Choosing to Have the Courage to Be Yourself

This is an image of a bright blue sky with beautiful clouds with the the word Courage written into the clouds

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Ironically, one of the greatest fears we humans have is that we will be vulnerable if we express our true self to the world.  In an attempt to “protect” ourselves, we many times project emotions which we do not authentically feel, display behaviors which are designed to please others, and say things we don’t really mean.

 

 

Why do we do this? 

 

 

We live in a society in which we are conditioned to focus primarily on outer stimulation. From earliest childhood, many of us were taught by well-intentioned parents, teachers, and caregivers to define ourselves by what other people think of us.  Seeking the approval of others quickly became the major motivation for most of our behavior patterns, starting very early in the lives of many of us.  As a result, we may have developed a belief system that our self-worth is determined by the opinions of others rather than learning to develop our own sense of self-esteem based on inner values.  Unless we became aware of this perception and chose to change it, we most likely continued to perpetuate this belief into adulthood.  

 

 

Why does this cause pain in our lives?

 

 

One of the tenets of the Universal Law of Manifestation is that we attract what we project.  Accordingly, if we do not project our authentic selves, we will not attract responses from other people that align with who we truly are.  For example, most of us have been in numerous life situations where we have knocked ourselves out trying to please someone by being the selfless mother, father, spouse, sibling, or friend.  We emotionally gave and gave until eventually we felt depleted.  We were desperately seeking approval for our heroic deeds.  When we did not get back what we considered an appropriate response, we felt totally unappreciated and, perhaps, even rejected.  This seemingly selfless approach is far from selfless because it cultivates an environment where everyone is looking to everyone else to feel regenerated.

 

 

Does it take courage to express our true self?

 

 

Of course it takes courage to live an authentic life in which we are projecting our honest self, rather than hiding behind layers of veneers that we have designed to deflect the hurtful thoughts and actions of others. It is important to remember that  “courage”  (root word cuer, meaning heart) does not mean the absence of fear; indeed, we all have fears.  Having courage means that we make a conscious choice to live from the heart by choosing thoughts, words, and actions that are aligned with our spiritual values of kindness, cooperation, and respect for self and others. Interestingly, when we are being who we truly are, we are actually able to detach from needing approval from everyone else because there is an inner peace and sense of confidence that comes from living in integrity.

 

 

The only real “safety” any of us has in life is the security of being our authentic selves.  Every single one of us is amazingly special.  NO ONE ELSE CAN BE YOU!  No other human being has your particular personality, your one-of-a-kind brain, your special body, and your extraordinary soul. YOUR UNIQUENESS is a contribution to all of humanity.

 

 

When you express your TRUE SELF to the world, you are sharing the physical expression of the Love and Light of your soul. What could be more “safe?”

 

 

Love and Light,

 

Sandra

How Can We Access Our Inner Spiritual Wisdom?

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Living a life of spiritual integrity requires that make we make decisions and choose perceptions that align with our inner spiritual wisdom.  This sounds rather simple, but how do we access our inner wisdom?

 

 

Many of us associate the thought of accessing inner wisdom in an esoteric way, such as: going into a lengthy and deep meditation in an isolated environment; seeking seclusion in a monastery; spending time in a distant place such as an ashram; or, at the very least, needing to be completely alone in a quiet place.  While all of these techniques are highly effective in accessing spiritual wisdom, the truth is that every human being has the ability to instantaneously and directly access the universal field of intelligence from wherever we are, at any time, and all of the time through intuition.  In essence, we are each a conduit for a constant stream of limitless wisdom.

 

 

One of the definitions of intuition is, “the immediate knowing of something without the conscious use of reasoning.   Because intuition is a right-brain function, it isn’t something we can analyze with our minds.  Intuitive messages bypass the judgment of the mind and come directly through to the heart, thus the saying, “the truth is within.”

 

 

How Do We Perceive Intuition?

 

Because intuitive messages come through the heart, they are perceived through our senses.  These feelings are sometimes described as “gut level,” “sixth sense,” “inner wisdom,” “inner knowing,” and “flashes of imagination.”  Many of us actually experience physical sensations when we hear or see something that coincides with our truth.  We may suddenly get goose bumps, feel a tingling sensation, spontaneously take a deep breath, feel an electrical current going up our backs, or sense an overall wave of energy moving throughout the body.  These sensations are indications that our bodies are literally resonating with the energetic frequency of the truth of spirit.  We can also get physical indications when something we are hearing or seeing is not truth.  Usually it is a contracted feeling, such as a knot in the stomach or throat, shortness of breath, or a sudden chill.

 

 

Every person has intuition.

 

 

Although we all sense it in different ways, and some of us even deny sensing it at all, every person has intuitive abilities–it is part of our human nature.

 

 

The reason it appears that not all of us are intuitive is simply because some of us listen to and act upon our inner messages, whereas others simply dismiss them as insignificant.  We many times ignore our intuition because we want to validate our intuitive messages with our left-brain logic and analysis.  When we attempt to do this, we choke the spontaneous flow of wisdom coming through to us because messages of spirit are infinitely larger than the logical paradigms of the mind.  An example of this is getting an intuitive message to write a book and rationalizing all the reasons why it is not a “good idea” before exploring all the possibilities of why it is possible.

 

 

How can we distinguish the difference between “intuitive feelings” and “impulsive feelings?”

 

 

When we get an impulsive message, it is usually initiated by our ego in the form of a whim to immediately do something, whether it is in our greatest good or not.  Our impulse may be to indulge in an addictive behavior, such as overeating, or to run out and buy something we neither need nor can afford.  If it is an impulse, chances are we will change our minds if we wait for a while or sleep on the idea.  Also we are likely to feel guilty or unfulfilled after acting impulsively.

 

 

Intuitive messages, on the other hand, are relentless and persistent.  Even when we ignore them, they have the tenacious habit of resurfacing time and time again.  Intuitive messages are always in our best interests, causing us to feel uplifted and fulfilled.  Because intuition connects us with our Oneness of Spirit, the messages it reveals to us are always rooted in unconditional love and pure truth.  We develop our ability to perceive intuitive messages by listening, trusting, and acting upon them.  The more we do this, the more we empower ourselves to live our lives with spiritual integrity.

 

 

Love and Light,

 

Sandra

10 Steps for Living a Sacred Life

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Our true life purpose is to live a sacred life by consistently expressing our spiritual values in all that we think, say, and do. 

 

 

 

10 Steps for Living a Sacred Life

 

 

1.   Honor the divinity within yourself, everyone, and everything.

 

Everyone and everything was created in divine love. Accordingly, align your thoughts, words, and deeds with kindness, respect, and cooperation.

 

 

2.   Accept people as they are without trying to change them to conform to your expectations.

 

The only way we can change others is through our own positive example.

 

 

3.   Forgive yourself and others.

 

Be compassionate toward yourself and others – It takes a great deal of courage for any one of us to be here.

 

 

4.   Recognize that we all have the same spiritual purpose – to receive and express unconditional love. 

 

You will remember this in your own unique way and in your own time. So will everyone else.

 

 

5.   Understand that it is not in your greatest good to judge or criticize anyone.

 

Whatever you criticize about someone else is an aspect, to a greater or lesser degree, that you need to heal within yourself.

 

 

6.   See life as a process of growth.

 

There are no failures. Every situation you experience and every person you meet is an opportunity for growth and greater insight to universal truth and love.

 

 

7.   Develop an attitude of gratitude.

 

Being thankful for everything and everyone is the most effective way to create peace and prosperity in your life.

 

 

8.   Remember we are all a part of the whole of existence.  

 

What affects one of us affects all of us. Take responsibility for the fact that your thoughts, words, and actions, and even your underlying motivations, are constantly impacting the entire world.

 

 

9.   Respect everything in the environment.

 

The way we take care of the earth is the way it takes care of us.

 

 

10.  Forgive yourself whenever you forget any of the above.

 

 

 

Excerpt from “The Power of Oneness, Live The Life You Choose”

Cultivating an Attitude of Gratitude

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One of the most wonderful ways we can create peace and abundance in our lives is to focus our attention on gratitude.  Gratitude is a word that we most typically associate with thankfulness.  When we think of thankfulness, many of us focus on the relationships, conditions, and things in our life that we like and enjoy.  Being thankful is a very healthy emotion that helps us to reinforce a positive attitude and maintain balance in life.

 

 

But what about all of the things that go on in our lives that we do not enjoy, like: getting sick, losing our jobs, the death of a loved one, the break-up of a close relationship, being injured in a car accident, making a bad investment, or experiencing violence?  Are we supposed to be thankful for all of these experiences too, or just the “good stuff?”

 

 

This is where the infinitely greater meaning of gratitude comes in.  When we are only thankful for things we like, gratitude is an emotion that is contingent on our situation, therefore it is a conditional emotion.  When things are going well, we are thankful; when life gets tough, we wait until a time when things feel more optimistic before we express thanks again.  The problem with this is that no human being is going to spend life here on earth with only positive experiences. So, if we perceive gratitude in a conditional way, we are quite likely going to have long and frequent periods of time during which we do not feel thankful.

 

 

In the spiritual sense, gratitude is an ongoing attitude in which we choose to be unconditionally appreciative for all that is.  When we think about this, we realize this is a huge concept.  This would mean that we choose to see the blessings in every experience we have, every moment of every day. There is so much pain and suffering in our third dimensional world, as well as a plethora of amazingly challenging, downright unpleasant experiences, so how is it humanly possible to maintain an “attitude of gratitude?”

 

 

Developing an attitude of gratitude begins by choosing to remember that absolutely everything we experience and everyone whom we meet is happening for a reason. Even though many times we do not understand things that occur in our lives, every experience we have is offering us the opportunity to become more whole.  No matter what is going on, we focus on the perfection within what appears to be a lot of imperfection.  Through our thoughts, we call into our life the people and situations that teach us what we most need to know when we most need to learn it. This occurs in both positive and negative ways, depending on how we learn best. For example, if one of our large life lessons is that need to stop giving our power away to others, we will most likely attract controlling personalities into our reality until we figure out how to love ourselves enough to take control of our own life.

 

 

When we function in a state of gratitude, we begin to appreciate everything.  We are not born feeling grateful – it is a frame of mind that needs to be cultivated through practice. We become thankful for the penny we just found on the sidewalk, the parking spot that just opened up at the perfect moment, the smile of a passing stranger, the roof over our heads, and the food we eat.  We begin to see the magnificent wonder of life within everyone and everything.  We are thankful for something as seemingly small as the petal on a flower to the magnitude of the miracle of witnessing a child being born.  We are thankful for a sunny day and equally appreciative for a rainy day.  We express thanks for the unhappy experiences from which we grow, just as much as the happy ones.

 

 

When we practice being thankful for all things great and small, we are aligning our thoughts with the frequency of unconditional love; thus, we open ourselves to welcoming abundance at every level – mentally, emotionally, and physically.  While some days may be a lot more enjoyable than others, practicing an attitude of gratitude is a perfect way to savor every moment of life.

 

 

Love and Light,

 

Sandra

 

Sandra Brossman is the author of The Power of Oneness, Live the Life You Choose.  To learn more about how you can align your life with spiritual truth, order the book at http://www.thepowerofoneness.com/products/

 

What is the Difference Between Conditional Love and Unconditional Love?

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Love – This is a word that is very frequently used in every language to describe our emotions ranging from something as relatively trite, such as, “I love your shoes,” to something as deeply significant as a mother saying, “I love you” to a child in the most vulnerable moment.

 

 

Is there really a difference between conditional love and unconditional love? 

 

 

The answer is, yes.

 

 

What is conditional love?

 

 

Conditional love is a polarized emotion, meaning that it has an opposite emotion.  The opposite extreme of love is hatred.  Conditional love comes from ego and  generally focuses on someone (like a romantic partner, child, parent, friend)  or some thing (like a house, a car, or a job).  When we love someone conditionally, we tend to want them to look, act, and think in ways that fit our own paradigms and expectations.  We hold others accountable to our expectations in order to qualify for our affection.  If they act the way we want them to, we express our approval; if they act contrary to our wishes, we withhold our expression of acceptance of them, usually in some form of anger.  Conditional love polarizes our internal thought process to believe, “I am right, and you are wrong, so I think you should see things my way.”  As soon as begin to judge someone as being right or wrong, it is our cue that we are not in a space of unconditional love because we are perceiving that we are the authority for someone else’s life.  This ultimately results in a power play for everyone involved because it focuses on control, which typically elicits a defensive reaction from the people whom we are trying to change.

 

 

Another version of conditional love is passion, a term we use for the sexual feelings we have when we meet someone with whom we have “chemistry.”  The term “falling in love” is a revealing expression indicating that we sometimes lose ourselves when we are involved in a passionate romantic relationship based on conditional love. Possibly, this is because we are looking for another person to complete us rather than looking to share our whole self with another. “Looking for our other half” is a statement that strongly indicates we are seeking to make ourselves whole through someone else, rather than working on ourselves to become more of who we truly are.

 

 

When someone acts in a way that vastly deviates from our expectations or does something to hurt us or someone we care about, we can transform the emotion of conditional love to the complete opposite end of the spectrum – hatred.  Hatred is a very strong emotion that is rooted in fear.  Hatred is extremely destructive and wreaks havoc on our mental, emotional, and physical well being.

 

 

What is Unconditional Love?

 

 

Unconditional love is neutral and has no opposite polarity.  The source of unconditional love is Spirit; therefore it is available to everyone without discernment, and there is absolutely nothing we need to do to qualify for it.  Unconditional love comes through to us at a soul level, beginning at the level of self-acceptance and self-forgiveness, and radiates divine light to everyone and everything.  When we make a conscious decision to choose thoughts based on unconditional love, it does not mean that we agree with everyone and everything.  It means that we consciously commit ourselves to expressing respect, kindness, and cooperation to everyone and everything in our environment.

 

 

Unconditional love is not something that happens to us or outside of us.  It is the life force of energy within our very being and is ingrained in every cell of our bodies.  We don’t have to search for love–we ARE, each one of us, the physical embodiment of unconditional love.  Because unconditional love is life energy, it is formless, infinite, constantly in motion, and unconditionally available to us 24/7!

 

 

Unconditional love has a positive effect on our physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual state of being, creating truth, joy, beauty, health, harmony, and everything in the world that is in our greatest good.  The benevolent, compassionate nature of universal love flows through us and blesses everyone and everything it touches.

 

 

When we open our hearts to receiving and expressing the love of the universe, we feel expansive and radiant.  We automatically rise above the limitations of fear because unconditional love is infinitely more powerful than fear; in fact, unconditional love is the most powerful force in existence.  There is no amount of darkness that can blot out light; yet the tiniest amount of light can overcome darkness. This means that no matter how dark and chaotic our lives may seem at times, we can find comfort in knowing that our earthly world is always held within an infinitely larger context of universal love and light.

 

 

Remembering that we are each created in the energy of divine love gives us great inspiration and renewed hope that we each have the power to bring our own unique expression of unconditional love to the world, which brings healing to everyone and everything we touch.

 

 

Love and Light,

 

Sandra

 

The Joy of Spring – A Time For Change and New Beginnings

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Spring is a glorious time of rebirth and renewal. The fact that all of nature is always in the process of transformation is most apparent in spring.

 

Everywhere we turn we see evidence of the cycle of new beginnings. The earth thaws and becomes soft again, giving way to the emergence of new growth. The latent force within seeds awakens, allowing buds and blossoms to slowly appear and then explode into new life. The rhythm of the seasons demonstrates to us that the life force of creation is constant change and growth.

 

So it is with our own energy in spring. The seasonal surge moves into and through us, creating the impetus to make a fresh start. It is a perfect time to renew ourselves and break out of our old “earth patterns” to reach higher levels of consciousness. So how do we do this?

 

We can only change ourselves

 

First, and most importantly, we need to remember that the only person we have the power to change is ourselves. In the words of Mahatma Gandhi, “We need to BE the change we want to see.” Change is something we tend to want everyone else to do. When we avoid taking responsibility for changing ourselves, we are placing virtually everyone else in charge of our lives, which is many times the very thing we fear the most.

 

“Spring” is not just a noun – it is also a verb. 

 

Second, I encourage you to embrace the full meaning of “spring.” It is not just a noun – it is also a verb, meaning to leap forward over obstacles. So what is our greatest obstacle in moving forward? As usual, it is fear, but fear of what? Generally our greatest fear is that of the unknown. Or to put it another way, most of us are afraid of change. This is, indeed, a real “catch 22” because change and growth are qualities that are inherent to the energy of life. Change is inevitable, but how we choose to experience it is a choice! We can accept it or we can resist it.

 

Since what we resist persists, one of the most effective ways I know to open up to change is to become conscious of what we are resisting.  Once we become aware of why we are resisting change, we have the power to transcend our perceptions of fear and open our minds to the natural flow of change.

 

Following are some of the rationalizations we use to resist change:

 

We want to feel safe: We need to ask ourselves, safe from what? Are we really safe when we cling to the familiar? It is our spiritual nature to be the expression of perpetual growth and expansion. If we accept change, we can move forward in harmony with the flow of life. If we resist it, we are bound to experience tremendous difficulties. Resisting change keeps us locked into mental, emotional, and physical patterns based on the past. The safest place to be is in present time, which frees us to create healthy, new perceptions.

 

We don’t have the courage or strength: Courage (root word cuer, meaning heart) does not mean the absence of fear. Indeed, we all have fears. Having courage means we have the heart to face our fears and to make changes for the better, even when we are afraid. Does it take strength to make changes? Of course it does, but it takes a lot more of our strength to withstand the turmoil of going against the natural current of change. If we think about the times our strength has felt most depleted, has it been when we used our energy to adjust to new challenges, or when we desperately tried to stay in the same space?

 

We want to be comfortable: If we are not moving forward, we eventually become stuck in the status quo. Is it comfortable to feel stuck? Even though we may feel a little insecure about moving out of familiar spaces, it is really quite healthy to experience the discomfort that comes from growth. Discomfort is caused by bumping up against the boundaries we have outgrown, indicating that this is time for our mind’s knowledge to catch up with our soul’s wisdom. When we feel the world around us is beginning to close in, we can’t resolve the situation by making ourselves smaller; however, we can choose to create more expansive perspectives.

 

We don’t want to experience confusion: Change does cause confusion, and what a blessing it is for us! Confusion scrambles the fixated thought patterns we have locked into so that we can rearrange them into a new system of ideas. If we think about it, the most wonderful events in our lives, such as moving to a new house, receiving a promotion, getting married, or having a baby, all create a temporary state of chaos. Eventually things quiet down, but as we look around, we see that we are in an entirely new space.

 

We want to avoid pain: In our attempt to avoid the pain of change, we many times hold on to the past. Ironically, the parts of the past to which we remain most attached are the very ones that typically elicit the most painful memories. For example, the parent who abandoned us, the spouse who was unfaithful, the employer who cheated us, and the friend who betrayed us. Holding on to these types of memories frequently breeds self-defeating feelings of guilt and unworthiness that fuel the illusion that we are imprisoned in a life with no choices. Most of the pain we experience in our lives does not come from moving forward. It comes from holding ourselves back.

 

If you resonate with any of the above rationalizations to avoid change, simply forgive yourself – it is time to move on!  The good news is that when we shed the light of awareness on the illusion of these self-limiting rationalizations, we free ourselves to accept change and to make new choices.  This allows you to greet life with fluidity and to see life as a process of growth. We all have the capacity to spring into action to embrace the joy of change.  Welcome new beginnings!

 

 

 

I welcome you to share any insights or experiences you would like to offer that would encourage others to embrace their process of change.

 

Love and Light,

 

Sandra

 

 

 

 

From Clutter to Clarity

 

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Time to spring clean our lives?

 

Happy spring! This is the time of year when nature demonstrates the miracle of regeneration and renewal. The days are brighter and longer, and we begin to see new growth everywhere as brown grass turns green, bare trees regain their leaves, and flowers push through the soil and blossom. Sensing the invigorating energy of spring reminds many of us of the need to revitalize our personal environment.  It may very well be the time to do some spring cleaning within our lives!

 

About two years ago I made a conscious commitment to simplify my life and decided to do a major downsize of all my material possessions. I had thought about it for many years, but I knew the time had come to move past feeling overwhelmed and take action. I was actually feeling physically bogged down by all the stuff that had accumulated during the 23 years my husband and I lived in our home. Our house was clean and organized, but I constantly had the cumbersome awareness that we had too much of everything. While I knew that de-cluttering and downsizing would involve a lot of time and energy, I had no idea what an enormous impact this project would have on my life; emotionally, mentally, physically, and spiritually.

 

The process of de-cluttering, downsizing, and simplifying my life was such a life transforming experience that I would like to share with you some of the many things I learned in the process. Hopefully, my recount of this experience will inspire you to stop procrastinating and take action on that long overdue decision to move out of clutter and into clarity.

 

Consciously surround yourself with things

that make you feel good.

 

Emotionally: I came to realize that clearing space can help to heal emotions. Material things actually hold energy of past memories and events. Sorting through your things is the ideal time to acknowledge the many emotions that are associated with the material objects surrounding you.  I found that allowing myself to feel the nostalgia was very healing and allowed me the choice to let go of the past and become more available to the present moment. Downsizing and de-cluttering affords you the opportunity to consciously decide to surround yourself with things that make you feel good. I also discovered that sorting through my “stuff” was a very special time to express profound gratitude for everything and anything. I realized that both the positive and negative experiences helped to make me who I am. Then there was the wonderful quality of generosity in donating and sharing items that I no longer wanted or needed. Words cannot describe the joy I felt in asking my children to choose what was special to them; driving around and dropping off items at homeless shelters; and donating furniture, blankets, clothes, bedding, and towels to veterans organizations, animal shelters, and thrift shops.

 

Mentally: I became aware that we need to clear our minds, as well as our physical surroundings, in order to be peaceful. Though we tend to associate clutter with material things, we live in a world where our minds are immersed in an endless sea of communication overload: emails, voicemails, text messages, faxes, computer games, and the list goes on and on. It feels like everywhere we turn, we are inundated with information, requests for an immediate response, and overall mental stimulation. I decided to create some time every day, away from technology, to be with nature; or, at the very least, to sanction an hour each day to be in a peaceful, quiet space where I can simply take some deep breaths and clear my head.

 

Physically:  I became aware that it was much more relaxing to be in a room with “less stuff.” The things that I had chosen to take with me to my new home were only the things that I either liked, needed, or wanted. When I sorted through my belongings, I asked myself three questions:

 

          1. Do I need this?

          2. Do I like this?

          3. Have I used or looked at this within the past two years?

 

If the answer to any one of these questions was, “no,” I knew I was kidding myself about needing to hold onto it. I also came to realize just how temporary situations in life tend to be. Sorting through massive amounts of paperwork was a particularly poignant example of this. Many papers that at one time contained important information had become obsolete. If also felt good to get these papers out of my personal space and back into the mainstream through the process of recycling.

 

Getting rid of clutter frees the soul.

 

Spiritually: I discovered that getting rid of clutter frees the soul. Clearing your physical space actually brings in more light and opens you to a whole new world of possibilities. Whether we are aware of it or not, it takes a lot of time and energy to maintain, look at, use, move around, and store “our stuff.” Freeing up this energy creates a void. Since the nature of life is to fill voids, open space is the optimal environment in which to be creative. Without so many visual distractions, we can look at life from a new point of view. It is literally easier to breathe in a clear, uncluttered environment.

 

While I have shared all the positive aspects of de-cluttering my life, I must, in full disclosure, share that this process of downsizing and moving was one of the most physically demanding projects I have ever tackled. It was a huge undertaking because I chose to truly downsize (I donated, recycled, or trashed about 2/3 of my physical belongings) to move to a smaller, more manageable home. Even the enormity of the project proved to be a spiritual lesson because I realized the power of teamwork and cooperation. Many of my friends and family members pitched in to give me tremendous assistance. Note: Do NOT attempt to downsize by yourself!

 

That being said, deciding to downsize and de-clutter my life is proving to be one of the most healthy choices I have ever made. Because I don’t have to clean, maintain, and deal with so many things, I have more time to spend with friends and to do things I enjoy. I feel more healthy, more creative, and free. Most importantly, when I wake up in the morning, I no longer feel that awful cloud above my head reminding me to clean up my life. I have finally honored my commitment to myself to “lighten up.” Like spring, I am in the cycle of regeneration and renewal.

 

Love and Light,

 

Sandra

How to Base Your Life on Self-Love

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In my last blog we discussed how essential it is to build your life on the foundation of self-love. This may have sparked an awareness within you that has caused you to realize that, for the most part, you have not been treating yourself very well and that you have primarily placed everyone else’s needs ahead of your own.

 

This may have been a pattern of behavior for your entire life, so what if you want to change and adopt a whole new way of thinking that focuses on the ideal of self-love? Where do you begin?

 

As always, awareness is the first step in healing any area of our lives, so congratulations on becoming conscious of an area of your life which you are ready to heal!

 

The following are some simple steps that can help you shift your focus from being self-less to self-loving:

 

 

1. Forgive yourself – There is no point in beating yourself up for all the times you can recall acting out a martyr role or sacificing your own basic needs in order to accommodate someone else. If you are like most people, you have simply been acting out what you have seen modeled or taught to you by your parents, caregivers, teachers, and other important people in your childhood. Beating yourself up is exactly what you need to stop doing!

 

 

2. Be in Present Time – It does not matter where or from whom you developed your belief systems. Blaming others for what we believe in life is counter-productive and continues to perpetuate the same patterns of behavior. If you want to change, let go of the past. You only have the power to choose your own perceptions when you are in present time.

 

 

3. Create the Time and Space to Regenerate Yourself – Make it a priority to schedule a period of at least 20 minutes every day to nurture yourself. The key word here is “create.” Build this time into your schedule and commit to it as you would any other appointment. It could be first thing in the morning as you read an inspiring piece of literature while you have a cup of coffee, or you could choose to do a meditation that is as simple as closing your eyes and taking deep breaths. If you prefer the evening, take a soothing, warm bath or take a walk by yourself. Choose whatever activity nourishes your soul. The important thing is that you are being kind to yourself by acknowledging your own need to regenerate.

 

 

4. Base Your Decisions On Your Own Values – Rather than making choices motivated by the need to please others, get in touch with your own feelings regarding what is important in your life. For example, you may make a conscious decision to spend more quality time with your spouse or partner rather than spend more time at work. The objective is to make choices that support your priorities in life – not to make everyone happy.

 

 

5. Trust Your Intuition – Allow your intuition to guide you in making choices. Your intuition is the universal wisdom that comes to you through spontaneous thoughts and feelings. You may sense it in many ways;  gut level feelings, a feeling of warmth, or a sense of expansion or energy. Since intuitive messages are coming from your Higher Self, the insights you are receiving are rooted in love. Trusting your intuition will guide you to make choices that inspire you.

 

 

6. Affirm Self-Love – “I deeply and completely love and accept myself” is one of the most powerful statements you can ever affirm. Say it out loud or repeat it quietly to yourself. Affirm it in any situation, and all the time, especially when you are feeling unloved. It does not matter whether you believe it when you say it – you will come to believe it. We change our belief systems by first choosing to think differently.

 

 

7. Forgive Yourself – Here we are again – full cycle. Even though you are committing yourself to a healthy new way of thinking and acting, there will be many times when you think, say, or do things that are not kind to yourself. This is the perfect time to forgive yourself and get right back on track with the guidelines above.

 

 

Loving, respecting, and honoring yourself means you are projecting your energy to others from a radiant heart.

 

As within, so without. The way you feel about yourself will be the way you feel about everyone else.

 

Love and Light,

 

Sandra

Self Love – The Basis for All Healing

This is an image of block letters that spell out LOVE YOURSELF

© marekuliasz/shutterstock

 

 

You can only unconditionally love and accept others by first unconditionally loving and accepting yourself.

 

 

“You can only unconditionally love and accept others by first unconditionally loving and accepting yourself.” When I first heard this statement many years ago, I was sitting in my first holistic health class in which we were discussing the fundamental principles underlying spiritual healing. At that time, the words sounded strange to my logical mind, yet somehow resonated at a heart level. I was in my early twenties when I took this course and recall perceiving that I found it easy to love a lot of people, no matter how I felt about myself. I prided myself in thinking that I had spent a good part of my life helping others.

 

 

I had not thought that much about loving MYSELF.

 

 

Yet, this statement really opened my mind to the awareness that, up until that point, I had not thought that much about loving MYSELF. I was raised in a strong Germanic culture, and my parents had taught me to always put other people’s needs ahead of my own. Helping others was the first priority. Secondary to that was having a strong work ethic. “Fun” was something you had if there was any time after all your work was finished! I don’t recall any key figures in my childhood, or for that matter anyone up until that moment in class, ever mentioning the importance of loving and enjoying myself. In fact, in those days I was taught that it was downright selfish to put my personal needs and desires ahead of the physical and emotional needs of other people.

 

 

 I was a “good” person when I put other people first.

 

 

My parents meant well – they were simply passing the emotional hand-me-down given to them from their parents. While their intentions were kind and honest, what I did not realize until that point, was that I had subconsciously incorporated these messages into a belief system that was based on the foundation that I was a “good” person when I put other people’s needs ahead of my own. I was a “selfish” person when I focused on addressing my own mental, emotional, and physical needs.

 

 

 I thought I could fix other people.

 

 

As I committed myself to understanding the necessity of self love at a deeper level, the memories began to surface. I started to recognize that as I grew into a young adult, this belief system had mushroomed into my creating many painful memories and melodramas with the common theme of me playing the savior role. I was living under the illusion that I could fix situations for other people. Not surprisingly, I constantly attracted people who wanted me to “save” them or complete them. What I did not realize was that I was seeing a reflection of what I most needed to recognize within myself: I also wanted to be completed through others by wanting them to validate me for my savior role. This awareness opened the door to a crucial turn around in my life.

 

 

Self love is at the root of all spiritual healing.

 

 

Most people whom I have met in life have not been taught self love; they have learned it through the life experiences they have created.  Self love, after all, is at the root of all issues of spiritual healing. Through my own life experiences, I came to fully understand that what I heard in class that day really was true. We have to first love ourselves in order to unconditionally love another.

 

Love and Light,

 

Sandy

 

The Precious Downtime of Winter

This is an image of two skiers in lounge chairs looking out at a sunny mountain range

©haveseen/shutterstock

 

Winter is a Gift

 

 

This is the time of year when many of us go into the doldrums – it’s cold, the days are shorter and there is too much darkness.  We are longing to see our friend, the sun!  We are so accustomed to being over stimulated, that it may be difficult to identify this as being the perfect time to change our perspective and to see the winter as a gift. Awareness is the first step! Below are seven insights that may change your perspective to see the wintertime as a blessing:

 

1. Go Within

 

Just as we have a tendency to stay indoors in the winter, it is a perfect time to go within ourselves to clear our minds and nurture our souls. This can be done through meditation, by reading a good book, or watching a favorite movie. The important point is that we get quiet time to relax. Really what you are doing is planting seeds for the longer and brighter days of tomorrow.

 

2. Give Yourself Permission to Slow Down

 

This time of year offers us the space and time to slow down. We often find ourselves craving a comfortable couch and a roaring fire. It makes us feel warm, happy, and sleepy. Also, there is nothing like staying in bed a little longer, snuggled up under the covers, enjoying the warmth.

 

3. Appreciate the Silence 

 

The winter offers clarity in silence. It is truly amazing to step outside after it snows and notice how crisp the air is and how quiet your surroundings are. It is a blanket that softens everything around you and creates a pause that allows you to appreciate the true beauty of silence.

 

4. Spark Your Creativity 

 

The void of darkness sometimes gives us the room we need to allow our creative mind to come alive. It is like having a blank canvas with infinite possibilities. Have fun! This is the time to start an arts and crafts project, enroll in a woodworking class, or simply cook a meal that is out of the ordinary.

 

5. Savor the Simple Things

 

This quiet time offers you the opportunity to notice the small wonders of life such as hot soup, the texture of sheets, the warmth of a good fire, or how much fun it is to make a snow angel – even if you are an adult!

 

6. Catch up with Friends 

 

This is a wonderful time to get together for coffee, tea, or lunch. Precious time with those who truly know us brings joy to life.

 

7.  Embrace the Cold

 

Enjoy a brisk walk in the cold. It will heighten your awareness and make you feel alive. You will be amazed at how invigorated you feel.

 

Enjoy what is around you right now! You don’t need to “get away” literally. Most of us need to “get away” from our daily lives and our frenetic pace. You can do this anywhere, including right where you are.

 

Love and Light,

 

Sandy