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The Ultimate New Year’s Gift: Self-Love

Posted on December 30, 2014 by Sandra Brossman

This is the image of a chalk board with the text, "I Love Me" written

New Year’s is the time of year for reflection and for making life changing decisions that bring about improvements in your life.

Many of us spend the first day of the year living in regrets for things not done and focusing on unfulfilled dreams. Dwelling on the past is likely to cause you to feel powerless and judgmental about yourself. More importantly, dwelling on mistakes of the past deprives you of focusing on the golden opportunities of the present.

This year, vow to give yourself the ultimate gift – self-love. Self-love is not about narcissism, vanity, and ignoring the needs of others. Self-love is about being kind, respectful, and forgiving of yourself.

Where do you start? Grab a pen and tablet! Doing the following four very simple exercises will help you to start your New Year in a wonderful, healthy self-loving way:

Make a list of everything for which you are thankful. Gratitude opens the soul to acknowledging the many blessings you already have. This is not just the “big stuff,” like getting a promotion. It also includes the basics we take for granted, like having food, water, and a warm place to call home. We tend to forget how many people in the world do not even have the basics to survive in life.

Write down 10 of the biggest “mistakes” you think you have made over the past year. Take a deep breath, close your eyes, and one-by-one, forgive yourself. Honestly, it is as simple as saying, “I did the best I could with what I knew at the time – I forgive myself NOW.” This is perhaps the most healing thing we can ever do for ourselves because we free ourselves to move into present time, where all new possibilities exist!

Write down at least 10 major lessons you learned from the “10 biggest mistakes” (item 2) – Success is so much more than the absence of failure. It is about learning and growing from every experience we have – both “good” and “bad.”

Write down 10 things you choose to accomplish this year. Be sure to begin each statement with “I am (the ultimate words of creation), state it in the positive, and say it as though it already is accomplished, i.e. “I am increasingly treating myself with love and respect, and I am attracting people who love and respect me in all my relationships.”

It is never too late to bring in the change that you have always wanted to see around you. Let this New Year be the one that will see you being at the forefront of introducing new ideas and new concepts to make the world a better and safer place.

Happy, Healthy New Year!

Sandra

Sandra Brossman is the author of The Power of Oneness, Live the Life You Choose and the featured presenter in Live the Life You Choose DVD. To learn more about how you can align your life with spiritual truth, order the book or DVD box set at http://www.thepowerofoneness.com/products/.

PART TWO: A Simple Forgiveness Exercise

Posted on March 4, 2014 by Sandra Brossman

This is the image of a gold, glitter heart on a black background

In last week’s blog, we talked about the need to forgive everyone, including people who have hurt us deeply. In this message, we discuss a simple forgiveness process that can be practiced all the time and has the infinite potential to heal everyone and everything, beginning with you. Since the process that is described at the end of the blog is exquisitely simple, the following points are intended to help you to open your mind and heart to the blessings of forgiveness:

Honor Your Feelings. Express your anger and resentment by beginning with a catharsis. Trying to forgive someone without first venting your feelings of pain is like trying to seal a potential volcanic eruption with a band-aid. There is usually a great deal of energy that needs to be released before the wound can heal. Some constructive ways you can do this are to: Give yourself permission to cry or even scream (best done in the car or somewhere where no one else can hear you!), talk with someone who is a compassionate listener, write your feelings down on paper, or engage in physical exercise. It is easy to stay stuck in this stage of expressing your feelings, so be sure to commit yourself to moving on to the next step of taking responsibility.

Take responsibility for the part that you have played in creating the situation. This is probably the most self-empowering step in the process of forgiveness. Since our thoughts create our reality, it is important that you remember that you have played a role in the creation of every experience you have ever had. By taking responsibility for your part, you are no longer a victim. If you created it, you can also change it!

Let go the need to judge who is “right” and who is “wrong.” Chances are that each person involved is absolutely certain he or she is right. This is why there is a conflict in the first place! Continuing to think this way only perpetuates more pain and suffering and resolves nothing.

Forgive yourself. You can only do for another that which you can do for yourself. This is truly an act of self-love. You are not forgiving yourself for being “wrong.” You are forgiving yourself for making choices that were not aligned with your personal values and self-respect. You are also forgiving yourself for continuing to punish yourself by constantly re-living painful memories.

See the Other Person’s Point of View – Remember that forgiveness is a two-way street. We need to also ask for forgiveness for our own transgressions against others. It is much easier to remember who has hurt us; yet many times the best way to move away from the self-perception of being an innocent victim is to realize that we have also hurt other people.

Be thankful for every experience. Every person you meet and every situation you have experienced is teaching you to be more whole. Our greatest lessons many times come through our most painful times. Choosing to be thankful for what you have learned from both the pleasant and unpleasant situations in life is the most effective way to move out of old pain behaviors. Gratitude is an emotion that sends out a frequency that attracts positive people and creates healthy situations.

Now, here is a shortcut that incorporates all of the above suggestions.

You can use this forgiveness process for every person and in every situation in your life. It is a derivation of an ancient Hawaiian healing process, H’oponopono, and is rooted in the intention of freeing one’s soul. You do not even need to be in the physical presence of someone whom you need to forgive. By merely focusing on the following thoughts, you are transmitting the energy of unconditional love.

A SIMPLE FORGIVENESS EXERCISE

1. I love myself and I forgive myself.

2. I take responsibility for the part that I have played in creating this situation.

3. Please forgive me for anything I have done to hurt you. (Imagine the person or people whom you need to forgive.)

4. Thank you for the lessons I have learned.

5. I love you! (This is not about human passionate love – it is the unconditional, neutral love of spirit that honors the soul of every living being. This is the part of the forgiveness exercise that has the magical power to heal everyone and everything in ways that transcend human understanding.)

Remember, it does not matter if you do not feel these statements when you begin this process. What you are doing is setting intentions, and intentions precede feelings. As you consistently continue to send out these thoughts, you will begin to feel what you are saying because you are working in harmony with universal love.

Forgiveness is a habit. Like all habits, the more you practice it, the easier it becomes. Be kind to yourself and stick with it. Because forgiveness is unconditional love, it has the infinite potential to transform everyone and everything.

YOU have the power to heal yourself and others by making the choice to forgive.

Love and Light

Sandra

Click this link to order the downloadable audio meditation, “Free Yourself Through Forgiveness,” narrated by Sandra Brossman.

How Can We Forgive People Who Have Hurt Us Deeply? PART ONE

Posted on February 25, 2014 by Sandra Brossman

This is the image of a gold and sparkle outline of a heart on a black background

Sometimes the words and actions of people who have hurt you may feel so vicious that the thought of forgiving them seems like an impossible human feat. No matter how hard you try, you may feel that you cannot reconcile your feelings about them, nor understand how anyone could act in such unkind ways. It is only human to feel angered and upset when we are on the receiving end of someone’s cruel words and actions. What is self-destructive is not that we have these feelings – it is that we hold onto them. Most of us tend to hold the illusion that forgiveness is something that we are being asked to give to an undeserving person, so one of the best ways to prepare yourself to be a forgiving person is to see forgiveness in a more truthful light.

Forgiveness always begins with self.

Believe it or not, the person you most need to forgive for any situation in which you have been hurt is yourself – not because you are “wrong,” but because you have made choices which have not been aligned with your soul’s need for inner truth and self-respect. By forgiving yourself, it becomes easier to forgive others and to move out of the victimhood perception. It’s all part of our spiritual growth.

Forgiving someone does not mean you are endorsing

anyone’s harmful behavior.

You may find it very liberating to realize that you do not need to feel warmly toward people who have hurt you, nor do you need to understand their actions, in order to forgive. You may even make a healthy decision that it is not in your best interest to be in the physical presence of people who have hurt you deeply.

The way people act is a reflection of how they feel about themselves,

NOT YOU!

When someone behaves in a harmful, manipulative way, it is very important to understand that they are projecting from THEIR reservoir of fears. The way they are treating you is exactly the way they feel about themselves. This is why self-love is so essential in that it forms the foundation for how we treat everyone around us. When we focus on someone else’s negative behavior by responding the same way, we compound the problem by reinforcing their fears and our own. We then step into the darkness of the other person’s world of fear, rather than bringing illumination to the situation. Instead of inviting the other person to our space of peace, we hurt ourselves by stepping into their chaos.

We learn and grow from our relationships.

No matter how angry we may feel toward someone, there are no accidents; there is a reason for every single interaction we have with anyone, whether pleasant or not. They are teaching us, and we are teaching them. We can perceive even our most painful experiences as growth opportunities by asking ourselves, “What am I experiencing through this person that I need to learn?” The things that irritate us about someone else are a reflection of something we need to see within ourselves in order to mature in our spirituality. We may realize that this person is reminding us our need to develop more self-esteem or exposing our own need to be more patient and forgiving. It could also be that we recognize that what this person is doing that is causing us pain is the same thing we have to someone else in the past. The important thing is that when we view our relationship issues in this way, we are learning from, rather than judging the other person.

When you withhold forgiveness, you are likely to repeat

negative relationship patterns.

When you withhold forgiveness and choose to ignore the messages that are coming to you in the form of relationships, the universe will continue to present you with people and circumstances based on the same theme until you become aware of what you need to know. It is as though you are in a play and the same actor exits and comes back on stage again wearing a new outfit. Once you accept the lessons you are learning through your relationships, you are likely to free yourself from living through the same painful emotional patterns over and over again.

When you forgive someone,
you no longer allow them to control your life.

If you are holding back on forgiving someone, chances are you are making them the center of your attention. This means that you continue to re-experience the self-damaging emotions of pain, anger, and resentment every time you think of that person, which is probably most of the time. Why give anyone that kind of power over your life? Take back your power to live your life with all the potential that exists in present time.

Forgiveness is a form of neutral, unconditional love.

Forgiveness is not a warm, fuzzy emotion. It is a neutral, compassionate emotion that acknowledges that we are all connected as one human family. When you choose to forgive someone, you are acknowledging that every single person on earth, no matter who they are or how they conduct themselves, is part of humanity and, therefore, a part of who you are. In other words, you stop focusing on the objectionable physical actions of others by looking at a soul level, beneath their negative behavior.

The bottom line is that forgiveness is something we do for OURSELVES! It is the most effective way we can free ourselves from self-defeating old patterns from the past and step into the infinite potential that we can only discover in present time. When we do this, we are blessing ourselves and everyone in our lives by placing a greater priority on love and inner peace than on revenge and self-righteousness.

In next week’s blog, Part 2, we will discuss a simple exercise that will empower you to make forgiveness a part of your daily life.

Love and Light

Sandra

Click this link to order the downloadable audio meditation, “Free Yourself Through Forgiveness,” narrated by Sandra Brossman.

How Do We Let Go of the Past?

Posted on October 8, 2013 by Sandra Brossman

This is an image of the past, the future, and a person in front of the word NOW.

In order to heal our lives and move forward, we need to let go of the past. How many times have we heard this statement? Yet, most of us feel at least a little resistance at the thought of letting go of the past. In truth, most people feel a great deal of reluctance to “let go of the past.”

Why do we resist?

Many times we hold on to the past simply because we are afraid of change. We have an amazing propensity to hold onto the familiar–even if it is causing us harm. How often have we clung to a destructive relationship, a job we have long outgrown, or even a consistently poor performing financial investment just because we are afraid of change? Generally speaking our greatest fear is of the unknown. Since the very nature of life is change, we are powerless to remain in the status quo. Our choice is to be victimized by the changes that are naturally evolving all around us or to make conscious choices that coincide with the quality of life we want to be living in present time.

Isn’t it important to remember the past?

Of course it is. Healing our lives does not require that we forget the past. But remembering is not the same thing as becoming entrapped in old patterns of behavior simply because we are afraid to make changes. Past experiences, both positive and negative, serve us well when we learn from them and use these lessons as a springboard from which to launch new thought patterns that promote our health and growth.

What we need to let go of is our tendency to continue to focus on the painful memories of the past. Since whatever we focus on is what we create, every time we give our attention to a painful situation from the past, we give our energy to repeating the same patterns of behavior. For example, if you habitually focus on childhood abandonment, you are likely to find yourself in many relationships where you are abandoned. Just as importantly, it is essential to realize that every time you focus your attention on painful memories of the past, you re-create the stressful mind and body responses that you associate with that memory, such as grief, depression, and heartache.

How Do We Let Go of the Past?

Forgive Yourself – Free yourself from your bondage to the past by forgiving yourself for the many choices you made that you now perceive as “mistakes.” Sure, in retrospect, you might have done things differently. Remember, you have gotten wiser with every experience you have had, so back then you didn’t have the same basis of knowledge that you now have.

Forgive The People Who Have Hurt You – Take back your power! Every time you blame someone for painful experiences in the past you are allowing them to rule your thoughts!

(You may find the blog on “Forgiveness, The Greatest Gift We Give Ourselves,” April 23, 2013, to be very helpful.)

Be Conscious of Your Thinking – Become aware of when your thoughts are focused on negative past events and situations. Simply acknowledging where you are giving your attention empowers you to return your thoughts to present time.

Express gratitude for the lessons learned – Focus on how you have learned and grown with every experience you have had.

Choose to be in present time – Savor every moment of your life journey. Since the past is over and the future is not yet here, the only time that is “real” is NOW.

Where you are in life right now is the result of your thoughts from the past. Being fully present empowers you to make new choices that can change your reality. In fact, whatever you are thinking in this moment is creating your future!

Love and Light,

Sandra

You can access more insights to letting go of the past by ordering the book, The Power of Oneness, Live The Life You Choose™.

Do you have any experiences you would like to share that have prepared you to live in present time? As always, I welcome your thoughts.

You Are Worthy!

Posted on July 30, 2013 by Sandra Brossman

Sign with clouds behind that says, "Self-Worth

Do you constantly long for wonderful things in your life that just don’t seem to be happening? Perhaps you are hoping for more love in your relationships, greater financial abundance, a career you truly enjoy, and better health. You have worked hard, may have thought about the quality of life you desire in countless ways, imagined it, and prayed for it – and still, it just doesn’t seem to be manifesting into your reality!

So why aren’t your hopes and dreams for a better life coming true?

In your pure state of spirituality, there is a higher aspect of yourself that already knows you deserve to be loved, joyful, healthy, peaceful and living in abundance. This is the natural way of being your Essential Self, or often times referred to as your Higher Self, that is connected to spiritual truth. When your thoughts are in harmony with your truth, you remember that you DESERVE to receive all of these blessings.

There is also another aspect of yourself, which is the ego part of your mind, that dwells on thoughts of fear. All thought is creative, so whatever you are experiencing is a giant mirror reflecting your predominant thoughts. When you focus on fear, you create fearful circumstances. When you choose to focus on unconditional love, you create loving experiences. Since fear is the opposite of love, when you choose thoughts of fear, you are blocking the flow of blessings that naturally flow to you through the energy of unconditional love.

One major way in which we block the flow of blessings manifesting into our physical reality is through guilt and shame.

When we hold on to these self-defeating fearful emotions, we are basically sending out a conflicting message to the Universe: “Yes, I ask for all these blessings to come into my life; but no, I can’t accept them because I am not deserving.” By doing this, we are separating our Spiritual Self from our Physical Self and are standing in our own way of receiving, Not surprisingly, we don’t feel like we are in the flow of life.

If you are feeling guilty or shameful, you are most likely dwelling on the past and judging yourself for all the things you have said or done to hurt yourself and others. Perhaps the rationalization you are using for holding onto guilt and shame is that you feel the need to punish yourself for the many things you may have said or done in the past that you now perceive as “wrong.” The problem is that this type of self-flagellation does not heal anyone or anything. In truth, holding onto guilt and self-punishment is a form of ego that confirms victimhood. If not expressed and transformed, chances are that your feelings of guilt and shame will turn into long-term resentment, bitterness, and anger because you are not being kind to yourself.

Express your feelings

Feeling guilty and shameful at times is human and appropriate. This is why it is important to be honest with yourself about your feelings and express them in a constructive way. Talking with a non-judgmental friend or professional health practitioner, spending time with people you love, participating in physical activity, and being with nature are just a few ways to let out your emotions. Expressing your feelings of guilt and shame is healthy – on the other hand, making these feelings a permanent foundation for your beliefs about yourself is extremely damaging. It can become a constant excuse for denying yourself the quality of life you want to live.

Forgive Yourself

After you express your feelings, FORGIVE YOURSELF. Forgiving yourself does not mean that you just forget about everything. Forgiveness is a choice to stop living in the past and adjust your thoughts to focus in present time, where all possibilities exist. Forgiving yourself actually requires that you take full responsibility to choose healthier thoughts and actions. Since the past is already behind you, you now have a choice: you can drag along the pain and sorrow of your past experiences, or you can carry forward the lessons and growth that you have gained from dealing with the many challenges in your life. While this may seem like an oversimplification, this single decision will have a healing effect on your thoughts, your feelings, and your actions – in other words, it will change your whole reality!

Then make a commitment to yourself to be as honest and kind as you know to be to yourself and others from this point forward. This intention, based on forgiveness of self and others, requires an enormous amount of practice every day in every way. It is more than worth it because it harmonizes your thoughts with the frequency of Universal Love and will clear the way for you to receive the infinite blessings you DESERVE.

Love and Light,

Sandra

10 Steps for Living a Sacred Life

Posted on June 18, 2013 by Sandra Brossman

This is the image of the word love written three times with colorful finger-paints

©Yanush/shutterstock

Our true life purpose is to live a sacred life by consistently expressing our spiritual values in all that we think, say, and do.

10 Steps for Living a Sacred Life

1. Honor the divinity within yourself, everyone, and everything.

Everyone and everything was created in divine love. Accordingly, align your thoughts, words, and deeds with kindness, respect, and cooperation.

2. Accept people as they are without trying to change them to conform to your expectations.

The only way we can change others is through our own positive example.

3. Forgive yourself and others.

Be compassionate toward yourself and others – It takes a great deal of courage for any one of us to be here.

4. Recognize that we all have the same spiritual purpose – to receive and express unconditional love.

You will remember this in your own unique way and in your own time. So will everyone else.

5. Understand that it is not in your greatest good to judge or criticize anyone.

Whatever you criticize about someone else is an aspect, to a greater or lesser degree, that you need to heal within yourself.

6. See life as a process of growth.

There are no failures. Every situation you experience and every person you meet is an opportunity for growth and greater insight to universal truth and love.

7. Develop an attitude of gratitude.

Being thankful for everything and everyone is the most effective way to create peace and prosperity in your life.

8. Remember we are all a part of the whole of existence.

What affects one of us affects all of us. Take responsibility for the fact that your thoughts, words, and actions, and even your underlying motivations, are constantly impacting the entire world.

9. Respect everything in the environment.

The way we take care of the earth is the way it takes care of us.

10. Forgive yourself whenever you forget any of the above.

Excerpt from “The Power of Oneness, Live The Life You Choose”

What We See in Others is a Reflection of Ourselves

Posted on May 28, 2013 by Sandra Brossman

Cute image of an orange tabby kitten with a reflection of him in water

You may have heard it before, but it is such a strong statement: “We can only see things within others that we see within ourselves.” I think this is one of the most challenging spiritual lessons we are here to learn. When I first read this statement in a spiritual book many years ago, it seemed very odd to me. Like most people, my first response was, “Surely, I do not act like a lot of people who annoy me and push my buttons.” Interestingly, I find that when I facilitate spiritual classes, this statement typically elicits the same response from most others.

Everyone you meet is your mirror. Why is that?

We come to understand ourselves best through our relationships with other people. We can only be triggered by something we have experienced ourselves. The traits we tend to dislike in others are usually the traits we do not like about ourselves. We then tend to judge and criticize these characteristics. This calls to mind the analogy of pointing a blaming finger at someone. One finger is pointing at another person, and three are pointing back to ourselves.

When certain characteristics in someone’s personality trigger a negative reaction from you, there is something within you that is coming up because it is ready to be healed. Usually, it represents issues from your past that have gone unresolved. An example of this would be constantly attracting people who betray you in close relationships because you have not dealt with a parental abandonment issue from your past. What you are seeing is a manifestation of your belief that you cannot trust anyone with your feelings. Here is another example: You are someone who has a constant need to prove to others that you are “right.” Chances are you will attract people who strongly disagree with you because they also have the need to convince others to see life from their perspective. Also, if you dislike controlling people, most likely you dislike some bossy tendencies within yourself.

Every person we meet in life is showing up at the perfect time in our lives to reflect something we need to heal within ourselves. The people with whom you interact are showing you who you are and ultimately providing you with an opportunity to love yourself. Since our mission is to discover what we don’t love and learn to love it, the people who get on our nerves the most are among our greatest teachers.

When you find yourself triggered by a person or situation, ask yourself the following questions:

“What is this person teaching me that I need to learn to become more whole?”

“Do I behave like this now?”

“Did I behave like this in the past?”

Believe it or not, forgiving YOURSELF is the most effective way to disengage from negative interactions with people. We can only love and accept others to the degree that we love and accept ourselves. When you make it a habit to learn from your relationships, eventually you will discover that you can observe negative traits within others without judgment and without getting hooked into someone else’s drama. If you discover that you are in a relationship with someone who habitually abuses you in some way, it is sometimes healthy to limit your exposure to that person or to avoid their company completely. This serves you well only after you have embraced the lessons that you have seen reflected to you through the relationship, followed by choosing to forgive yourself and the other person.

The good news is that the desirable behaviors we see in others is also a reflection of ourselves. When we predominantly choose thoughts of love, we live in a reality of love. In other words, as we focus on our light within, we bring out the light within others.

We came to this earth to return to the remembrance that we are ONE. Everyone we meet has come into our path to help us to remember this.

Do you find it challenging to believe that what you see in others is a reflection of you? I welcome your thoughts.

Love and Light,

Sandra

Mother’s Day – A Perfect Day for Healing

Posted on May 8, 2013 by Sandra Brossman

This is an image of a mother holding her child above her head at sunset

Mother’s Day is just around the corner. Mother’s Day, a holiday proclaimed by President Woodrow Wilson in 1914, is a day of celebration in which we honor mothers, motherhood, and maternal bonds. The power and influence of mothers and maternal figures in our personal lives and in our society is beyond measure. Mothers and grandmothers are the core strength of the home, the creators of life, the nurturers of children, our first teachers, our female role models, and our indispensable companions. Most importantly, when we think of a mother’s love, we frequently think of the unconditional boundless love that is the closest human expression of divine love.

Mother’s Day, like all holidays, elicits different feelings for each one of us. Whether we think our mothers did a “good” job or a “bad” job of raising us, the truth is that our mothers played an enormous role in helping us to form our system of values, sense of self, foundation of security, and, in general, the initial foundation for all of our perceptions in life.

Some of us were fortunate to be raised by mothers or mother figures who were confident, strong, and a model of unconditional love. If this is the case, the mere mention of the word “mother” conjures up feelings of warmth, nurturing and safety. If you are one of these people, Mother’s Day is a joyful day where you are inspired to cherish and appreciate your mother and buying a card, giving a hug, and saying “I love you” feels completely natural.

If your mother has passed on, this may be an especially sad time of year as you recognize that losing a mom creates a void that no one else can fill in your life. Who could ever understand you, unconditionally accept you, and always love you the way your mother did?

And then there are others who have had a vastly different experience. There are many people who attribute the root cause of most of their pain and problems to their mothers. In working with clients over many years in my spiritual healing practice, I discovered that blaming our mothers for our shortcomings is the deepest underlying issue for almost every major healing issue: mental, emotional, and physical. In fact, I observed that our mothers have so much influence in our lives that when a mother would heal a painful issue, the child (whether young, middle age, or old) was automatically positively affected; and, conversely, when the child (of any age) would heal, the mother would also be positively affected.

From a spiritual perspective, the soul of a child chooses his or her mother, and the mother chooses the child. Because our life journey is all about becoming whole, we choose parents from whom we learn what we most need to know – we fulfill these lessons in both positive and negative ways. If, for example, our mothers did not praise us very much, it could be that our souls needed to remember that we get our genuine validation from within ourselves – not from external sources. On the other side of the coin, mothers learn just as much from their children. For example, a child with learning differences may be teaching a mother all about patience and acceptance.

The single most important factor that affects our relationships with our mothers is our own attitude. As children, we typically had great expectations of all the qualities we wanted our mothers to have — we wanted her to be our Rock of Gibraltar, the model of an ideal woman, have the patience of Job, and express the love of an angel. As we mature, we need to accept that our mothers are human and that they have had to deal with issues that were passed on to them by their parents. I truly believe that most mothers love to the best of their capacity and want the very best for their children. I also think most mothers would agree that motherhood is simultaneously the both most difficult and rewarding job in all the world.

Unconditionally accepting our mothers for who they are (or were) is our greatest lesson in compassion and forgiveness. Since we are inextricably connected with our mothers, forgiving them for their shortcomings and for falling short of our expectations is the same thing as forgiving ourselves for carrying forward any unhealthy patterns which need to be healed. And when you think about it, who better than our mothers to teach us this magnificent lesson.

Happy Mother’s Day!

Love and Light,

Sandra

Forgiveness – The Greatest Gift We Give To Ourselves

Posted on April 23, 2013 by Sandra Brossman

This is an image of multi-ethnic hands all coming together as one

I have often shared with others my belief that forgiveness is the greatest gift we can ever give to ourselves. This many times surprises people, because it is a commonly held perception that forgiveness is something we do for others – almost like a favor that we are doing for someone. Sometimes we perceive our forgiveness as a reward we will give someone if they apologize first or change their behavior to accommodate our expectations.

It is extremely important that we understand the actual meaning of the word forgiveness. When trying to accurately interpret a word, it is many times helpful to go back to the original definition as it appears in the dictionary. According to Webster’s New World Dictionary, the actual definition of forgiving is allowing room for error or weakness; and the definition of forgive is to give up resentment. When we remember that we are all fallible and that the only thing we have to lose by forgiving anyone is the self-destructive resentment and judgment we are carrying, we begin to see more clearly that the person who benefits most from the process of forgiveness is self.

Let’s discuss just a few of the many reasons that help us to understand why forgiveness is essential for our OWN health and overall well-being:

Forgiveness is rooted in Self-Love – Self-love is the fundamental principle of all healing and the root of all compassion for self and others. When we hold on to anger and resentment with people from the past, we hurt ourselves by continuing to experience the emotions that are associated with these painful experiences. This takes a heavy toll on our mental, emotional, and physical health. It is also important to remember that life is a two-way street. Either knowingly or unknowingly, we too have hurt others through our unkind words and actions. We can only give to others that which we give to ourselves—so developing the attitude of being compassionate and kind to ourselves is a very healthy way to develop the habit of forgiveness.

Forgiveness creates harmony – It frees us from the need to be “right,” which automatically makes someone else “wrong.” This attitude breeds constant conflict with others and within ourselves. Every person who is in a disagreement thinks he or she is “right,” or there would be no discord in the first place. By letting go of our need to be right, we are not admitting we are “wrong.” We are simply being wise and compassionate enough to realize that we do not know what someone else is experiencing, what they are feeling, or why they have responded to a situation in a way that does not match our expectations. Simply stated, we are not the authority for how someone else thinks and acts, so it does not serve us well to criticize others. By judging others, we plant the seeds to remain entangled in an unproductive drama that intensifies the struggle, rather than focusing on the resolution.

Forgiveness creates inner peace – A peaceful mind is a quiet mind. Paradoxically, I think most of us would admit that we have cluttered minds. Forgiveness promotes mental clarity by cleansing our minds of unhealthy, resentful thoughts from the past. This creates the mental space for more expansive perceptions based on our spiritual values. Our society is extremely focused on physical fitness and cleansing diets for our bodies; yet we ignore our mental fitness and the critical need we have to houseclean our minds of the toxic thoughts that we constantly recycle in our minds based on our anger and resentment toward others.

Forgiveness frees us to be in present time – Blaming others keeps us stuck in the past and reinforces thought patterns that create the same dramas in the future. The only time in which we can create new realities is in the present. Since our thoughts create our personal reality, why not choose to forgive the past and adopt a new way of thinking? Why look backward? It’s not the direction you want to go.

Forgiveness shifts our self-perception – We can transform our perception of ourselves from being a victim of our circumstances, reacting to hurtful situations from the past, to one of being a student of life. Seeing ourselves as a student of life means choosing to interpret all the situations we have ever had and all the people whom we have ever met as lessons that help us to learn more about ourselves, others, and life in general. Since our perceptions determine how we experience everything in life, shifting from a self-image of being a victim to the more enlightened self-image of being a student of life empowers you to create new, more expansive realities that align with your desire to live the life YOU choose.

Forgiveness, like any form of thought, can be consciously chosen. While it can seem difficult at first, the more we practice forgiveness, the more natural it becomes. We begin to feel better about everyone—especially ourselves.

Do you have a challenging forgiveness situation that you would like to share? I welcome your comments and questions.

Love and Light,

Sandra

Trying to Make Sense of Violence

Posted on April 17, 2013 by Sandra Brossman

This is an image of an indigo candle surrounded by flowers

The bombing tragedy at the Boston Marathon on Monday, compounded by the recent shootings in a movie theater in Aurora, Colorado and the Sandy Hook School massacre in Newtown, Connecticut, has caused many people to ask some very big questions, such as: “What in the world is going on?” “What can we do to help?” and “What is the spiritual message in all of this?”

As we all attempt to make some sense of these violent acts, let’s walk through these questions together, one at a time.

“What in the world is going on?”

Humanity is in the process of an enormous transformation, beyond what we have ever experienced. We are being called upon to create a new physical reality based on the spiritual truth of unconditional love. The opposite of love is fear. The violence we are seeing is not being forced upon us by a vengeful God. We have been given the gift of choice – we can choose to focus on love or we can choose to focus on fear. Our thoughts create our reality, so whatever we are thinking and doing that is not in alignment with unconditional love is now coming to our attention in a gargantuan way. Violence is is a symptom of a social disease much the same as cancer is a symptom of a major malfunction of the physical cells. Of course, it is only human to have strong feelings of deep grief and anger when we experience and witness these atrocities. We need to feel these feelings to move through the pain. But ultimately, as much as we would like to blame external circumstances and perpetrators of crime as the sole reason for violence, this does not get to the root of the healing. Because humanity is interconnected through Spirit, the true healing lies in each one of us taking responsibility for the fact that every one of us plays a part in forming the condition of our society.

What can we do to help?

First and foremost, we need to look within our own lives. As Malcolm Gladwell states in his famous book, The Tipping Point, “the smallest things make the biggest difference.” Resolving our personal conflicts in peaceful ways, being compassionate and non-judgmental, exercising random acts of kindness to friends and strangers, helping others in time of need, and honoring the divinity within all people by respecting our differences, are but a few of the ways we can personally make an enormous impact on the healing of the entire world. We don’t have control over what others think, say, and do, but we do have control over how we conduct our own personal lives. Just as one person can start an epidemic of disease, so also can one person start a movement of spiritual healing.

On a larger level, we can forgive ourselves and each other. Yes, I said forgive. Forgiveness does not mean we condone another person’s behavior, or that we agree with someone, or that we have given up. Far from it! When we forgive we stop judging, and we exercise the grace of surrendering our attachment to the pain and suffering of this world to a Higher Power. We can do this every day in every way by consciously choosing kind words and actions that are aligned with what we want to see, saying prayers, and meditating. In other words, get in touch with practicing anything that allows you to connect with your Soul. We don’t have all the answers, but we always have the opportunity to choose love over fear – and forgiveness is the highest form of human love. When we forgive, we transition ourselves from being a victim to that of being in a position of strength and compassion. From this higher perspective, we are in a position to genuinely be a support system to those who are the victims of violence. It is through forgiveness that we can bridge our present reality of fear to a new world of unconditional love.

What is the spiritual message in all of this?

Because we are human and we live in a world of separation, we need to see what separation (fear) looks like in its extreme form in order to comprehend the crucial need to come together as ONE. Have you noticed the extraordinary capacity people have to help one another during tragic events? Some of the ways in which we see this are: medical professionals tend to show up out of nowhere, police and fire officials immediately respond, spectators jump in to help anyone they can, even at the risk of their own lives, strangers volunteer to rebuild lives and properties, and people reach deep into their pockets to make financial contributions. During these trying times, we have learned that we need each other. We have also learned that prayer is much more than a religious experience – it is a human experience to connect with a Higher Power. Never before have so many people of different faiths, age, race, and nationalities come together to unite in prayers for the healing of humanity. When we are in desperate need, we tend to put aside our differences and get down to what really matters.

We ARE getting it! The common denominator for all of humanity is LOVE.

Love and Light,

Sandra