forgive yourself | Self-Help Books

This is an image of a beautiful woman jumping for joy on the beach

We have all had times in our lives when we have felt “stuck.” What an uncomfortable feeling! It is like being sucked into a dark emotional whirlpool of indecision and total lack of direction! When this happens, we go round and round until we actually begin to believe that we are living a life with few or no options.

The state of occasionally feeling stuck is part of our spiritual growth and generally follows major shifts in our lives. It often follows a period of trauma, such as: getting divorced, losing a loved one, a health crisis, or financial loss. Interestingly, it is equally common to experience this feeling following “positive” changes in our lives, such as: getting married, the birth of a child, sending the last child off to school, getting a promotion at work, moving our home location, or retiring.

Often times we deal with the aftermath of going through these traumas and major transitions by “freezing,” which is actually the equivalent of an emotional aftershock. As always, we need to respect ourselves by honoring and expressing the feelings we have that accompany the shifts within our lives. We need to be aware of and express grief, anger, resentment, fear, and the myriad of emotions that each experience brings out within us. Also, this period of emotional plateauing is healthy in that we may require some time to stabilize ourselves in order to prepare for shifting into the new priorities that follow major life changes.

A problem arises only when we remain in this “frozen state” for long periods of time by continuing to focus on the past. Continuing to resist the changes in our lives, whether positive or negative, can cause a great deal of suffering and, over a prolonged period of time, can eventually cause depression. Depression causes a paralytic state of mind that blocks our creativity and ability to flow with change.

There is an underlying theme beneath the feeling of being stuck: When we experience major change in our lives, we tend to pause and question our purpose. In other words, as we end one stage of life and begin another, we are called upon to create new ideas of what we want to do with our lives. Major life transitions are intersections; and, just as we do when approaching a traffic intersection, we need to slow down in order to switch directions.

Here are some suggestions for getting unstuck and moving “into the flow:”

1. Express Your Feelings – Be aware of your emotions and express them to supportive people in your life. This helps your mind to process the changes you are experiencing with greater ease and helps to keep your heart open.

2. Forgive Yourself – Many times we beat ourselves up with the “I should have,” “I wish I had,” and “If only” statements. Some of the life shifts you are experiencing can feel like walloping blows to your sense of third dimensional security. Be kind to yourself by acknowledging that you are doing the best you know to do with what is going on in your life.

3. Develop the Habit of Self-Loving Dialogue – Consciously choose to talk to yourself as though you were your own best friend. By making this a regular practice, you will eventually reinforce your self-esteem.

4. Focus on the Lessons Learned Through the Changes – Every experience you have ever had has helped you to become wiser and more whole. When you glean the life lessons you most need to learn from your challenging experiences, you will not repeat the same unproductive patterns.

5. Express Gratitude for the Lessons – Expressing appreciation for both the ups and downs of life is a wonderful way to attract blessings and to live in a state of grace, no matter what you are experiencing.

6. Create a New Dream – The completion of each state of life offers the opportunity for the beginning of a new one. This is the perfect time to decide what you would like to do to expand your life through new adventures. (You may find it helpful to read my previous blog from August 27, “Creating Visions of Your Desired Reality.”)

7. Step Into Your Dream – The most effective way to break out of inertia is to take action. NOW is the time to take the first step toward fulfilling your visions of new beginnings. You do not have wait until the perfect time, the perfect place, or the perfect opportunity. There is no “right” or “wrong” when it comes to being the author of your own life. Every single action that you take toward realizing your new dream creates momentum. As the famous Nike slogan so aptly expresses, “Just Do It!”

The energy of life is dynamic, so change is inevitable. HOW we experience change is a choice. When we resist change, we feel stuck; when we accept it, we free ourselves to learn and grow and to experience inner peace, no matter what is going on in our outer world.

Love and Light,

Sandra

Sign with clouds behind that says, "Self-Worth

Do you constantly long for wonderful things in your life that just don’t seem to be happening? Perhaps you are hoping for more love in your relationships, greater financial abundance, a career you truly enjoy, and better health. You have worked hard, may have thought about the quality of life you desire in countless ways, imagined it, and prayed for it – and still, it just doesn’t seem to be manifesting into your reality!

So why aren’t your hopes and dreams for a better life coming true?

In your pure state of spirituality, there is a higher aspect of yourself that already knows you deserve to be loved, joyful, healthy, peaceful and living in abundance. This is the natural way of being your Essential Self, or often times referred to as your Higher Self, that is connected to spiritual truth. When your thoughts are in harmony with your truth, you remember that you DESERVE to receive all of these blessings.

There is also another aspect of yourself, which is the ego part of your mind, that dwells on thoughts of fear. All thought is creative, so whatever you are experiencing is a giant mirror reflecting your predominant thoughts. When you focus on fear, you create fearful circumstances. When you choose to focus on unconditional love, you create loving experiences. Since fear is the opposite of love, when you choose thoughts of fear, you are blocking the flow of blessings that naturally flow to you through the energy of unconditional love.

One major way in which we block the flow of blessings manifesting into our physical reality is through guilt and shame.

When we hold on to these self-defeating fearful emotions, we are basically sending out a conflicting message to the Universe: “Yes, I ask for all these blessings to come into my life; but no, I can’t accept them because I am not deserving.” By doing this, we are separating our Spiritual Self from our Physical Self and are standing in our own way of receiving, Not surprisingly, we don’t feel like we are in the flow of life.

If you are feeling guilty or shameful, you are most likely dwelling on the past and judging yourself for all the things you have said or done to hurt yourself and others. Perhaps the rationalization you are using for holding onto guilt and shame is that you feel the need to punish yourself for the many things you may have said or done in the past that you now perceive as “wrong.” The problem is that this type of self-flagellation does not heal anyone or anything. In truth, holding onto guilt and self-punishment is a form of ego that confirms victimhood. If not expressed and transformed, chances are that your feelings of guilt and shame will turn into long-term resentment, bitterness, and anger because you are not being kind to yourself.

Express your feelings

Feeling guilty and shameful at times is human and appropriate. This is why it is important to be honest with yourself about your feelings and express them in a constructive way. Talking with a non-judgmental friend or professional health practitioner, spending time with people you love, participating in physical activity, and being with nature are just a few ways to let out your emotions. Expressing your feelings of guilt and shame is healthy – on the other hand, making these feelings a permanent foundation for your beliefs about yourself is extremely damaging. It can become a constant excuse for denying yourself the quality of life you want to live.

Forgive Yourself

After you express your feelings, FORGIVE YOURSELF. Forgiving yourself does not mean that you just forget about everything. Forgiveness is a choice to stop living in the past and adjust your thoughts to focus in present time, where all possibilities exist. Forgiving yourself actually requires that you take full responsibility to choose healthier thoughts and actions. Since the past is already behind you, you now have a choice: you can drag along the pain and sorrow of your past experiences, or you can carry forward the lessons and growth that you have gained from dealing with the many challenges in your life. While this may seem like an oversimplification, this single decision will have a healing effect on your thoughts, your feelings, and your actions – in other words, it will change your whole reality!

Then make a commitment to yourself to be as honest and kind as you know to be to yourself and others from this point forward. This intention, based on forgiveness of self and others, requires an enormous amount of practice every day in every way. It is more than worth it because it harmonizes your thoughts with the frequency of Universal Love and will clear the way for you to receive the infinite blessings you DESERVE.

Love and Light,

Sandra

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Getting Unstuck

You Are Worthy!