What We See in Others is a Reflection of Ourselves

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You may have heard it before, but it is such a strong statement:  “We can only see things within others that we see within ourselves.”  I think this is one of the most challenging spiritual lessons we are here to learn.  When I first read this statement in a spiritual book many years ago, it seemed very odd to me.  Like most people, my first response was, “Surely, I do not act like a lot of people who annoy me and push my buttons.”   Interestingly, I find that when I facilitate spiritual classes, this statement typically elicits the same response from most others.

 

 

Everyone you meet is your mirror.  Why is that?

 

 

We come to understand ourselves best through our relationships with other people. We can only be triggered by something we have experienced ourselves. The traits we tend to dislike in others are usually the traits we do not like about ourselves.  We then tend to judge and criticize these characteristics.  This calls to mind the analogy of pointing a blaming finger at someone.  One finger is pointing at another person, and three are pointing back to ourselves.

 

 

When certain characteristics in someone’s personality trigger a negative reaction from you, there is something within you that is coming up because it is ready to be healed.  Usually, it represents issues from your past that have gone unresolved. An example of this would be constantly attracting people who betray you in close relationships because you have not dealt with a parental abandonment issue from your past. What you are seeing is a manifestation of your belief that you cannot trust anyone with your feelings. Here is another example:  You are someone who has a constant need to prove to others that you are “right.”  Chances are you will attract people who strongly disagree with you because they also have the need to convince others to see life from their perspective.  Also, if you dislike controlling people, most likely you dislike some bossy tendencies within yourself.

 

 

Every person we meet in life is showing up at the perfect time in our lives to reflect something we need to heal within ourselves. The people with whom you interact are showing you who you are and ultimately providing you with an opportunity to love yourself. Since our mission is to discover what we don’t love and learn to love it, the people who get on our nerves the most are among our greatest teachers.

 

 

When you find yourself triggered by a person or situation, ask yourself the following questions: 

 

 

 

    •    “What is this person teaching me that I need to learn to become more whole?” 

 

    •    “Do I behave like this now?”

 

    •    “Did I behave like this in the past?”

 

 

Believe it or not, forgiving YOURSELF is the most effective way to disengage from negative interactions with people.  We can only love and accept others to the degree that we love and accept ourselves.  When you make it a habit to learn from your relationships, eventually you will discover that you can observe negative traits within others without judgment and without getting hooked into someone else’s drama.  If you discover that you are in a relationship with someone who habitually abuses you in some way, it is sometimes healthy to limit your exposure to that person or to avoid their company completely.  This serves you well only after you have embraced the lessons that you have seen reflected to you through the relationship, followed by choosing to forgive yourself and the other person.

 

 

The good news is that the desirable behaviors we see in others is also a reflection of ourselves.  When we predominantly choose thoughts of love, we live in a reality of love.  In other words, as we focus on our light within, we bring out the light within others.

 

 

We came to this earth to return to the remembrance that we are ONE. Everyone we meet has come into our path to help us to remember this.

 

 

Do you find it challenging to believe that what you see in others is a reflection of you?  I welcome your thoughts.

 

 

Love and Light,

 

Sandra

Gender Equality

 

This is an image in red of the gender symbols with text that says Gender Equality

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This past Sunday, we celebrated Mother’s Day, which we associate with the feminine role in our society.  We are now looking forward to Father’s Day on June 16, which we connect with the masculine role within our world.  Since we are presently in the gap between these two gender-associated holidays, it feels like the perfect time to discuss a topic which is currently getting a great deal of attention and publicity:  Gender equality.  

 

 

Gender equality, is also known as sexual equality, equality of the genders, and gender neutral. All of these terms imply that men and women should receive equal treatment. The concept is based on the United Nations Declaration of Human Rights, and the ultimate aim is to provide equality in law and equality in social situations, especially in democratic activities and securing equal pay for equal work.

 

 

There are presently two books on the New York Times Best Seller List that are delivering powerful messages about the importance of gender equality: Lean In, by Sheryl Sandberg, Chief Operating Officer of Facebook, urges women to pursue their careers without ambivalence. The other book, The Athena Doctrine, by John Gerzema and Michael D’Antonio, discusses how the feminine values of nurturing, listening, and collaborating are redefining success for both genders. It is very interesting to note that Sheryl Sandberg is a woman advocating for females to invoke more masculine qualities; and John Gerzema and Michael D’Antonio are men calling for business to incorporate what is viewed as feminine values.

 

 

Everyone has both a masculine and a feminine side

 

 

It is important that we do not confuse this topic with perceiving that this is a battle of male vs. female. Whether we are male or female, and no matter what our sexual preferences are, everyone has both a masculine and a feminine side. This is the yin/yang energy that has been referred to in Asian cultures for thousands of years.  There are certain characteristics that are inherent within both masculine and feminine energy.  Masculine energy (yang) deals with the strength of the self and the value of your own life.  Some of the qualities we attribute to being masculine are:  power, aggression, survival, focus, and decisiveness.  Feminine energy (yin) is more tuned into the value of the life of others and letting others take control of their own lives.  Some of the qualities we associate with being feminine are:  intuitive, gentle, nurturing, compassionate, and responsive to the needs of others.

 

 

For thousands of years, the collective energy of our world has been primarily masculine in nature.  Business, in particular, has been dominated by masculine energy because it has been focused on competition, power, and the bottom line. While up to this point in our evolution, this predominance of masculine energy has been appropriate in order to survive, an excess of masculine energy is being reflected in our social problems of greed, violence, and crime.  This is not to say that masculine energy is bad – far from it!  It is an extremely important component in our society, but we need to realize that it is imperative to maintain a balance of masculine energy as we bring in more feminine energy.  The key word here is BALANCE.

 

 

The fact that the issue of gender equality is moving to the forefront of our attention is an extraordinary sign that humanity is evolving to a much higher perspective than we have been in the past. We are being called upon to integrate the masculine qualities of focusing on the strength of self and being action oriented with the feminine qualities of being compassionate and responsive to the genuine needs of others.

 

 

The energy of Universal Love is a perfect balance of feminine and masculine energy.  While the world around us may seem pretty tumultuous right now, we can find great inspiration in knowing that we are beginning to integrate our masculine and feminine qualities internally and externally.  As we each discover the balance of masculine/ feminine energy within ourselves, it is being reflected in the conditions of our outer world.  Humanity is beginning to move out of polarity and into our spiritual truth of ONENESS!

 

 

I welcome any stories you choose to share regarding your struggles and successes on your personal journey toward gender equality.

 

 

Love and Light,

 

Sandra

Mother’s Day – A Perfect Day for Healing

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Mother’s Day is just around the corner.  Mother’s Day, a holiday proclaimed by President Woodrow Wilson in 1914,  is a day of celebration in which we honor mothers, motherhood, and maternal bonds. The power and influence of mothers and maternal figures in our personal lives and in our society is beyond measure.  Mothers and grandmothers are the core strength of the home, the creators of life, the nurturers of children, our first teachers, our female role models, and our indispensable companions. Most importantly, when we think of a mother’s love, we frequently think of the unconditional boundless love that is the closest human expression of divine love.

 

 

Mother’s Day, like all holidays, elicits different feelings for each one of us.  Whether we think our mothers did a “good” job or a “bad” job of raising us, the truth is that our mothers played an enormous role in helping us to form our system of values, sense of self, foundation of security, and, in general, the initial foundation for all of our perceptions in life.

 

 

Some of us were fortunate to be raised by mothers or mother figures who were confident, strong, and a model of unconditional love.  If this is the case, the mere mention of the word “mother” conjures up feelings of warmth, nurturing and safety. If you are one of these people, Mother’s Day is a joyful day where you are inspired to cherish and appreciate your mother and buying a card, giving a hug, and saying “I love you”  feels completely natural.

 

 

If your mother has passed on, this may be an especially sad time of year as you recognize that losing a mom creates a void that no one else can fill in your life.  Who could ever understand you, unconditionally accept you, and always love you the way your mother did?

 

 

And then there are others who have had a vastly different experience. There are many people who attribute the root cause of most of their pain and problems to their mothers. In working with clients over many years in my spiritual healing practice, I discovered that blaming our mothers for our shortcomings is the deepest underlying issue for almost every major healing issue: mental, emotional, and physical.  In fact, I observed that our mothers have so much influence in our lives that when a mother would heal a painful issue, the child (whether young, middle age, or old) was automatically positively affected; and, conversely, when the child (of any age) would heal, the mother would also be positively affected.

 

 

From a spiritual perspective, the soul of a child chooses his or her mother, and the mother chooses the child.  Because our life journey is all about becoming whole, we choose parents from whom we learn what we most need to know – we fulfill these lessons in both positive and negative ways.  If, for example, our mothers did not praise us very much, it could be that our souls needed to remember that we get our genuine validation from within ourselves – not from external sources.  On the other side of the coin, mothers learn just as much from their children.  For example, a child with learning differences may be teaching a mother all about patience and acceptance.

 

 

The single most important factor that affects our relationships with our mothers is our own attitude.  As children, we typically had great expectations of all the qualities we wanted our mothers to have — we wanted her to be our Rock of Gibraltar, the model of an ideal woman, have the patience of Job, and express the love of an angel.  As we mature, we need to accept that our mothers are human and that they have had to deal with issues that were passed on to them by their parents. I truly believe that most mothers love to the best of their capacity and want the very best for their children.  I also think most mothers would agree that motherhood is simultaneously the both most difficult and rewarding job in all the world.

 

 

Unconditionally accepting our mothers for who they are (or were) is our greatest lesson in compassion and forgiveness. Since we are inextricably connected with our mothers, forgiving them for their shortcomings and for falling short of our expectations is the same thing as forgiving ourselves for carrying forward any unhealthy patterns which need to be healed.  And when you think about it, who better than our mothers to teach us this magnificent lesson.

 

 

Happy Mother’s Day!

 

 

Love and Light,

 

Sandra

What IS the Difference Between Religion and Spirituality?

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This is a question which comes up in conversations quite frequently.  Although the terms spirituality and religion are often used interchangeably; they do not mean the same thing.

 

 

What is Religion?

 

 

Religion is a social structure, created by humans, based on a system of beliefs, attitudes, and practices. Many religions have narratives, symbols, traditions and sacred histories that are intended to give meaning to life or to explain the origin of life or the Universe.  The ideologies of each particular religion determine the ethics, religious laws, and preferred lifestyle of its followers.  

 

 

There are many different religions in the world.  Most of them have chosen a particular path to follow in our eternal human quest for deeper truth and love.  We may choose to belong to a particular religion due to family tradition, life experiences, a desire to associate with a community of people of like mind, and many other personal reasons.  

 

 

What is Spirituality?

 

 

Spirit is the life force energy of unconditional love that connects all of creation.  The root word of spirit is the Latin word spiritus, which means breath. Remembering this helps us to release the illusion that spirituality is an esoteric concept separate from our physical reality or that it is exclusively attached to any specific religion.  It also helps us to realize that there is no such thing as a “non-spiritual person.” Because spirit is the breath of life, it is an innate part of who we are at the deepest level of our being. 

 

 

We do not need to “do” anything to be spiritual. 

 

 

Whether we belong to a religion or not, every human being has a soul connection to Spirit. We do not need to choose Spirit, nor do we need to do anything to be chosen.  Like breath, it simply is.  We each have a direct spiritual connection with the unconditional love of a Higher Reality.  We are each free to choose whether we want to acknowledge this Higher Reality or to deny it.  We are also free to decide how we want to perceive it.  There is nothing we need to do to qualify in order to be worthy of  this connection, and it is not necessary to have an intermediary to access it.

 

Spirit is the essence of Unconditional Love.

 

 

Because Spirit is the essence of unconditional love, discovering our spirituality is not something that happens to us or outside of us.  It is the life force of energy WITHIN our very being and is ingrained in every cell of our bodies.  We don’t have to search for love — we ARE, each one of us, the physical embodiment of divine love.  As humans, we are each a spiritual being in a physical body with a divine purpose for being on earth.  Remembering our spiritual connection is the underlying purpose of our journey here on earth. 

 

 

We are each on a different path to Oneness.

 

 

We are all on different paths moving toward the realization of the unconditional love and infinite potential of Spirit. Whether you have chosen a religion or not, the most important thing each one of us can do is to choose to base our beliefs on the qualities of kindness, respect, and cooperation within our personal lives and in our interaction with others. Respecting the differences within each other is essential for the well being of our entire planet.  It is the only way we can create a world of harmony and peace.

 

 

For thousands of years we have used our religions to call attention to our differences – even to the point of having “religious wars.” As humanity evolves,  these lines of separation are dissolving and religions are beginning to converge into the truth of our Oneness.  Indeed, there are encouraging signs everywhere indicating that many of the major religions are expanding the context of their beliefs and doctrines to welcome people of different cultures, race, creed, and socioeconomic status to unite through the common thread of unconditional love.

 

 

During times of crisis, we are increasingly seeing people of many different faiths, as well as people who have no particular religious affiliation, unite in prayer for the good of the whole. 

 

 

We are each a beautiful and unique piece in the whole puzzle – we are all a part of ONENESS!

 

 

I welcome any questions you may have, as well as your insights and experiences regarding the paths you have chosen to become more whole.

 

 

Love and Light,

 

Sandra

Trying to Make Sense of Violence

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The bombing tragedy at the Boston Marathon on Monday, compounded by the recent shootings in a movie theater in Aurora, Colorado and the Sandy Hook School massacre in Newtown, Connecticut, has caused many people to ask some very big questions, such as:  “What in the world is going on?”  “What can we do to help?”  and “What is the spiritual message in all of this?”

 

 

As we all attempt to make some sense of these violent acts, let’s walk through these questions together, one at a time.

 

 

“What in the world is going on?”  

 

Humanity is in the process of an enormous transformation, beyond what we have ever experienced.  We are being called upon to create a new physical reality based on the spiritual truth of unconditional love. The opposite of love is fear.  The violence we are seeing is not being forced upon us by a vengeful God. We have been given the gift of choice – we can choose to focus on love or we can choose to focus on fear.  Our thoughts create our reality, so whatever we are thinking and doing that is not in alignment with unconditional love is now coming to our attention in a gargantuan way.  Violence is is a symptom of a social disease much the same as cancer is a symptom of a major malfunction of the physical cells.  Of course, it is only human to have strong feelings of deep grief and anger when we experience and witness these atrocities.  We need to feel these feelings to move through the pain.  But ultimately, as much as we would like to blame external circumstances and perpetrators of crime as the sole reason for violence, this does not get to the root of the healing. Because humanity is interconnected through Spirit, the true healing lies in each one of us taking responsibility for the fact that every one of us plays a part in forming the condition of our society.

 

 

What can we do to help? 

 

First and foremost, we need to look within our own lives. As Malcolm Gladwell states in his famous book, The Tipping Point, “the smallest things make the biggest difference.”  Resolving our personal conflicts in peaceful ways, being compassionate and non-judgmental, exercising random acts of kindness to friends and strangers, helping others in time of need, and honoring the divinity within all people by respecting our differences, are but a few of the ways we can personally make an enormous impact on the healing of the entire world.  We don’t have control over what others think, say, and do, but we do have control over how we conduct our own personal lives.  Just as one person can start an epidemic of disease, so also can one person start a movement of spiritual healing.

 

 

On a larger level, we can forgive ourselves and each other.  Yes, I said forgive.  Forgiveness does not mean we condone another person’s behavior, or that we agree with someone, or that we have given up. Far from it! When we forgive we stop judging, and we exercise the grace of surrendering our attachment to the pain and suffering of this world to a Higher Power. We can do this every day in every way by consciously choosing kind words and actions that are aligned with what we want to see, saying prayers, and meditating.  In other words, get in touch with practicing anything that allows you to connect with your Soul.  We don’t have all the answers, but we always have the opportunity to choose love over fear – and forgiveness is the highest form of human love.  When we forgive, we transition ourselves from being a victim to that of being in a position of strength and compassion.  From this higher perspective, we are in a position to genuinely be a support system to those who are the victims of violence. It is through forgiveness that we can bridge our present reality of fear to a new world of unconditional love.

 

 

What is the spiritual message in all of this?  

 

Because we are human and we live in a world of separation, we need to see what separation (fear) looks like in its extreme form in order to comprehend the crucial need to come together as ONE. Have you noticed the extraordinary capacity people have to help one another during tragic events?  Some of the ways in which we see this are:  medical professionals tend to show up out of nowhere, police and fire officials immediately respond, spectators jump in to help anyone they can, even at the risk of their own lives, strangers volunteer to rebuild lives and properties, and people reach deep into their pockets to make financial contributions.  During these trying times, we have learned that we need each other.  We have also learned that prayer is much more than a religious experience – it is a human experience to connect with a Higher Power.   Never before have so many people of different faiths, age, race, and nationalities come together to unite in prayers for the healing of humanity.  When we are in desperate need, we tend to put aside our differences and get down to what really matters.

 

 

We ARE getting it!  The common denominator for all of humanity is LOVE.

 

 

Love and Light,

 

 

Sandra