Remaining Centered During the Holidays

Beautiful women doing a yoga pose

© Gelpi JM/shutterstock

 

Now that Thanksgiving has just passed, most of us are feeling the accelerated pace of the world around us as we enter the official holiday season.  It is very easy to become overwhelmed with shopping, visiting family and friends, preparing large family meals, attending special holiday performances, and traveling.  This is the time of year where all the intense activity, in addition to the emotional highs and lows that accompany the holidays, can really take a toll on our health – mentally, emotionally, and physically.

 

In order to truly enjoy the holidays, it is essential to take time to regenerate yourself and to keep your energy balanced.  The following are some ways to remain centered in the midst of all the hustle and bustle:

 

1.  Stay in touch with your feelings – It is so easy to get carried away with all the outer stimulation that you can lose perspective on the signals you are getting from your mind and body.  Periodically check in with your feelings and honor your needs.  For example, if you feel tired, rest; if you feel overwhelmed, slow down the pace; if you feel sad, allow yourself to express your true feelings.

 

2.  Determine what matters most to you – Quite often, we are so busy reacting to the demands of the holidays that we lose sight of what we most want to experience.  Write down a list of the people whom you most want to see and the activities that you enjoy the most and make them a priority.  You may discover that there are quite a few activities that had already been scheduled that you actually prefer not to have on your list.

 

3. Have reasonable expectations – The main reason that people become discouraged and disappointed with the holidays is that they have unrealistic expectations that are not met.  Thinking that every member of your family is going to get along at the family reunion, that you are going to cook a perfect meal that pleases everyone, and that you are going to be on an emotional high throughout the holidays is bound to create disappointment.

 

4.  Focus on the simple pleasures – The most fulfilling experiences frequently do not cost a lot of money.  Taking a walk with a friend or relative, making cookies with children, playing games, reading by the fireside, and volunteering at a local charity are but a few of the experiences that nurture the heart with little or no demand on the pocketbook.

 

5.  Express gratitude – Being thankful opens your heart and creates the opportunities to being in the flow and to savoring the positive within everyone and everything that you are experiencing, however it unfolds.  Accept that every holiday is different and perfect in its own way.

 

6.  Breathe, breathe, breathe – We all have a tendency to “hold our breath” when we are busy and under stress.  Simply creating frequent times throughout the day to take some deep breaths is a great way to diffuse stress.

 

Most importantly, the true meaning of the holiday season is to remember our heart connection with others through the power of love.   By being kind to yourself and honoring your own needs, you create a balanced foundation from which to share your love with others in a peaceful way.

 

Love and Light,

 

Sandra

 

Mother’s Day – A Perfect Day for Healing

This is an image of a mother holding her child above her head at sunset

© Konstantin Sutyagin/shutterstock

 

 

Mother’s Day is just around the corner.  Mother’s Day, a holiday proclaimed by President Woodrow Wilson in 1914,  is a day of celebration in which we honor mothers, motherhood, and maternal bonds. The power and influence of mothers and maternal figures in our personal lives and in our society is beyond measure.  Mothers and grandmothers are the core strength of the home, the creators of life, the nurturers of children, our first teachers, our female role models, and our indispensable companions. Most importantly, when we think of a mother’s love, we frequently think of the unconditional boundless love that is the closest human expression of divine love.

 

 

Mother’s Day, like all holidays, elicits different feelings for each one of us.  Whether we think our mothers did a “good” job or a “bad” job of raising us, the truth is that our mothers played an enormous role in helping us to form our system of values, sense of self, foundation of security, and, in general, the initial foundation for all of our perceptions in life.

 

 

Some of us were fortunate to be raised by mothers or mother figures who were confident, strong, and a model of unconditional love.  If this is the case, the mere mention of the word “mother” conjures up feelings of warmth, nurturing and safety. If you are one of these people, Mother’s Day is a joyful day where you are inspired to cherish and appreciate your mother and buying a card, giving a hug, and saying “I love you”  feels completely natural.

 

 

If your mother has passed on, this may be an especially sad time of year as you recognize that losing a mom creates a void that no one else can fill in your life.  Who could ever understand you, unconditionally accept you, and always love you the way your mother did?

 

 

And then there are others who have had a vastly different experience. There are many people who attribute the root cause of most of their pain and problems to their mothers. In working with clients over many years in my spiritual healing practice, I discovered that blaming our mothers for our shortcomings is the deepest underlying issue for almost every major healing issue: mental, emotional, and physical.  In fact, I observed that our mothers have so much influence in our lives that when a mother would heal a painful issue, the child (whether young, middle age, or old) was automatically positively affected; and, conversely, when the child (of any age) would heal, the mother would also be positively affected.

 

 

From a spiritual perspective, the soul of a child chooses his or her mother, and the mother chooses the child.  Because our life journey is all about becoming whole, we choose parents from whom we learn what we most need to know – we fulfill these lessons in both positive and negative ways.  If, for example, our mothers did not praise us very much, it could be that our souls needed to remember that we get our genuine validation from within ourselves – not from external sources.  On the other side of the coin, mothers learn just as much from their children.  For example, a child with learning differences may be teaching a mother all about patience and acceptance.

 

 

The single most important factor that affects our relationships with our mothers is our own attitude.  As children, we typically had great expectations of all the qualities we wanted our mothers to have — we wanted her to be our Rock of Gibraltar, the model of an ideal woman, have the patience of Job, and express the love of an angel.  As we mature, we need to accept that our mothers are human and that they have had to deal with issues that were passed on to them by their parents. I truly believe that most mothers love to the best of their capacity and want the very best for their children.  I also think most mothers would agree that motherhood is simultaneously the both most difficult and rewarding job in all the world.

 

 

Unconditionally accepting our mothers for who they are (or were) is our greatest lesson in compassion and forgiveness. Since we are inextricably connected with our mothers, forgiving them for their shortcomings and for falling short of our expectations is the same thing as forgiving ourselves for carrying forward any unhealthy patterns which need to be healed.  And when you think about it, who better than our mothers to teach us this magnificent lesson.

 

 

Happy Mother’s Day!

 

 

Love and Light,

 

Sandra

The Aftereffects of Valentine’s Day

Why does everyone make such a big deal out of Valentine’s Day?

“Whew!” You tell yourself. I made it through another Valentine’s Day. What is this holiday all about anyway, and why does everyone have to make such a big deal out of it? With so many singles out there it is not like we need reminders of all those happy couples out there doing all that romantic stuff with each other! Or, you may be thinking that all this sappy stuff is silly now that you have been married for so long.

 

Why did I react the way I did this year?

It is kind of funny though, how you can catch yourself automatically criticizing something just to make yourself feel better. If you hate Valentine’s Day and what it stands for, does that mean you are either dissatisfied with your current relationship – feeling alone even though you are with someone? Or, have you had so much difficulty connecting with another person that you deride others for being able to make such connections? If you are having difficulty in your current relationship or if you have difficulty being in a relationship, you may want to ask yourself why you have such difficulty loving another.  Have you really taken the time to explore your relationship with YOU? My guess is that you have not.

 

This is an image of a broken heart with a bandaid

© Picsfive/shutterstock

 

How weird, right? You may be saying at this moment, “Yeah…let me stop everything and take time to  have a relationship with myself!” Well, actually, yes – please do!!! So many people have asked me, “Why am I alone?” or “Why do I feel so alone?” The answer can be found within – I promise you.

 

Have you really made yourself available to another person?

 

If you are single and would like to be with a significant other, ask what steps have you taken to get out there and meet people? Or, more importantly, ask yourself if you are in a good place to bring another into your life. Perhaps you have filled up your life so much with other stuff that there is no room for anything or anyone else.  It is amazing how energy works. Stuffing your life with so many things puts out there that you are too busy and that loving another isn’t a priority in your life. Providing the space to clear your head, your heart, and your life to be open to receive the love from another is an important first step.

 

Would you want to date you?

This is an image of a lonely, sad man

© nemke/shutterstock

 

Another important component is being healthy within before you look outside yourself for another to be in your life. In many cases we look for another to “complete” us when in all actuality you are already a beautiful, unique, complete being! Often we look to another to “fix” us.  The familiar words, “If only I had a man or woman in my life that…I would be happy,” somehow don’t end up working out quite like that. We might find a person who makes us happy initially, but that tends to fizzle out once we got our quick “fix.”

 

 Lonely but not alone?

This is an image of a sad and lonely persian cat

© Xiaojiao Wang/shutterstock

 

For those couples out there who may have had a less than romantic Valentine’s Day, ask what is it about your relationship where you no longer are honoring each other? It is so easy to take another for granted, especially after being together for a long time. But, ask yourself how would you feel if that person were no longer there? PAY ATTENTION to your body’s physical response to this question! Do you feel anxious, scared, sad, relieved?

 

 Have you lost yourself and your own personal power to your partner?

If you feel anxious or scared, is it because this person “takes care of you” and you wouldn’t know how to live on your own? If so, perhaps you may want to evaluate whether you or your partner has come to resent this dynamic. Have you lost yourself and your own personal power to your partner? Often these underlying issues can cause the chemistry that brought you together to come to a screeching halt!  Talk with your partner; find out where their head is. It could be that a 5 minute conversation could turn into an hour of pure pleasure that you thought wasn’t possible before!

 

 When was the last time you said, “I love you?”

 

If you feel sad, could it be that you deeply love and care for your partner and the thought of them not being in your life almost makes you feel ill? If so, and you feel disconnected from this person, what have you done lately to let them know how deeply you care for them? Perhaps this separation you feel comes from them thinking you don’t feel the same about them. Again, a 5 minute conversation could turn an old relationship into something new again. Don’t wait for him or her to say, “I love you.” Taking initiative in a relationship is important – and you might just shock your partner – in a good way!

 

 Do you need to get out?

 

If you feel relieved, it could be time for you to move on from an unhealthy or unfulfilling relationship. This also goes back to making space in your life to receive love. Staying in a relationship that no longer fulfills you isn’t good for the partner you are with either. If you can no longer give love to this person, it is in their best interest for you to move on as well. Once you are on your own and have healed from this relationship, really get to know yourself and get on stable footing before seeking another partner. Otherwise, you may tend to repeat the same dynamic you had before. Make sure to reflect on the lesson(s) you needed to learn from the relationship you had been in – this is crucial for your emotional growth so that you bring a healthy, stable, and empowered YOU into a new relationship!

 

 It’s all an illusion! 

 

Remember that, loneliness, after all, is just a perception. You are never truly alone. You are always surrounded by the unconditional love of the universe. Remembering this will fill your heart and allow you the space to reflect on the love you have for YOU and that special person in your life…or that special person who may be about to enter your life!

 

Love and Light,

 

Sandra

5 Steps to Conquer the Holiday Blues

Thanksgiving has just passed and that day marks the beginning of a period of time that many refer to as The Holiday Blues.

 

Whether it makes you self-conscious of being single, reminds you of lost loved ones, or brings up sub-conscious feelings of abandonment from the past, this can be a difficult time of the year for everyone.

 

This is a lonely tree.

Shutterstock, © Dudarev Mikhail

How can you bring more joy into the holiday season while still acknowledging feelings of loneliness? Here are a few simple tips to overcoming The Holiday Blues:

 

  1. Allow yourself to feel. Listen to yourself as you would a close friend, with no judgment. You can’t move past this phase until you truly acknowledge your current emotions. Remember, feelings require no explanation.
  2. Let go of your expectations. Many of us have a clear picture in our mind’s eye of our version of the “perfect” holiday. It involves an ideal family interaction, ornate tables filled with scrumptious food, a beautifully decorated home and a joyful exchange of amazing presents, and the money to support this picture to boot. In a world ripe with challenges, this is as unrealistic as it sounds. Permit yourself to release this type of expectation. We’ll replace it with a new vision soon.
  3. Think of one thing for which you are truly grateful. Sit quietly for five minutes and allow images of things that make you happy to flow through your mind. Seize one of those images and quietly express sincere gratitude for it. This will help to change your current perspective of loneliness.
  4. Do something kind for someone else. Be what you want to see. Kindness to another opens you up to receiving that positive energy in return. You may be surprised where it comes from!
  5. Set a powerful vision for a new holiday. A great place to start is The Vision of Oneness. You will notice that it opens you to limitless potential, unconditional love and unexpected blessings.

Feel free to connect with others by commenting on this post. You may be shocked at how many people are feeling the same way.

 

Love and Light,

Sandra