that we have, indeed, been listening.

 

 

7. Remain unattached to how things unfold. We all have our own lessons to learn in our own unique ways.

 

 

 

Holding space for another is a profound way to bring more love to the world because we are listening with our hearts. If we each had someone to listen to our feelings in an open space of no judgement, we would more easily experience personal peace. And if more of us were feeling peaceful, what a bright world this would be!

 

 

Do you have any suggestions or experiences you would like to share regarding holding space? We would love to hear from you!

 

 

Love and Light,

 

 

Sandra

The Aftereffects of Valentine’s Day

Why does everyone make such a big deal out of Valentine’s Day?

“Whew!” You tell yourself. I made it through another Valentine’s Day. What is this holiday all about anyway, and why does everyone have to make such a big deal out of it? With so many singles out there it is not like we need reminders of all those happy couples out there doing all that romantic stuff with each other! Or, you may be thinking that all this sappy stuff is silly now that you have been married for so long.

 

Why did I react the way I did this year?

It is kind of funny though, how you can catch yourself automatically criticizing something just to make yourself feel better. If you hate Valentine’s Day and what it stands for, does that mean you are either dissatisfied with your current relationship – feeling alone even though you are with someone? Or, have you had so much difficulty connecting with another person that you deride others for being able to make such connections? If you are having difficulty in your current relationship or if you have difficulty being in a relationship, you may want to ask yourself why you have such difficulty loving another.  Have you really taken the time to explore your relationship with YOU? My guess is that you have not.

 

This is an image of a broken heart with a bandaid

© Picsfive/shutterstock

 

How weird, right? You may be saying at this moment, “Yeah…let me stop everything and take time to  have a relationship with myself!” Well, actually, yes – please do!!! So many people have asked me, “Why am I alone?” or “Why do I feel so alone?” The answer can be found within – I promise you.

 

Have you really made yourself available to another person?

 

If you are single and would like to be with a significant other, ask what steps have you taken to get out there and meet people? Or, more importantly, ask yourself if you are in a good place to bring another into your life. Perhaps you have filled up your life so much with other stuff that there is no room for anything or anyone else.  It is amazing how energy works. Stuffing your life with so many things puts out there that you are too busy and that loving another isn’t a priority in your life. Providing the space to clear your head, your heart, and your life to be open to receive the love from another is an important first step.

 

Would you want to date you?

This is an image of a lonely, sad man

© nemke/shutterstock

 

Another important component is being healthy within before you look outside yourself for another to be in your life. In many cases we look for another to “complete” us when in all actuality you are already a beautiful, unique, complete being! Often we look to another to “fix” us.  The familiar words, “If only I had a man or woman in my life that…I would be happy,” somehow don’t end up working out quite like that. We might find a person who makes us happy initially, but that tends to fizzle out once we got our quick “fix.”

 

 Lonely but not alone?

This is an image of a sad and lonely persian cat

© Xiaojiao Wang/shutterstock

 

For those couples out there who may have had a less than romantic Valentine’s Day, ask what is it about your relationship where you no longer are honoring each other? It is so easy to take another for granted, especially after being together for a long time. But, ask yourself how would you feel if that person were no longer there? PAY ATTENTION to your body’s physical response to this question! Do you feel anxious, scared, sad, relieved?

 

 Have you lost yourself and your own personal power to your partner?

If you feel anxious or scared, is it because this person “takes care of you” and you wouldn’t know how to live on your own? If so, perhaps you may want to evaluate whether you or your partner has come to resent this dynamic. Have you lost yourself and your own personal power to your partner? Often these underlying issues can cause the chemistry that brought you together to come to a screeching halt!  Talk with your partner; find out where their head is. It could be that a 5 minute conversation could turn into an hour of pure pleasure that you thought wasn’t possible before!

 

 When was the last time you said, “I love you?”

 

If you feel sad, could it be that you deeply love and care for your partner and the thought of them not being in your life almost makes you feel ill? If so, and you feel disconnected from this person, what have you done lately to let them know how deeply you care for them? Perhaps this separation you feel comes from them thinking you don’t feel the same about them. Again, a 5 minute conversation could turn an old relationship into something new again. Don’t wait for him or her to say, “I love you.” Taking initiative in a relationship is important – and you might just shock your partner – in a good way!

 

 Do you need to get out?

 

If you feel relieved, it could be time for you to move on from an unhealthy or unfulfilling relationship. This also goes back to making space in your life to receive love. Staying in a relationship that no longer fulfills you isn’t good for the partner you are with either. If you can no longer give love to this person, it is in their best interest for you to move on as well. Once you are on your own and have healed from this relationship, really get to know yourself and get on stable footing before seeking another partner. Otherwise, you may tend to repeat the same dynamic you had before. Make sure to reflect on the lesson(s) you needed to learn from the relationship you had been in – this is crucial for your emotional growth so that you bring a healthy, stable, and empowered YOU into a new relationship!

 

 It’s all an illusion! 

 

Remember that, loneliness, after all, is just a perception. You are never truly alone. You are always surrounded by the unconditional love of the universe. Remembering this will fill your heart and allow you the space to reflect on the love you have for YOU and that special person in your life…or that special person who may be about to enter your life!

 

Love and Light,

 

Sandra

5 Steps to Conquer the Holiday Blues

Thanksgiving has just passed and that day marks the beginning of a period of time that many refer to as The Holiday Blues.

 

Whether it makes you self-conscious of being single, reminds you of lost loved ones, or brings up sub-conscious feelings of abandonment from the past, this can be a difficult time of the year for everyone.

 

This is a lonely tree.

Shutterstock, © Dudarev Mikhail

How can you bring more joy into the holiday season while still acknowledging feelings of loneliness? Here are a few simple tips to overcoming The Holiday Blues:

 

  1. Allow yourself to feel. Listen to yourself as you would a close friend, with no judgment. You can’t move past this phase until you truly acknowledge your current emotions. Remember, feelings require no explanation.
  2. Let go of your expectations. Many of us have a clear picture in our mind’s eye of our version of the “perfect” holiday. It involves an ideal family interaction, ornate tables filled with scrumptious food, a beautifully decorated home and a joyful exchange of amazing presents, and the money to support this picture to boot. In a world ripe with challenges, this is as unrealistic as it sounds. Permit yourself to release this type of expectation. We’ll replace it with a new vision soon.
  3. Think of one thing for which you are truly grateful. Sit quietly for five minutes and allow images of things that make you happy to flow through your mind. Seize one of those images and quietly express sincere gratitude for it. This will help to change your current perspective of loneliness.
  4. Do something kind for someone else. Be what you want to see. Kindness to another opens you up to receiving that positive energy in return. You may be surprised where it comes from!
  5. Set a powerful vision for a new holiday. A great place to start is The Vision of Oneness. You will notice that it opens you to limitless potential, unconditional love and unexpected blessings.

Feel free to connect with others by commenting on this post. You may be shocked at how many people are feeling the same way.

 

Love and Light,

Sandra