love yourself | Self-Help Books

This is the image of a little girl holding her beloved cat who offers unconditional love for her to share her feelings

In last week’s blog, we discussed how we all experience different versions of pain in our lives and that it is extremely essential for your well being that you allow yourself to express your feelings.

While this is true, it also realistic to say that our daily routines are typically so demanding that we find ourselves in many situations and places where we need to suppress our hurtful feelings. It is socially acceptable to laugh and smile in public, but what about all the “negative” emotions we have, like: anger, sadness, depression, and anxiety?

It is certainly not appropriate to cry, scream, or be physically aggressive when we are in school, at work, during social occasions, or in public places. When we are at home, we are preoccupied with a myriad of other responsibilities, such as: parenting, housework, errands, and, let us not forget, being emotionally and physically available to our spouses and partners. It seems like just having the time and space to express our negative feelings is a luxury. As a result, we typically “stuff down” the anger we feel about an argument we had with a friend or family member, the grief we feel about the loss of a loved one, the betrayal we feel when we have not been supported by loved ones during a very stressful time, and the list goes.

Where do all these repressed emotions go? I believe we store them in a mental file which I call, “feelings to be dealt with at another time.” Of course, unless we create the time to get these feelings out of our minds the energy of our negative feelings accumulates and eventually manifests as mental and physical disorders.

So how do we constructively manage our feelings? The following are some suggestions on how to manage your emotions in healthy ways:

Create a daily quiet time and space for yourself– This can be for as little as 10 minutes a day – perhaps the first thing in the morning or the last thing before you go to bed. This is time that you are sanctioning as a healing time for yourself. If you do not declare a daily “healthy me” time and space, you can be quite sure that everything and everyone else in your life will take priority.

Close your eyes and breathe – Inhale deeply into your lungs to the count of 5, hold the breath to the count of 5, then slowly exhale to the count of 10. Repeat this at least 5 times. This automatically calms down your “fight or flight” response.

Identify your feelings – Many times we are unaware of what emotions we are holding in. Ask yourself, “What am I feeling?” Is it grief? Feeling unimportant? Abused? Becoming conscious of your feelings is important because you are the only one who can access the emotion(s) that you need to express.

Accept whatever you are feeling – Just observe whatever you are sensing with absolutely no judgment. Feelings are not “right” or “wrong.” It is just energy which, by its very definition, is constant motion. Feelings are not meant to be stored – they are meant to be expressed. Pain is actually blocked energy.

Interpret the connection – Is this a familiar feeling that is based on a present time situation, or do you sense that it is linked to a previous event? Perhaps you are having a major response to a minor situation because you are associating it with an event in the past that caused great trauma. For example, if you are breaking up a friendship, is this the same feeling of abandonment you had when your parents got divorced? If so, the time has come to deal with the underlying source of your emotional trigger.

Pay attention to how your body is feeling – Mentally scan your body. Are you feeling this emotion in your heart? Is your throat tight? Is your head pounding? Then inhale a deep breath of energy into your heart and exhale it out into the areas where you are feeling the pain. You may discover you are holding the pain in many parts of your body. Take your time – there is no rush. What you are doing is unblocking the energy by creating movement through your breath.

Express your feelings verbally – It may help you to journalize your feelings, talk to a compassionate friend, or seek the services of of a spiritual healer or professional counselor.

Express feelings physically – Spending time in nature and playing with a beloved animal companion are wonderful ways to balance your energy. Physical exercise is also a very effective way to vent your feelings in a constructive way. Some other effective outlets for pent up energy: Find a private place and cry as much as you want; or, if you are angry, get in your car, find a place that is away from the crowd and scream your head off! Honestly, as strange as this may seem, screaming can be a very cathartic, healing experience.

Review your options – Ultimately, there are only a few ways we can manage any situation that is causing pain: Sometimes we can remove ourselves from the situation or away from the person. If not, we can change our perception about the situation. If neither of the above is possible, we can choose to accept things as they are. Anything else is a choice to stay stuck!

These are just a few ideas for honoring yourself by giving yourself permission to express your true feelings.

Remember it is human to feel a huge range of emotions. Our stress is not caused by the actual events and situations we experience; rather it is how we choose to respond to our life challenges.

I welcome your input on how you have effectively managed some of the many challenging experiences that have come into your life.

Love and Light

Sandra

Click to read last week’s blog, Give Yourself Permission to Feel Your Feelings: Part 1 of 2

A portion of this message is an excerpt from the book, The Power of Oneness, Live the Life You Choose. To learn more about how you can align your life with spiritual truth, order the book at http://www.thepowerofoneness.com/products/

This is the image of an orange tabby cat with his paw on the mirror as he looks at his reflection

When you look into or pass by a mirror, what is the first thing you do? If you are like most people, your first response is to criticize the image reflecting back to you.

There is a huge full-length mirror in an elevator lobby in my building that compels anyone who is waiting for the elevators to catch a glimpse of themselves. I always find it interesting to hear what people say: “Boy, I look tired,” “My hair looks terrible today,” and “Ooh – I am really gaining weight” are a few of the most common things I hear. I don’t think I have ever heard anyone say something positive about their own reflection.

Of course, it is rather uncomfortable to say aloud that you think you look wonderful when you are in a public place. So the question is: Why do we think it is all right to say something negative about ourselves in a public place?

Most of us have been socially conditioned to worry about how other people think of us. While there is nothing wrong with trying to emulate the qualities we admire in others, we do ourselves a great deal of harm by judging and criticizing ourselves when we think we are not measuring up to our perceptions of other people’s expectations. Chronic self-criticism produces guilt and shame, and shame is an emotion that continues to perpetuate a negative self-image.

So where does our self-image originate? Beginning early in our childhoods, we are mentally programmed with beliefs which have been influenced by years of social conditioning, religious doctrines, family structure, teaching institutions, and customs. When we were young children, we did not have the mental capabilities to screen what was our personal truth and what was someone else’s, so we unconditionally accepted the perceptions of our parents and people around us as absolute truth. If a parent consistently scolded us by saying we were “bad,” or a teacher in kindergarten told us we were “not bright,” we most likely accepted these statements as gospel. Because we needed to look to others for our survival when we were young children, we tended to adapt our thinking and behavior to gain acceptance and approval from others.

If you have had a lot of positive programming as a child, chances are that you have developed a healthy sense of self-esteem by learning how to focus on your strengths. If you have had a lot of criticism as you were growing up (and most of us have), you may have developed the habit of constantly looking for your shortcomings. You can spend your whole life living backward by blaming the people who passed on their fear-based beliefs, or you can move into present time by living your life according to your own authentic values. If we truly want to heal, at a soul level, we need to transform the foundation of all of our beliefs from fear to love, beginning with ourselves.

The next time you look into a mirror, look into your own eyes and tell yourself what you most need to hear: “I deeply and completely love and accept myself.” If you are at home, say it out loud. If you are in public, think it to yourself. You cannot say or hear it too often because the most basic human need we all have is to be loved and accepted. If this is a message we want to hear from others, it is a message we need to first tell ourselves. This practice will help you to develop the habit of focusing on your light and inner beauty because it is based on the unconditional love of Spirit.

One of the most touching and simply written summaries I have ever seen regarding self-esteem was written by the 8-year old daughter of a close friend of mine. Her assignment was to look at a cat looking in a mirror, with a tiger reflecting back. She was asked to look at the picture and explain her thinking on the following statement: “What you think of yourself is more important than what you think others think of you.” Following is her response:

I think that the statement and picture mean that you need to be proud to be you and to think of yourself as amazing, talented, and very, very special. Do not worry about what other people think of you. If YOU think you are great, smart, and doing well, that is probably what other people will think of you. If not – no worries. In conclusion, be happy with who you are. Your opinion of yourself may not be the same as others, but that does not matter. YOU ARE STILL SPECIAL!!

Love and Light

Tag Archives: love yourself

Give Yourself Permission to Feel Your Feelings: Part 2 of 2

Sandra

What Matters Most Is How You See Yourself

Sandra